Punch (91.1886)

264

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 27, 1886.

with a nobleman whose property has been reduced to the solitary
holding of a bundle at the end of a stick and a large wide-awake hat.
It must be confessed that both peer and pickpocket are very effemi-
nate, and for awhile the Maid seems unable to decide between them.
Ultimately, however, she prefers the thief, upon which the nobleman
wanders dejectedly in a ruined castle where he meets some animated
statues. He practises his steps with these quaint personages, and is
subsequently joined by the Maid herself (who seems on the whole
to be rather a fickle individual, for she has evidently deserted the
ex-robber chief), and the five indulge in a pas de cinque. It is
scarcely necessary to say, that after going so far there is but one
course open to the peer and the peasant girl, and that is immediately
to visit the Palace of Dresden China, and assist at a "porcelain ballet."
They do so, and live happily ever afterwards. And yet the leading
'' morning paper," declared that Dresdina had no plot! For the rest,
the scenery and costumes are simply superb. On the first night, a
number of persons, some of them in morning dress, were called
before the footlights. "With the exception of M. Jacobi (who had
composed some very pretty music for the piece) I did not recognise
anyone. I was told, however, that a gentleman in dark spectacles
was the maker of the dresses, from designs furnished by someone
else. I should say that this ballet will have a long run. It ought to,
as it has capital legs to do it with. Your faithful contributor,

Rusty Cuss in Urbe.

STUDIES FROM MR. PUNCH'S STUDIO.

No. V.—wyceham of JuDE's.

"Stile the old place,"
I thought, as I escaped
from the Great "Western,
in a regular Oxford cab,
and a regular Oxford day.

" Oxford that scarce
deserves the name of land,"
seemed an obvious parody
from Mabyeix, as we
splashed through the yel-
low Slough of Despond
under the railway bridge,
and caught a glimpse of
the posts in the floods, that
" to the stake a struggling
country bind." Every-
thing aboveground was a
dirty grey, everything on
the ground a dirty yellow,
and the water ran down
the old College walls, in-
side and out, when _ I
reached St. Jude's, quite
in the old familiar fashion.

"Mr.Wyceham, in Sir?
yes, Sir," said the porter,
ushering me to the remem-
bered rooms. Old Totter
had them when 1 was up.
One never saw him except'when he " drew " you for not going to
chapel. As he was too shy to .'speak to'iyou when he had captured
you, the interview was rather painful and embarrassing.

As I stood on the'eccentric wooden step outside Wyckham's door,
and was about knocking, he rushed out like a whirlwind, hurrying
on his gown as he came, and nearly sent me to the bottom of the
stairs. However, he caught me, and held me as tight as if it were
football, and I trying to run in with the ball.

" Hullo! " he cried in a great cheery voice like the Worth wind,
"here you are, I had given you up. Come on in! " He dragged me
through his outer chamber, where there were little lecture-tables and
chairs, into " a penetralia," as a learned author has it, and thrust
me into an arm-chair by the fire.

'Not more than one minute to wait," he said; "just off to a
meeting about Iffley Lock."

""What's the matter with Iffley Lock."
Oh, Ifflier than ever! Don't you see the floods? Don't you
smell'em? The Master's New Out's no good, only a temporary
palliative. If we don't sweep away Iffley Lock, the remains of the
University will soon be in the alluvial deposit of the Thames valley.
Dinner in Common room at seven; I '11 be back at six."

Then he fled, and I was left to warm myself, and reflect on Wyce-
ham and the new sort of Don. A man's books and furniture tell
you a good deal about him. Wyceham's told me that he was an
energetic, and, so to speak, multifarious character. His cap and
sword, as an officer of the Volunteer corps, were lying on a sofa.
Two oars with dark blue blades were crossed over a queer old oak

cabinet, full of classics in very crabbed type, and very thick stamped
pig-skin binding. There were some blue crackle vases, and four big
boating pewters on the chimney-piece, inscribed with the names of
ancient crews, that Wyceham had " stroked." A mummy case,
with a gilt face, gleaming rather awfully in the fire-lit dusk, stood
against a wall on which were hung a pair of bats, and a trophy of
spears from the Soudan. The table was littered with College notices
and copies of the University Gazette, and with high-class Magazines.
" Social Sophistries, by R. A. Wyckham," I read in the contents of
one, and " Ground and Lofty Tumbling, as a Mode of Motion," by
the same author, in another, a scientific periodical. There was also the
Journal of the Hellenic Society, with an essay on " Cock-fighting in
Ancient Athens, as illustrated by tivo Dipylon Vases, by R. A.
"Wyceham."

