Punch: Punch (91.1886)

July 24, 1886.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAKIVAPJ.

37

DISAPP1NTMENT.

I was a
reading of
my lav-
rite paper,
the City
Press, the
other day,
witehnat-
rally has
a great
charm for
me, as it
gives a-
eounts of
all the
grate City
Bankwets
—witch
must be
such wer-
ry pies-
sent read-
ing to all
them un-
fortnate
pore fel-
lers as
nevergoes
to 'em,—
summut
i n'L the
' same way
as we sees
a lot of
pore hun-
gry fellers

theycarnt

aiord to buy,—wen my eye fell on a enounsement as farely took
away my breth! It was a descripshun of a hole week's entertain-
ments as was to be given to the Colonials and Injeans as is cum to
the Xhibishun, jest to show 'em how glad the old Copperashun is to
see em, and to give 'em all sum idear of what they means by old
English horsepitality.

Like the fine old Xtian Gennulmen as they is, they was to foller
out their good custom of saying Grace afore meat, but they was to do
it on rayther a large scale, as was rite and propper. For a hole week
of Bankwets they was to have a hole arternoon of Grace, and they
dewoted the Sunday of that week of weeks to a grand service in Sum
Paul's Cathedral. On Munday, His Royal Iness the Prince of
Whales was to drive the fust Pile, or to lay the fust Stone—jest as
he felt best ahel to do as regards his strength,—of the new Bridge at
the Tower of Lundon, as the Copperashun is a goin°; for to bild, all
out of there own pockets, as Brown told me, and all our Wisiters
was to be there to see how it's dun, and to drink to the Prince's
jolly good elth, after his most arjuous labours, for witchpurpus they
was all ingaged in the Halbert Hall ewery nite a lerning to sing the
chorus, " God Bless the Prince of Whales," and Sir Arthtte
oollyiion thort as they'd be quite pufiect by the time, as there was
but few on 'em as hadn't already found the right cord.

I, of course, werry naterally thort as I shood be wanted on that
It I- °?aslmn' but, as as been explaynd, it all fell through, and all
the distinguisht gests, including the pore Dook of Camebeidge his-
sey—who has bin herd to say as the City is the only place in witch to
get a trewly grate dinner,—was sent empty away. As ill luck would
have it, I had been rash enuif to promis my nice Neece, as is ingaged
at a certain Theater as shall be nameless, to git her a peep of the
snerrymonial and aU the elustrious gests, witch I could esily have
managed, but of course as there wasn't to be not no wittles I wasn't

W ol, t' 80 our little Same didn,t cum offl

bore her disapintment werry pashently, tho the tears amost

nlled her butiful eyes as she spoke of her natral longing to see how

Princesses drest theirselves, so I prommised to get her into the gallery

at the werry next grand dinner as we had, witch I did last week,

+ j mana!?ed to get her summut nice to heat and summut nice

t ' tnd we was to have sum of our werry grandest speakers, I

thort as she wood be well repaid for her loss. Ah! they was speeches,

tney was! The Chairman's helloquenee was summut suhblime!

voi. xoi.

He said that " arter the too long ears of the late'Lordltf aee's offishal
life had expired, it seemed as if the zennith of Glory had bin
reached ! " He then presented his sueksessor with a Testymoniel in
the following flood of burning helloquence. " Wen, Sir, in your
declining years your faltering eye falls upon this Tee-Pot, you will
feel like the old Soger in the well-known Song, who, when he saw his
old f amilyer Tee-Pot, shoulderd his Crutch and showed how Fields
was won! "

Naterally the distlngwisht Gent thus addressed was "a little'over-
come, but he pulled hisself together like a man, tossed off a bumper
of '47 Port, and replied right off without a paws. " Sir, in the words
of the emortal Bard, the sweet Swon of Havon, this hevening shall be
engraven on the Tables of my memory till Time shall be no more! "

Ah! that was a Bankwet, that was, it isn't off en as ewen I hear
sitch langwidge, as I heard that night, and I was thankful that I
had been inabled to give my fare Neece sitch a hinterlectual treat as
that was, speshally as being ony a hactress she couldn't, of coarse,
be used to it. Well I got her out of the gallery all right, m werry
good time, and as I let her out at the side door. I says to her, " and
how have you injoyed yourself, my deer P " Wen to my most per-
found estonishment, she edrest me thus, "Well, Huncle"—she
always calls me Huncle—" I will say, as the wittles was good, and
the wine was good, and the singing wasn't at all bad, tho' lean hear
better any nite for a shilling, but as for them long dull dreary
speeches, all made up of butter and treecle, I don't think as I never
heard greater rubbish in all my life ! " and before I Jeould recover
from my perfound estonishment, she was gorn!

Poor thing ! Wot has she not lost by her.'ewedent want of that
eddicashun as enables us as is more fortnet to* injoy a reel interleo-
shal treet! _ Robebt.

PAPER-KNIFE ' POEMS.

(By Our Specictl Book-Marker.)
"THE HYGIENE OF THE VOCAL OB.GANS."

All singers and speakers who are anxious to know

How the voice should he treated, must speedily go

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They will read it with pleasure, the subject they '11 then see,

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"THE LAST STAKE."

Madame Foli here gives us a tale of to-day,

The scene's Monte Carlo, the subject is play •

Till you've finished the story you scarcely will stop,

And The Last Stake, I fancy, you '11 reckon "first chop."

"BAD TO BEAT."

Heke, full of "go" and cunning art—

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Tells dashing, cheery Hawley Smart,

A story, Bad to Beat !

"OUTLINES OF THE LIFE OF SHAKSPEAKE."
Heee Halliwell-Phillips, you '11 find quite at home,
Discoursing of Shakspeabb in well-printed tome;
A tome '( There are two, which you 're bound to con o'er—
They 're brimming with choicest Shakspearian lore!
These " Outlines " are true, and they 're bound to attract,
They 're full of good pictures and legend and fact;
Here deeds and old playbills and maps may be found,
Rare letters well copied, and plans, too, abound.
Throughout it is crammed with minute information,
With careful statistics, exact illustration ;
The work has been subject to careful revision,
And is greatly enlarged in this present edition.

"THE BASILISK."

The story St. Legee and Stephens unfold

Will tend to your edification;
The plot is ingenious, the tale is well told,

And full of most startling sensation!

Captain Hawhaw, who always makes "ar" into "aw," was
giving the address of a wealthy Hebrew of his acquaintance, '' who,"
he said, " lives at Pawk Place, Regent's Pawk." Every one was
astonished. There is one place near Twickenham where no strict
Jew could possibly reside.

General Boulanger fired in the air in his duel with Baron de
LaeeintT. Had swords been chosen, a similar result might have
been expected. Tho French War Minister seems just the man to
stick at nothing.