Punch (91.1886)

December 4, 1886.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

265

UNDERGROUND STUDIES.

Smoking Compartment.

Wait till the Train Stops.

Third Class. To Seat Six.

TO EVERYBODY.

Is answer to the questions -which have appeared in newspapers all
over the world, and also to those contained in letters from innumerable
correspondents, as to the meaning of a Pictorial Joke signed with the
well-known initials C. .K., and entitled "Philological," which
appeared on p. 254 of the Number for November 27, Mr. Punch,
with every wish to calm the public mind, which during the recent
fogs has been so greatly exercised on this subject, has great
pleasure in announcing urbi et orbi, that the Artist will give a prize,
the nature and value of which will be fixed by the donor, and
that Mr. Punch himself will supplement this with an additional
prize of one copy of his Eoyal Jubilee Almanack for 1887, to Anyone,
Anywhere, who, having full possession of his reason, and being in
the perfect enjoyment of his liberty, shall offer such a solution as
shall be within distinctly measurable distance of the exact point of
the original joke intended to be set forth in the above-mentioned
prize-puzzle picture. And hereto we set our hand and seal.

{Signed $raW<H%,

ADVICE GEATIS.
Legax.

Supplied byT. Sharpits, Esq., Solicitor, 26, Botany Bay Buildings, E.G.

A. Gull.—Tou are evidently quite at the mercy of your creditor.
Only a very clever Solicitor can get you out of the scrape you are in.
I advise you to consult one. You had better be careful to go to a
lawyer who gives some guarantee for his thorough respectability and
competency (such as a recognised City address, contributing legal
advice to weekly journals, &c.) "Without in any way obtruding per-
sonal claims in this column, I may mention that my own office hours
are ten to five, and my fee unusually low.

Bessie.—Certainly you are legally married. In fact from your
statement, which is very confused, it seems that you have been
married three times over. If so, you have committed Bigamy.
Consult a Solicitor.

Law Student.—l. No, a 'Will had better not be written in pencil

on the margin of an old newspaper. 2. Look it up in Blacestone ;
you cannot expect me to act as a Coach (without remuneration) for
your forthcoming Exam. 3. The Master of the Rolls is not the
Managing Director of the Aerated Bread Company.

Householder.—Yes, you can appeal against your Bates, if you
think it worth while to do so. After waiting two or three months,
you will probably, at some time during your summer holidays, when
you are away and have forgotten all about the matter, be summoned
before the Assessment Committee to explain your reasons for appeal-
ing. There is not the least chance of your assessment being lowered,
but there is always the possibility of its being raised as the result of
an Appeal.

J. D.—You say a noisy and savage mastiff, under no control what-
ever, frequently comes over the back wall into your garden. "Why
not strew prussic acid on the grass ?_ You have the right of user of
your own premises. It will cure his barking. N.B.—Be careful to
carry a thick stick with you for the next week or so. Owners some-
times resent their dogs' decease, and attempt a battery.

A Humane Mistress.—No, you have no right to knock the cook down
the kitchen-stairs with a broom-handle, and I fear you may get into
trouble in consequence of having done so, in a moment of forgetful-
ness. Consult a Solicitor, and see answer to A. Gull. Strapping
your housemaid tightly to the handle of the pump, while you
ransacked her box in search of missing forks was also perhaps
" ultra vires." Her excuse for wishing to leave, viz., that you
frequently assaulted her when intoxicated, and kept her for two
whole days without any food whatever, would be a good one, if true
But, as you say, nowadays servants never know when they are well
off. Your case is an interesting one, and I should be happy to take
it up—on public grounds.

Engineer.—Sharpus on Costs, is the authority on the matter
you ask about. It is an excellent work, and can be obtained at any
Law Stationer's.

Tenant.—You have certainly been unfortunate. The Landlord
has no liability to rebuild the chimney-stack which has fallen through
into your front bedroom, or to put a new roof on in the place of the
one blown off by a recent gust of wind. The fact that the whole
house is infested with a venomous West-African spider, imported by
the last tenant, and that all your family are prostrate with typhoid
fever, from the fact of the parish sewer emptying itself directly into
your basement, does not give you the right to claim damages from
your Landlord, or the Vestry, or anybody else. A Solicitor's letter
might do good. Try one. "We keep blank forms at our office.

Distressed Landlord.—If, as you say, the man you have put in
possession has locked himself into a cellar and refuses to come out,
owing to the presence of six large and ferocious Australian fighting
wombats in the house, which the defaulting tenant—who is now in
Russia—brought over with him in a recent voyage from Melbourne,
I do not see what you are to do. As you remark, it is no use to send
another man in, as nobody would go. Apply to Broadmoor, and see
if they can lend you a couple of powerful criminal lunatics for a day
or two, to enter and overpower the wombats. Meanwhile, perhaps
you could get the people next door to knock a hole in the wall, and so
feed the imprisoned bailiff by means of arrowroot conveyed through a
pipe. Consult a Solicitor.

READY FOR THE ROD.

Five thousand and twenty-one teachers employed by the London
School Board have petitioned that august body in favour of their
being allowed, in some shape or other, to administer corporal punish-
ment to refractory pupils. Much has been well urged on the other
side, and the sort of instrument that ought to be used for punishment
is also under discussion. ..,.,,„

As it happens the Board have still time to institute further inves-
tigation in the matter, the decision of the question having been
adjourned, it would really be^ as well if in the meantime the
Members could, by some practical tests on each other, arrive at a
definite conclusion on the subject. The Rev. Mr. Diggle, as Chair-
man, could, if intrusted with several specimens of canes and rods, be
safely relied on not to jeopardise his judicial calm by the display of
any unusual excitement in their use. In this way some interesting
experiments might be essayed, and valuable evidence secured, and
no doubt those Members of the Board who are in favour of the exten-
sion of corporal punishment would only be too happy to volunteer
their services for its experimental reception. By the carrying out of
some such arrangement, Mr. Diggle would be able, at the next
meeting of the Board, to address it with the authoritv gathered from
actual experience of the subject, and the matter might then, once
and for all, be definitely disposed of and settled.

Sublime Person. Will you not come with me to hear the lecture
on the Utter ?

Frivolous and Uncesthetic Person. Depends on who's the Utterer.

vol. xci.