Punch (77.1879)

November 8, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

213

THE SIMLA SENSITIVE PLANT

Which shuts itself up from the Touch of the Press.

HAPPY-THOUGHT GUIDE TO LONDON.

(Being a Dickens of a Dickensionary for the use of Visitors to the Metropolis.)

RAILWAYS _ (Metropolitan).—Now, a Londoner can travel all over, or rather all under, the
Metropolis by rail. Excessive sharpness must not be expected from the officials as, like neglected
knives, they are always under-ground. Visitors to London should be careful on getting a Metropolitan

Railway Guide, to "read between
the lines," or they '11 get awfully
mixed up. At the same time they
must be warned against reading
between the lines when two
trains are coming; in fact, if
they're reading at all, tbey'd
better remain on the platform.
Of course this is a mere matter of
plat-form. A Bill in Parliament
is necessary to get up the steam
for any new line, and when the
mighty engine of the law has done
its work, the ground is got over
rapidly, and the Company are in
possession of a " Legal tender."
Tbe Railway Commissioners sit
during term time and direct all
examinations for commissions in
the (llailway) Guards. Any one
can be a ticket-taker, the only
necessary qualification being to
possess the right sum of money to
take a ticket, and to go to the
office at the correct time. There
is a fine Metropolitan Railway
Museum to which collectors are
invited to contribute.

RALEIGH CLUB.—Sometimes
called Rawleigh, sometimes Ray-
leigh. For example, in the latter
case, if you are pointing out the
building to a friend, and observe,
" That's theRayleigh," youmust
look for the reply, " Is it raylly ?"
If looked upon as Itaivleigh., no
member can expect his chop to
be thoroughly done, as it would be
contrary to the traditions of the
Club. Some pronounce it "Rally,"
under the impression that it was
founded by Sir Walter Rally,
the great pantomimist of Queen
Elizabeth's Court. He used to
go about with a bit of a cloak
like a square piece of carpet,which
he would put down in the^street,
and then go through a, perform-
ance, accompanying himself on
his pipe. He was of a placid and
contented disposition, and history
records that he only once showed
any annoyance, and that was when
his servant, thinking his master
was on lire, emptied a bucket of
water over him, and Sir Walter
owned to having been considerably
"put out."

RATCLIFF HIGHWAY. —
The place has very much changed
since it deserved the name of
Ratcliff. There is now no cliff,
and very few rats — at least
visible.

READWGROOMS—Specially
for the use of those who make a
hurried luncheon on Reading bis-
cuits. Worth a visit. Every one
brings his own tin, and pays for
himself.

RECORD OFFICE. — All in-
sufficiently fastened, or open
boxes found at the luggage-
stations are brought here, and
each case is re-corded. Chief
Officer (for ; Scottish lives) the
Thane of Cawder. A Special
Recorder for the City of London,
whose duty it is to see that all
the Lord Mayor's boxes—the
Mayor's boxes are called, of
course, Horse-boxes—are properly
closed for travelling.

REFORM CLUB. — Originally
started by Martin Luther in
the time of Henry the Eighth.