Punch (91.1886)

November 27, 1886.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

253

A MADE MUSICIAN.

(Communicated by a Mesmerised Composer.)
"Musicus fit, non nascitur."

Successful ? Rather! I should say I was!

I had to struggle hard!at. first, because,

To gain a reputation, I allow

One must eat dirt. But there! I ve done it now.

I'm not a foreigner-I pass as one

In England—hut that's more than half the fun;

Hoxton's my birthplace, and {is my belief

My father did a trade m ham and beef.

Of that 1 can't be sure ; lor while quite young

I got kicked out of home for too much tongue."

And, after wandering in hopeless plight

I found at last a friend who set me right.

A kindly lady! Would that she, now dead,

Could see the laurels that adorn my head!

She took me in and taught me all I know,

Trained me herself in V^Jm% music so

To her I owe my tender, tearful touch

She gave me what she bad. It was not much.

Together o'er the Continent we hied

I lived on her, and sorrowed when she died.

She loved me. But, though she had no relations,

Her will scarce realised my expectations:

I'd grown to man's estate; alas ! her own

All went to '1 Charities." H I had known

Her game beforehand, I'd have broached the topic

Of ' ' Self " Why will folks be so philanthropic i

Something I had to do. Italian Trench,

Spanish and German, not on scholar s bench

Learned as in England, but to speak I knew,

And I could warble, though my notes were few.

" I '11 be a Great Musician! I exclaimed.

"A Cosmopolitan! Composer! Famed!

England's my home ! Too long my light's been hid.

I '11 do a thundering business there ! I did-

Eventually. But ah, the tedious toil

The weary weeks I passed ere I struck oil!

And, oh, what rapture when I got a letter

(After my landing, quite a month, or better)

From Lady Verb, to say- ' I heard you smg

At Signer WottS. Will you kindly bring

Some music, and allow my friends to hear

Tour charming voice ? Yours truly, V. be Vebe."

That note I treasure in my album yet.

Ladies, dear Ladies! yes; I am your pet!_

vol. xci.

Thus was the first stone of my fortune
laid: [afraid
I made a succes—what's more, I'm
That fond hearts fluttered as I sang
and sighed, [unsatisfied.
Hearts doomed, perchance, to break,
Oh, it was rich! I rolled my goose-
berry eyes, [cries,
Rattled my E's, rent heaven with my
I ogled, languished, forced my throaty
voice, [choice
Trembled, with passion—till the men for
Fled from the room; but Ladies, small

and great,
Clamoured for more! I let] them have
it straight.

And now, my place assured, I pile up
gold,

Each song I write .is quickly bought—
and sold.

For, as you know, I work like any-
thing, [sing.
And I "compose" the music that I
Of course I'm ignorant of " harmony,"

and so on,
But none the less exultingly I go on
Procuring lays that deal with Love and
June,

And on the piano fumble out the tune.
My stuff is " ungrammatical and crude,"
As candid Critics say, when in the
mood;

But what care I what anybody says P
I write for Women, and I find it pays:
And though my songs may possibly
make you sick, [music.
The Ladies like them, and they buy my
Farewell, farewell! Here, take this

brace of grouse,
Sent by the Duke. I'm off to Squall-
borough House!

FIVE O'CLOCK FRIVOL.

[By a Seal Lady.)

Dearest Madge,.—Such a fanny thing happened to my last letter. It was
sent to the manager of the oldest evening paper by mistake, instead of to you.
I have been blushing crimson every time I have driven down the Strand since.

Furs will be very much worn this winter. This will be good news indeed to
many ladies of position, whose furs are very much worn already; for, as you
know, ma chere, if there is one thing more dear to a mondaine's heart than
another, it is to be in the forefront of the mode without being obliged to pay for
the privilege. Cecil, who is such a tease, says I ought to have written " the
fur-front of the mode." What do you think ?

Papa and the boys have been having very good sport lately, and we girls
have tried our culinary skill upon the trophies of the chase. Hens, riddled with
shot, are very nice indeed, treated as pheasant, and Johnnie's white rabbits
made a really succulent dish. The poor boy, who is no sportsman, made a great
fuss about fds pets, and Cecil had to give him five shillings for the sake of
peace. But, as Papa says, if they have to pay so much for their shooting at
home, they might as well have rented some, in spite of this tiresome depression
in trade. We girls have done wonders with the fowls and rabbits, but we wouldn't
allow them to make game of Puss,—I mean the Pretty, or Domestic Puss, dear;
Felis Sausaginea, Guv calls it— even though she is, theysay, a dreadful poacher.
Cecil asked us "if we could dress Hare?" Of course we said "Yes;" and
he produced what he calls Nellie's "a la rousse." She was so angry; but
everybody knew where she got that beautiful " wealth of auburn," and how she
couldn't pay for it when the bill came in.

The event of the week down here has been the De Lact Underwears' Ball.
Some of the dresses were very novel and pleasing. Mrs. Frillie Tucker,
who, entre nous, is to be the beauty next season, wore a magnificent costume
of shot plush—what the French modistes call Jacques poivree. The colour was
a delicate shade of burnt gunpowder, and the shot, as well as I could judge,
about number six. Lady Vesta Lahbswool excited much admiration in a
wonderful fluffy, fleecy gown cut a la Sopeep, a fashion which is likely to be
all the rage this winter. It has no waist to speak of, which perhaps is the
reason why dear Lady Vesta has taken it up so warmly, but it is certainly
striking, and suitable for girls of a rheumatic type of beauty.

Mamma and I were not at the Ball. You know, dear, that the De Lacy
Unberwears, for all their wealth and high position, are not quite in our set.
They made their money in a large lingerie emporium m Regent Street, which I
have often delicately puffed in the papers to which I contribute. Besides this, we
were not invited, and you know that evenjoumahstes of position cannot well go
to a house after all their efforts to obtain an invitation have been unavailing.

Noblesse oblige, my dear ; and we stayed at home and mended our stockings
with Ladder anb Ruck's excellent silk-cotton-wool; which is really the best and
cheapest now before the public. No house is complete without it. It will tie
up parcels for the post, clean the boys' pipes, act as an excellent substitute for
shoe-strings, make a really dressy necklet, and trip people up if tied across
the stairs. This reads quite like one of those silly advertisements you see in so
many so-called " fashion " articles, but I need not disclaim anything of the kind
to you. Best love, dearest, from your volatile little Tickset.

P.S.—-Do get the new literary novel, A Lone Whisperer. It is published
by Duller and Duller. Guv says it is exactly like life. If I were a man, I
know I should have been an actor._ Tickset.

Not Generally Known—Sir Robert Hamilton has been appointed to the
responsible position of Governor of Tasmania, the Tasmaniacs being- unable to
govern themselves. The holder of this office, ranks before the Governor of
Hanwell or any other Lunatic Asylum. The most distinguished experts are
of opinion that Tas-mania is not incurable, but requires gentle yet firm treat-
ment. The costume of the people is picturesque, the male Tasmaniacs for the
most part wearing strait-waistcoats. Some persons say that Sir Robert's
official duties in Ireland constituted excellent training for his new work.