Punch (91.1886)

December 25, 1886.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A S the Old Year neared its ending, Mr. Punch a vision had,
fl Strangely mingling many matters, old and new, and grave and glad.

Dreamland's ways are mad and motley, and the vision ebbed and flowed
Shifting as the shapes of Fashion, or a rural J P.'s code.

* * # * *

LacJesley Hall! A mellow piping lifts above the curlew's cry;
'Tis our throstle-throated Laureate having just another try.

Echoes of our youth ring through it, mingled with the minor moan
Murmuring of departed passions, and illusions long outgrown.

* * * * *

Then—0 Gates of Horn and Ivory ! is your world without a plan ?—
Stretched upon a cosy couch there lies, and smiles, a Fasting Man !

He is sleek and he is rosy, no emaciated Shade,

Like Merlatti, Jaques, or Succi, members of the strange new trade.

" Bah ! Competitive Starvation is unmitigated trash ! "
Mutters humbug-hating Punchius, and his ardent optics flash.

" Ugly Ugolino business, gathering morbid gobemouches round,
Making suffering a show, all for 'gate-money,' I'll be bound.

" Could they now, the charlatans, contrive to teach the famished poor
How in these distressful times to keep the grim wolf from the door;

" How to starve ■with ease and comfort, whilst the Poor Law Guardians prate
As to whether Hunger's harrying is ' exceptionally great,'

" Then the dolts might do some service. But their abstinence from grub ?—
Purposeless as Channel swims or shooting rapids in a tub !

" Yet this fellow's gills are rosy, he's as plump as Christmas suet.
Starving seems to suit you, Mister. How the dickens do you do it ? "

Then the Faster's ruddy visage corrugated with a wink,

And he showed a flask in which a liquor bright did bead and blink.

" This is my Elixir Vitte! " And he popped it on the table.
"Punch's Spirit-Essence " gleamed in golden letters on the label.

" Chaos, Cosmos! Cosmos, Chaos! Who can tell how all will end ? "
Piped the Poet. " Come," cried Punch, " cheer up, my dithyrambic friend!