The signs of Wyceham's versatility and energy were as frequent
in the College notices as anywhere else. " Mr. "Wyceham will coach
the College Four, at three." " The College Trombone Society, will
meet in Mr. Wyceham's Rooms at ten, on Tuesday Evening." " The
College Browning Society will meet in Hall, on the thirteenth.
Essay on Browning's Aversion to finishing his Monosyllables, and
the Bearing of this on his Philosophy of Love, by Mr. Wyceham."
"While I was turning over these things men were constantly bolting
into the room in search of "Wyceham ; some were in pink, some in
cap and gown, some in boating flannels. They all begged my pardon
and rushed out again ; apparently life in Oxford is more energetic
than it used to be. In my time the stroke of the University boat
complained constantly of languor. About an hour after he had gone
out Wyceham returned like a charge of Cavalry. " Iffley Lock
has life in it yet," he said. " Now, if you'11 excuse me, I'll just knock
off all this comp., and then I'm your man." He seized a bundle of
Greek and Latin exercises, and hewed his way through them, as it
were, with a red pencil, " blazing" the passages he disliked, correct-
ing, adding, and shouting out to me the more ludicrous solecisms he
discovered. When he had finished, it was time to dress, and I was
then taken to one of the bare little slits of bedrooms, the floor damp with
spilth of many tubs, which are the least luxurious of things Academic.

Dinner at High-Table Hall at St. Jude's is never exhilarating.
There were only three Dons in addition to myself and "Wyceham.
One of them was aesthetic and unemployed, the College having no use
for his gifts, which were chiefly devoted to composing sonnets, and
virelais. He seemed clever, depressed, and disagreeable, and said as
many things as he could to annoy the clerical bursar, and the Dean
of the Chapel, who either did not understand or did not answer his
remarks. "Wyceham plunged with them into dissertations on
University Sermons and Oxford Charities, throwing himself into
these topics as if they were the things nearest to his heart.

He sent for two undergraduates to join us in Common Room, young
men so much young men of the world that I own I quailed before
them, and felt it impossible to talk up to their level. But "Wyce-
ham did; he discoursed of hunting, and the county families, and
the noble youths seemed perfectly at home. They provided them-
selves, however, with excuses very cleverly when Wyceham
proposed to take them on with us to an evening entertainment at
Mrs. Nipper's, wife of Nipper of St. Gatien's.

" You remember Nipper ? " he said to me,— the man who kept
the bear in his rooms at St. Gatien's ? "Well, he's married."

" And what is Mrs. Nipper like ? "

"You '11 see," said Wyceham, and led me out to the Parks, where
we arrived at the red-brick house which Mrs. Nipper styled Eleu-
theria Hall. " Liberty Hall" was not sufficiently classical.

The company might have been called mixed without any sense of
social disrespect. Parthians, Medes, and Elamites, Hindus, Parsees,
and Mingrelian Princes, all of them undergraduates, were there, en-
joying the elegant hospitality. I noticed that whoever was introduced
to any of these aliens, at once began to pump him with questions as
to the customs, resources, scenery and religion of his native country.
This greatly embarrassed the foreign undergraduates, who knew but
little, as was natural in men of their years, about their native
institutions. Some of them came from countries which had no
institutions at all. The rest of the company consisted of Scotch
freshmen, middle-aged Dons with puzzled wives, and Psychical
Researchers. Wyceham was soon engaged in thought-reading, or
deciphering the unexpressed ideas of a very pretty young lady. So
successful was he in this branch of research, that I really began to
think there was " something in it." ,

But when we left Eleutheria Hall and its exciting society, Wyce-
ham admitted that his success was the result of collusion with the
young lady. "In fact you may congratulate me, my dear fellow,"
which I did very heartily, and still more, when I heard that he had
accepted a flourishing professorship of Greek in an Australian College.
I think Wyceham may thrive to be President of the Australian Re-
public, which will be even better than being President of St. Jude's.

The Tint oe the Euxine.—It is too evident that the Czar wants
to convert the Black Sea into Russian Lake.

TO COBEESPONDEIfTS.—In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied
by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Sendei-3.