Punch (77.1879)

November 1, 1879.]

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

193

THE FRENCH HORN.

An old Tune through a New Instrument.

VIEWS THROUGH THE INTERVIEWER.

Encouraged by the reception given to the publi-
cation of an interview between "Lord" Gladstone
and a French reporter, a foreign j onrnalist bas called
upon Mr. Punch, with the following result:—

Reporter. You have read the speeches of Glad-
stone in the Gaulois and the Telegraphe ?

Mr. Punch. I have.

Reporter. You have learned nothing new from
their perusal ?

Mr. Punch. Certainly not. Mr. Gladstone's
opinions upon all subjects have been for a long
time public property.

Reporter. Having reached the great age of two
thousand numbers, doubtless you are well up in
the events of the day ?

Mr. Punch. Very well.

Reporter. What is the chief characteristic of
Sir Wilfrid Lawson ?

Mr. Punch. That he warmly supports the Per-
missive Bill.

e Reporter. Lord Beaconseield, too, is fond of
what has been called an " Imperial Policy " ?

Mr. Punch. You have reason for your assertion.

Reporter. I am right in believing tbat the
greatest Sage 'of this or any age resides at 85,
Fleet Street ?

Mr. Punch. Unquestionably.

Reporter. And that John Bull is a worthy
person who is frank to a fault, and hates humbug
in all its shades ?

Mr. Punch. Yes.

Reporter. Lastly, I would ask whether there is
any truth in the report that Her Majesty Queen
Anne is dead ?

Mr. Punch. You are quite right. Queen Anne
is dead!

The Reporter then retired, deeply sensible of
the value of the information he had elicited.

Padding.

It must be very difficult to supply paragraphs
of news daily fresh and fresh. The other day there
was one headed " Mysterious Affair at Hampstead."
This was sensational. So was the story of a man
wounded in the leg, and conveyed on a stretcher
to the police-station. What a chance for the re-
porter ! But it finished with—"No weapon was
found. The injured man, who was sent to the
hospital, was very uncommunicative." The re-
porter might have added, "and ungrateful," as he
was evidently deeply annoyed at the wounded man's
inconsiderate and selfish conduct. Ilfaut vivre.

THE PARNELL CODE.

All rents in future to be paid through Mr. Parnell, who shall
have power to make whatever abatement he may think proper in
favour of the tenant, before handing over the balance (if any) to the
landlord. The landlord to be at liberty to ask Mr. Parnell's reasons.

All agreements between landlords and fresh tenants to be submitted
to Mr. Parnell for approval, and revision if he deem it necessary.

All landlords to subscribe to the funds of the new "Land League."

No tenant to be discharged from a farm without Mr. Parnell's
permission, and all arrears of rent to be considered as cancelled by
such discharge; but the tenant to be compensated for improvements,
their value to be assessed by Mr. Parnell or his deputy.

Mr. Parnell, or his deputy, to attend rent audits ex officio, and
to have a casting vote in case of any division of opinion as to the
reduction to be allowed to a tenant.

When the whole of the rent is paid, Mr. Parnell to dictate a
suitable letter of acknowledgment from the landlord to the tenant.

Mr. Parnell will always be ready to accept invitations to Bhoot
with landlords, and can arrange to stay for dinner and bed.

So long as the present anomalous system exists of tenants paying
rent to landlords, Mr. Parnell will at all times be willing to advise
landlords on their duties and responsibilities to their tenants, and on
the most effectual method of conciliating them, either by total re-
mission, or by the grant of long leases—say, for a term of ninety-nine
years—at a nominal annual acknowledgment.

Mr. Parnell (or his deputy) will be glad to see any landlord who
may wish to consult him how best to secure the goodwill and

attachment of his tenantry, on any of those days when he is not
engaged at an agitation meeting.

Mr. Parnell will be ready to accompany any landlord or his agent
on a visit to a tenant, but with the stipulation that the landlord
(or agent) shall consent to the terms which Mr. Parnell and the
tenant have previously agreed upon as fair and reasonable.

Mr. Parnell will offer no obstruction to a landlord wishing to
call upon a tenant alone, with a view to see how he is managing
his farm, in what state the farm-buildings are, and what crops
and stock are on the land, provided the tenant has had at least
a fortnight's notice of the intended visit, and has signified to
Mr. Parnell that he has no objection to seeing his landlord.

Mr. Parnell would be glad to accompany landlords or their agents
when they drive through their estates, and only regrets that his
projected visit to America will prevent him from joining in such
excursions.

Any landlord who may desire to be Mr. Parnell's companion to
America is requested to communicate with him without delay, and
to state the sum he is prepared to contribute towards the expenses of
the Mission.

Any differences arising between landlords and tenants can stand over
till Mr. Parnell's return ; but landlords wishing for Mr. Parnell's
advice while he is away in the United States, are at liberty t <
despatch cable messages to him, provided the answer is prepaid. If
preferred, Mr. Biggar, who will act as Mr. Parnell's deputy in his
absence, will be happy to advise landlords.

N.B.—Mr. Parnell will not be answerable for any consequences
of any movement he is connected with.

VOL. L2ZVII.

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