Punch (91.1886)

November 20, 1886.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 241

GOLF.

As " Put" by D. Crambo, Junior,

" Putting " on the " Links." The " Tee " and the " Caddie."

A Showy Manner of Handling
the " Clubs."

1 i i~

A beautiful " Iron " Shot. The " Spoon."

FASTER AND FASTER.

Mr dear Editor, you may remember that when you sent
me to Paris to '' sleeping ear" for you, some ten days ago, I
confessed that one of my greatest compensations for the
disturbance of my domestic arrangements was the pros-
pect the trip held out to me of being able to visit MM.
Mebeatti and Succi, the fasting men, and perchance
become their rivals. "Having for years experienced a
strong wish to give up food-taking,, I wrote, I thought
if I once got to the Gay City I might take a few hints
from them anent the best mode of carrying out my
economical intention." So, although my first object was
to efficiently represent you, my second was to learn how
to preserve the graceful line of my chest. In the character
of your agent I ate and drank everything I thought you
would have liked, replying to those who murmured when
I asked for a fourth helping of filet de bceuf sauce Bear-
naise, that I knew you would have done the same had
you been there to do it.* Having thus performed my
duty to you, I called upon the fasting men.

There were two of them. The first was Signor Mee-
latti, whom I found domiciled in the most gorgeous
apartments on the first floor of the Grand Hotel. I did

* " Qui facit per aliimi facit per se." Our Representative
did face it per sea, and so probably bis usual excellent appetite
was considerably sharpened. But we must warn him that, at a
certain reasonable point, Our responsibility ceases; and we are
bound to remind him that an agent is liable to a criminal prose-
cution for exceeding instructions.—Ed.

not see the Starving One alone, as I accompanied one of the most accomplished
linguists of modern times, who was influenced by a motive different to my own.
As I have said, my sole desire was to learn how to do without food, his was
to accumulate material for an article no doubt to be published in some
scientific journal. We took with us a. third friend, a dramatist of repute and
the proprietor of a theatre, who, I fancy, was on the look-out to see if he
could work "the f asters" either into the pathetic scenes of a sensation melo-
drame or the after-part of a Christmas pantomime. We all three had note-
books. We had come prepared with a card of introduction from one of the
greatest of our Paris Correspondents, and had managed on the road to lose the
talisman. However, this calamity was not attended by disaster. The waiters,
on learning that we wanted to see the Faster, immediately ushered us into his
presence. He was seated beside a table in a gorgeous saloon, with two beds
behind him, and a signboard representing (so I imagined) The Mephistopheles
Head " in front of him. There was also a salver containing a napoleon and two
gold pieces of ten francs, not very far from him. As we understood that by
the rules of his fast he was not allowed to eat metal, we none of us could explain
the raison d'etre of the money. My friend the Linguist began in fluent Italian
to ask him several questions, to which he received long answers.

" What's he saying ? " I inquired, and was told that he was giving an account
of his life up to then. " What was his life ? " I persisted.

" Oh, most interesting," returned my friend the Linguist, filling his note-book
with eagerness and rapidity.

At length the Faster mentioned a London address, very familiar to me, and I
was induced to ask him if " he could speak English ? "

" Oh, yase," he promptly replied, and much to the surprise (and I can't help
fancying a little to the chagrin) of my friend the Linguist, M. Merlatii gave me
a number of very interesting particulars in Anglo-Saxon. He said that he
wished to prove that he could live entirely upon water for an indefinite period,
and that his case was attracting the attention of the most scientific doctors.

_ M. Mebeatti was immensely pleased to hear that I was Your Kepresentative,
Sir,_ and gave me to understand, that he considered that the doctors would
derive immense benefit from my assistance. Encouraged by this very friendly
reception, I asked the Faster why he had the sign-board of " The Mephisto-
pheles Head," in the room with him, when he told me that it was a portrait
of himself painted by a friend. Shortly after this we took our leave with
many expressions of mutual regard. We were careful to avoid disturbing
the salver in any way, for fear that the coins therein contained, might possibly
be a part of some interesting experiment. My friend, the dramatist and
theatrical manager, on our way to the Rue Gluck, to see M. Succi, was
silent, no doubt making up his mind whether he should introduce M. Meeeatti
under the heading of "Dying of Thirst in the Desert," in his forthcoming
melodrama, or treat him from a strictly pantomimic point of view, and bring
his effigy out of a trick tea-pot labelled "the water cure," or "a Whine from
foreign parts."

The menage of the second Faster was very different from that of the first.
A certain dignified melancholy had prevailed in "No. 93, Grand Hotel"—in the
Rue Gluck, all was life and activity. _ We were shown into a room containing
circulars, which covered handsome chairs and sofas, and overflowed on to costly
carpets. Two gentlemen were busily employed in addressing envelopes, assisted
by a lady of commanding appearance. Walking about, smoking a large cigar,
and wearing a sort of Turkish fez, was a third gentleman, who I took, from
the venerable dignity of his appearance, to be an Italian doctor, of world-wide
reputation. The Faster was also there, looking bright and courageous. There
was an air about the room and its occupants of business-like energy that was
absolutely exhilarating. I felt ashamed of sitting idle, and, could I have
managed it, would have done something extremely active in the fasting line
myself. Again the Linguist plunged in medias res with his Italian. At first
none of the foreigners appeared to understand English, when suddenly one of
the gentlemen at the desks sprang up, and seized the Linguist by the hand, and
the dignified old person with the big cigar and the Turkish fez greeted my other
friend with equal heartiness. It appears that they were all, more or less,
acquaintances. At the moment of the rapprochement I was talking to M. Succi
in admirable French, and, after hearing from him that he (so I understood him
to say, although, I frankly admit, I may have mistaken his meaning) had taken
part in the Zulu War, which had given him the first rough idea of fasting, was
courteously expressing to him my enchantment at having met him.

" Enchants de vous voir," I observed, with a bow, and from tbat
moment all was joy and contentment. We were so heartily pleased with one
another, that, I think if anyone had proposed it (say the lady of commanding
appearance) all of us would have willingly taken part in a vigorous war-dance.
The rest of our visit, was spent m mutual congratulations.

Wben we had left, I asked my companion, " who, their friends were ? " and
learned that the acquaintance of the Linguist, was a gentleman very well-
known in Tunis, and well known to the dramatist as a theatrical agent of the
widest experience m Italy. And here were both of them united in the pleasant
bonds of scientific research! It was most gratifying !

When I got back to my hotel, and quietly thought the matter over, I
came to the conclusion a little sadly, that fasting was being so admirably done
by its two most recent exponents, that perhaps after all, there was no room
" for poor little me."

However, I was consoled by the thought that I might gain distinction
in a feat in an opposite direction. I saw in the papers, that a champion
devourer had sprung up. Why should I not become Ms rival, and call myself
The Great Consumptionist ?_ I immediately commenced training for the contest
and have been eating ever since. Chables—Youb Feiend.

VOL. XOI.

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