Punch (77.1879)

December 13, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVAEL 265

FLUNKEIANA.

" Hullo, Nuprins ! Surely, you can sweep away the Snow from the
Door-Step without hiring those Three Boys !"

*' i take the remuneration on myself, slr. i should lose my chance
of another place if i was seen doing ' parochial ' work ! "

A DANGEROUS JUDGE.

Mr. Justice Hawkins is, we fear, a very dangerous
and revolutionary person. We read of his having
recently at the Central Criminal Court sentenced a
man to seven years' penal servitude merely for en-
dangering his wife's life by a savage assault — and
when he was drunk, too, and therefore, of course,
irresponsible.

But even worse than this monstrous disproportion
between the crime—if crime it can be called—and the
punishment, is the reason given for it—" that this kind
of assault must be stopped " !

As though it were not of infinitely more importance to
society—in these levelling days—that the due supremacy
of the male and the proper authority of the husband
should be supported, than that the lives and limbs of
wives should be protected.

De minimis—says a well-known legal maxim—non
curat lex. As little should it care de minoribus; and
women — wives in particular—are the minores in the
social hierarchy.

Imperial Pop !

Dear Mr. Punch,

What glorious sport the dear old Emperor of
Germany, " at the head of a brilliant party," had on
a recent Sunday at Wusterhausen, bagging 287 head of
game, including 186 deer of sorts, 99 wild boars, and 12
badgers!

I wonder which brilliant Sportsman, out of the thirty-
two guns present, bagged the badgers. Let us hope it
was not His Imperial Majesty. The less badgering he
has at his time of life, the longer we are likely to have
the pleasure of seeing his genial old face among us.

I am, dear Mr. Punch,
Yours, devotedly,

Germanicus.

Motto for Mr. Labouchere {appearing for himself
in various Courts of Law). — "Lab-Hut et Lab-etur in
omne volubilis csvum."

THE MODERN "NINE."

In ancient Greece the old poets and historians tell us there were
Nine Muses, all single Ladies, who presided over 'Music and Singing
and Dancing, and other accomplishments, under the conduct and
patronage of the heathen divinity, Apollo.

In modern England the newspapers have within the last few days
informed their readers that Nine Ladies, four married and five single,
have been elected members of the London School Board, to watch
over reading, writing, and arithmetic, geography, history, cookery,
needlework, and other useful branches of learning, under the
experienced presidency and guidance of Sir Charles Reed.

As this is the first time the lady members of the London School
Board have reached the classic number of Nine, it may be interesting
both to the present generation and to posterity, and may also serve
as a wholesome stimulus to those fair and youthful students who
are now busy with their books at Girton and other Women's Col-
leges, to know what was the exact ceremonial observed at the first
meeting of the new Board at their Offices on the Thames Embank-
ment.

An extra staff of charwomen, selected by competitive examination,
were employed for several previous days in cleaning and scouring
the whole house from the basement to the garrets.

The Board-Room carpet was carefully examined by the official
upholsterer, and in several places ^some needful repairs were
effected under his personal supervision.

The whole of the furniture was well rubbed over and polished.
Lace curtains were hung across the windows; exotics, palms, and
evergreens tastefully arranged in pots and vases ; and the busts of
the Nine Muses wreathed with laurel. A grand piano, specially
hired for the ceremony, was placed in position, and then tuned by
the tuner to the Board.

Five minutes before the appointed hour of meeting, the male
members entered the Board-room, dressed in complete evening
costume, and wearing white, cream, or lavender gloves, and flowers
in the button-hole. They took their seats, with countenances that
betrayed expectancy, and some traces of agitation.

Precisely as the official clock tolled the hour, the doors were
thrown open, the gentlemen rose and bowed, and the Nine Lady
members, preceded by the Board Beadles, and escorted by the

returning officers of the several divisions by which they had been
wisely elected, headed by the Recorder, entered and advanced down
the centre of the room, to the seats assigned to them, on the right
and left of the Chair.

As soon as the Ladies were seated, bouquets were presented to them
by the nine junior male members, assisted by the Clerk. The married
Ladies wore velvet robes, the unmarried ones silk dresses, with lace
pelerines, or fichus. They were all perfectly composed.

The National Anthem was sung by the entire Board, to the accom-
paniment of the piano. Coffee and tea, with cake, biscuits, and
white and brown bread and butter, were then served by the Board
servants, in state liveries.

(N. B. To prevent misconception, we are anxious to state that the
whole of the extra expenses—charwomen, grand piano, decorations,
refreshments and liveries—were defrayed by the male members,
not paid out of the rates.)

The Chairman and Vice-Chairman were then elected.

The Chairman delivered, his opening address, which was inter-
spersed with graceful references to his Lady colleagues, and to
Sappho, Cornelia (not Cornelia Blimbcr, but "the mother of the
Gracchi"), Boadicea, Hannah More, Mrs. Barbauld, Mrs. Eli-
zabeth Carter, and the Nine Muses.

The ordinary business was then proceeded with. All the Lady
members took a distinguished part in it, and the newly-elected
single ones delivered their maiden speeches.

At the close of the meeting, the whole Board again grouped them-
selves round the piano (in which position they were photographed),
and sang a madrigal.

The Lady members then curtsied to the Chair, 'and quitted the
room. After they had resumed their fur-lined cloaks and shawls,
the Head Beadle entered, and made a communication to the Chair-
man, who, with the Vice-Chairman, the nine junior members, and
the Clerk, immediately quitted the Board-room, and escorted the
Ladies to their carriages.

"Rule Britannia'''1 was then sung by the rest of the Board, and
the meeting broke up.

"lord~send us a gude conceit o' oorsels ! "

" What Scotland thinks to-day England will think to-morrow."
—From a Scotch Correspondent.

vol. 1xxvii.

a a