Punch (77.1879)

November 29, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 251

DOUBLE IRRITATION.

Brown (by no means an Adonis). "Tab Letter's for you, Sir! Con-found it all, we're

always being taken for each other ! ! ! "

Smith (no Adonis cither). "I know we are! And, if it comes to that, 'Con-found it all'
yourself, Sir ! ! ! "

MIND -WHERE YOU PUT YOUR
FEET.

Here Vischer, an eminent Ger-
man authority on Art and ^Esthetics,
has lately been emptying the vials of
his wrath in a Stuttgardt journal
over rude people who lay their dirty
foot-coverings on railway cushions
in front of them. This is a nasty,
dirty habit; but still, if people were
never guilty of setting their feet on
anything more sacred than Railway-
cushions ! When one thinks of all
that Prince Bismarck, for instance,
has set his feet on! And such big
boots as he wears too—and so far
from clean as they are sometimes!
Suppose Herr Vischer looked a little
beyond the railway carriage! But
Punch, in his insolent and insular
freedom forgets there is the Correc-
tional Police-Rod in pickle for the
backs of all who dare impiously to
poke'Jfun at the awful Chancellor of
the Empire, whose will is law,—
justice to the contrary notwithstand-
ing,—and whose warningto his critics
in the press, short, sharp, and deci-
sive, is " Shut up, or be shut up."

A Really Hard Case P

" The Irish labourer, John "Whelan,
who was sentenced to death at the last
Manchester Assizes for the murder of his
wife \j kicking her, but who was strongly
recommended to mercy on account of his
wife's irregular habits and the provoca-
tion he received, has been respited."—
Last Friday's Times.

Of course he has, poor fellow!
Sentenced to death for kicking his
wife to death—and an aggravating
wife too! Hard lines, indeed!

They manage these things better
at Liverpool. There, the sentence in
such a case is six months' imprison-
ment.

A YOICE EX CATHEDRA.

Dear Mr. Punch,

I am an Arm-chair Politician. I am not at this moment
sitting in my arm-chair, but if any Statesman wishes to address me,
I can go back to it at the shortest notice. I have been told that I
can turn the scale at the next election. It is very pleasant to feel
one's own importance, and to know that it rests on so solid a basis
as this very comfortable piece of furniture. My upholsterer informs
me that there never was such a demand for well-stuffed and well-
planned easy-chairs within his memory, and I know that his memory
is good, for he has just sent me in a bill which I thought was paid
two years ago.

Of course I have not yet made up my mind how to vote. In all
probability I shall support that Party which soothes my fears
and flatters my vanity with the greatest degree of success. I
consider that English Politics are in a very unsatisfactory condition.
Merit is not sufficiently rewarded. I myself have applied for
appointments to five successive Governments, and have received
merely evasive replies. I have no opinions, but I rather fancy
that what the country really needs is a Ministry composed of men of
the same opinion as myself. An Arm-chair Cabinet would, I think,
meet the wants of the situation. My upholsterer thinks so, too.

As to the Eastern Question. The Government seem to me to have
done their best, but not to have done it at all well. They seem to be
a very honest set of straight-forward men, yet, at the same time,
I am afraid they are rather deficient in integrity. I do not agree with
those who accuse them of having carried on two unjust wars, yet I
am not satisfied of the justice of the campaigns in which they have
engaged. Their conduct of the finances may, perhaps, be open to
criticism, though, as far as I can see, our finances are in a better
condition than those of Turkey. I do not approve of the attacks
that have been made on the policy of the Ministry, though, of
course, the duty of an Opposition is to oppose what they think
wrong.

As to home questions, I do not see what reforms are needed, nor
do I think anybody else does; and I am equally divided between a
dread of going too fast and of standing still. I hope I have made
my views perfectly plain.

My wife says something which I cannot quite hear about " a some-
thing between two bundles of hay ; " but the female mind is always
a foe to impartiality. Unless my upholsterer lowers his prices, I am
opposed to Female Suffrage, as I foresee that my wife, had she a
vote, would infallibly demand another Arm-chair. I think one
Arm-chair Politician in a house is enough. Yours,

Eitherside Eastman.

A Check Marked "No Effects."

Whatever the "Elswick Gas Check" may have done at Shoe-
buryness (see the Times' report on its efficiency), it seems clear that,
up to the present, the "Edison Gas Check"—as we may call the
Electric Light—has not proved practically effectual.

logic and light.

It used to be commonly said to be impossible to prove a negative.
But now Photographers say that they can.

Arrest of Irish Anti-Rent Agitators.—Daly Killen DavittP
If it was only Biggar Killen Parnell!

Irish Reading.—"Riotousness cxalteth a nation."

The One Home-Ruler for Ireland.—The Law!