Punch (91.1886)

September 18, 1886.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHABIVARI. 133

THE RECENT TROPICAL HEAT.

Driver. Fly, Sie, Fly ?" Old ffent. " Phew ! 'Wish I could !"

PAPER-KNIFE POEM,S.

{By Owr Special Book-Marker.)

"A PLAYWRIGHT'S DAUGHTER."
Heee Mrs. Edwabdes cleverly depicts
The sweet girl-heroine she loves so well;
And in her latest story clearly shows
The hand that graceful Arc hie Lovell drew,'
Its cunning has not lost, or art forgot!

"MY FRIEND JIM."
The thinnest of plots, but the lightest of touch,
A story by Nobeis you '11 like very much.

" ORANGES AND ALLIGATORS."
Foe those who love a pleasant hook,

No doubt Miss Habdy deftly caters ;
South Florida she pictures well,

In Oranges and Alligators.

"THE MASTER OF THE CEREMONIES."
Abduction", elopement, and stealing of jewels—
With runaway ponies and brawling and duels—,

Well sketched by clever pen!
A most artful plot, which is full of sensation—
A story well told for your edification

By Bkilf ul Manville Fenit,

"FATAL BONDS."
A taxe, by Dowllng-, full, you 'll'see,

Of thrilling situation;
In novels 'tis a novelty,

Replete with strong sensation!

" FRANCIS."
A somewhat novel style of hero
Is pictured here by M. Dax Veeo !
His socialism's rather hollow,
But such that all would like to follow,
Could they acquire the sighs and glances,
The heart and hand that conquered Francis !

Net Result op the Inteenationai Yacht Race.—
That our British Henn, though a game bird, is not cock
of the walk just yet.

THE LAST NEW FRENCH RESOLUTION!

These's jest one good practise as I allers follers wenl'm ahaying
of my summer olliday. And that good practise is never to read no
noosepapers, and why ? Simply becoz I don t want em. I wants to
he auiet and at rest, and not to have nothink to wurry or egsite me.
To have plenty to eat, and plenty to drink, and plenty of rest, and
nothink to do, thems my ideers of an olliday, and not sitch werry bad
ones neather, as a Gull or a Gexneb will tell yer if you arsks him.
So till I came ome I was hutterly hignorant of wot had been going
on in Parris. Ah, we've most on us heard of a great French
Rewolution ever so long ago, but I don't suppose as that was nothink
like wot took place last month in Parris, when all the Waiters,, or as
they calls 'em there, Grassons, bust out into hopen rebellion m the
broad daylight, and marched, with their blood red Banners a flying
nte up to the Otel de Veal, so sillybrated for its Cutlets and
demanded their rites' Wot a hawful ewent for Parris, of all Cittys
m the world, the Pairodice of Cooks and Cookery and conseqwently
of Waiters. There's no telling what might ha happened, but the
Waiters like true Gentlemen as they are, not wishing to drive the
Peeple to their extremitys, by their absense at dinner, left off
rebelling about fore a Clock in the arternoon, and went ome to their
own dinners afore commencing their heavy heavening dooties for the
dinners of others.

I carnt quite understand wot it was all about, praps becoz it was
all done in the French langwidge, with which I am not werry
tamillyer but Brown tells me as they wanted to play the old game
oi uubble or quits," which means in French, dubble my wages,
or 1 quits your service " but I sumtimes has to dowt Bbown's strict
werassity. It gives one sum slite idear of the bloodthirsty conduct
of the French Perleece when one reads that in Joseph Street—which
Brown tells me leads to Pottifar Street,—they acshally arested two
baiters and a butcher boy and seized a Flag! Did those sewcre
measures stop the rewolution ? No, suttenly not, for the brave heros
marched on to Cleary Square where they were again attacked by the
mercyless Perleece, and se'weral ground-floor winders broken!
Notnink dornted, the gallant fellers rallied on Pont Neuf Bridge,

but the fo barred the way and dispersed them, but not before they
had, in their wrath, torn down a sineboard ! At 5 a clock, adds the
sympathising reporter, they were all tired out, and dispersed, of
their own accord, to get sumthink to eat. And so ended the fust
Hact of this fearful rewolution, to be re-commenced when least
expected.

These terrible ewents in a naybouring Country, has naterally called
atention to the onerabel class to witch I has the onner to belong to,
wiz., the London Waiters, and I lerns with perfound astonishment
and. sorrowful regret that there is no less than sewenteen thowsand
forren Waiters in this our own native Country, a trying to supplant
us in the good opinion of our employays, as the French calls 'em, and
wot is we reckomended to do so as to hold our hone in this fritefool
and unnateral compeertition. I ardly expex to be bleeved, but its
littorally trew, wen I says as we are told to set to work and lern
Frensh, and Jerman, and Etallian! What a pitty they didn't add
Chineese and Injian while they was about it. There never was
greater rubbish torked or ritten. What does a reel Gentleman care
about his Waiter forking four langwidges if he carnt anser questions
propperly and give adwiee wen asked for it. Take a Jerman Waiter,
wot does he know about Port Wine, and the difference between noble
47's, and dellycate 51's, and a Frenchman ain't no better. Wot with
their washy Ock and their thin sour Claret, their poor pallets is quite
destroyed afore they cums over here to push us off our stools, as
Macbeth says in the play. And then how they fidgets and shuffles
about behind the gentlemen's cheers, witch is a noosance as no reel
gentleman can stand while he's a setting at his dinner.

Besides, tho' in course I ain't no judge of their forren tungs, I do
see the differculty they has to understand wots sed to them in Inglish
and the ewen grater difficulty as they has in replying in Inglish, so
as to be understood, speshally by the fare sects. So I for one ain't
got no sort of fear of being cut out by a meer Forrener, ewen if he
coud speak a duzzen of tungs. There's a sort of respecful dignerty,
and, wot the French calls, a jenny say quor, about a reel English
Hed Waiter, much the same as there is about a bottle of grand
crusty old Port, as was never equalled yet by any figetty forren
waiter, weather he came from Franse or Jermany. Robebt.

vol, xci.