Punch (77.1879)

September 13, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

109

>ARRY ON THE RAIL.

ear Charlie,
Still keep
ing the game
up! 1 likes
a good slog
while I'm
in.

Life 's jest
likeashettle-
cock, Char-
lle, wuth
not hink
when not on
the spin.
The River
and Road I
done, as yon
know, for I spun you
the tale ;
And now I'm jest back
from a journey, a
regrdar rattler,' "^by
Rail!

Hexcursion to Margit,
my pippin, five bob
there and back, don't yer
know.

But our party wos quite up-to-
Dick,—you 're aweer as I never
cuts low.
Nine on us, five gurls and four
fellers, jest one of the latter too
few,

But they knowed me of old, did
our lot, and they always counts
'Aery as tivo !

I tell you, old man, 'twas my day. I was never in lovelier form ;
And as for the petticuts, Charlie, I regular took them by storm.
Two was told off to me—Liz and Carry—but, bless yer, I fetched 'em all round.
I should make a 'ot Hottoman, Charlie, Turk style suits me down to the
.. ground.

We wos off by the earliest train, and 'ad breakfast, a buster, onq root ;
Cold tea, 'ard biled heggs, and green happles,—you know gurls is nuts upon
fruit,—

Wound up with a nip and a Pickwick. I tell yer it wasn't arf bad.
There is nothing like starting a spree with a good bottom layer, my lad.

We 'adn't much time by the briny, the weather, as usual, was rummy ;
But the fun on the road made up that, and our progs was peculiar lummy.
Tuck in ? 'Tain't the word. If you'd spotted the tea as we nine put away,
You'd 'a said that, at ninepence a nut, 'twas a spec as looked 'ardly like pay.

Srimps ? Scissors! 'Ow Carry did crunch 'em! No finnicking peeling,—no
fear!

Heads off, and then bolt, holus-bolus,—that's bizness! And as for the beer,—
Not to name other labels of lotion—well, nines into thirty won't go ;
But put it in pots, my dear boy, and you'll not be far from it, /know.

Comin' 'ome was the barney, my bloater! We got in together, us nine ;
Carry sat on my knee in one corner, there bein' a rush on the line.
Young Green's concertina was 'andy, Tom Blogg's a rare dab at the bones,
If we didn't raise thunder and tommy, old chap, it's a caution to Jones.

We did give it tongue I can tell yer, I didn't choke off, not a minnit,
And when I bring out my top notes, railway whistles is simply not in it.
We chorus'd and clump'd it to rights ; for a row-de-dow toe-and-heel treat
The floor of a long railway carriage, third class, isn't easy to beat.

Then the chaff at the Stations! 'Twas spiffing! We put some old guys on
the wax.

Do they think when a gent rides by rail he must pass all his time reading tracks ?
A fig for sech mumchance old mivvies ! I 'ates the 'ole bullion-mouthed brood.
When a feller is out on the bristle a jolly good 'owl does 'im good.

As for languidge ! Them Telegraff twaddlers may trot out their Catos and such ;
Is a chap on the scoop to be burked for a " blowed " or a " blooming " too much ?
Yah ! Talk is like tea ; it wants " lacing " with something a little bit strong,
And if it do run to a d now and then, why I don't fox the wrong.

It's all Gospel-shop gruel, dear boy. We '11 look after our own parts of speech,
And rap out a hoath now and then without asking a prig on the preach.
Wot limp 'uns there is in the world ! Why, a gurl in our carriage that night
Pooty nigh did a faint at our fun, and I know it was all nasty spite.

A chalky-faced creature she were, and she sat by 'erself

and looked sad,
And when Tom cheeked her up she complained that our

bacco-smoke made 'er feel bad,
And could we just sing a bit softer? Oh, snakes! we'd

the highest old game,
Till a big chap stood up from behind, and declared 'twas

a thundering shame.

He'd a fist like a sledge, so we stashed it. But wasn't

it like her dashed cheek ?
'Owsomever we made up in shindy; they can't quod a

chap for a squeak.
I never did 'ear sech a rouser ; and as for that impident

Carey,

She swears if there is a gay dasher, it's

Yours as per usual,

'Aery.

IMPENDING EXCHANGES.

The Baltic for the Baltic Coffee House.

Bulgaria for Belgravia.

The Black Forest for Wood Green.

Broad stairs for the Broadway (Hammersmith).

Brussels for the Waterloo Road.

Burlington Bay for the Burlington Arcade.

The Grand Canal for the Paddington Canal.

Chamouni for the Savoy.

La Grande Chartreuse for the Charter House.

China for the Potteries.

Copenhagen for Denmark Hill.

The Caledonian Canal for the Caledonian Road.

Deal for the Royal Oak.

The Forest of Dean for Bishop's Road.

Edinburgh for Scotland Yard.

Filey for Sheffield.

The New Forest for the Old Bailey.

The Lake of Geneva for Ball's Pond.

Giant's Causeway for Westminster Hall.

Inverness for Inverness Terrace.

Jerusalem for the Old Jewry.

Lausanne for the Swiss Cottage.

Loch Katrine for Catherine Street, Strand.

Lombardy for Lombard Street.

Lowater for Bayswater.

Madrid for the Spaniards " (Hampstead).

Majorca for the Minories.

Milan for Mile End.

The Mer de Glace for the Crystal Palace.

The Meeting of the Waters for Clapham Junction.

Mont Blanc for Snow Hill.

Mont Cenis for the Holborn Viaduct.

Niagara for the Chelsea Waterworks.

The Nile for Egyptian Hall.

North Devon for South Molton Street.

Orme's Head for Orme's Square.

Oporto for Cork Street.

Patterdale for Paddington.

Poste Restante for the G. P. 0.

St. Petersburg for Moscow Road.

The Pontine Marshes for the Essex Marshes.

Ramsgate for Lambeth.

Scarborough for the Borough.

The Seashore for the Strand.

The Isle of Skye for the Sky of London.

South Africa for South Kensington.

Stockholm for Stockwell.

The Tiber for Tyburnia.

St. Mark's, Venice, for Mark Lane.

The Great Wall of China for the Charing Cross radius.

W(b)itstable for Whitefriars.

Wonderful Alteration.

From the City, and in attendance at the Conference
undermentioned, the Times Correspondent reports that—

"The quaint and quiet old city of Basle is very lively
to-day. The Evangelical Alliance is holding its seventh confer-
ence here.''

This is remarkable. The times are changed. Now an
Evangelical Assembly imparts liveliness to the place it is
held in; whereas in other days it would rather have
rendered it " serious."

vol. lxxvii.