Punch: Punch (91.1886)

12 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 3, 1886.

Warden, the lively scene that had just taken place in the Shel-

donian, that same
<dg*3Sj&&>. morning. _ The

rfg&Pp ^^fe;^ distinguished
^< •'v\ l\ Radical Member

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ '

Mr. Bright, in D.C.L. Robes, Brighter than ever. self, as I recalled

his excitable

conversation at the previous soiree; but I reflected, "perhaps they '11
give him a turn at something better another year."

COMPARING NOTES.

Madame Liebhaet's Matinee Musicale at St. James's Hall was a
typical " benefit" concert. An enormously long programme, upon
which appeared a formidable array of singers and players, was com-
menced at 2'30. But, as usual at these overgrown affairs, many of
the artists who gave their services either did not arrive in time to
come on in their proper turn, or else were dissatisfied with the place
allotted to them on the programme. Anyhow, the latter was so far
" subject to alteration " as to be of little practical utility; and in
certain instances the disagreeable impression was unavoidably con-
veyed that an engagement entered upon to oblige a sister artist was
not considered to be so stringent, or worth keeping so punctually, as
a paid one. Mr. Punch holds the very opposite view. Though the
entertainment consisted of two Parts, it was impossible to say where
Part I. ended, as the " Blue Hungarian Band," which was set down
for its final number, played incontinently about half way through it,
and Mr. Scovel subsequently sang a song out of Part II., while
Mr. Isidore de Lara did not show up at all while I was present.

Such among the audience as had books of the words were largely
occupied in "comparing notes" with each other, to determine, as
they feverishly turned over the leaves, "where they were;" and
when Mr. Ricci, who had only one song to sing, and should have
sung " Israfe/i," in English, by Oliver King, started off in Italian,
many of us felt hurt. The bulk of the programme was, however,
gone through, if somewhat capriciously, and some of the most pitiful
samples of the contemporary ballad were rehearsed with all the
fatuous complacency of the vocalist who does not apparently perceive
that he or she is degrading music and the English language at the
same time. That an artist like Madame Antoinette Sterling
(who, to do her justice, was "up to time") should feel justified in
coming forward with such a thing as " Children Asleep," wherein a
poverty-stricken and slip-shod setting fittingly conveys the rancid
ooze of a crazy sentiment in the words, is only less surprising than
that a man who has taken the degree of Doctor—whether of Medicine
or Music—should be capable of writing " The Love Tryst," ascribed
to Dr. R. "Wogan MacDonnell, and sung by Mr. Scovel. It is
difficult to say whether words or tune are feeblest. " The Little
Hero" too, composed and sung by Mr. Maybrick, is a masterpiece
of pathetic futility. This bright work contains four verses of sixteen
lines each, and necessitates in performance something of the fluency
involved in a successful recital of " Peter Piper picked."

Among the redeeming fentures of a Concert which must have been
sorely harassing to the giver of it—(just fancy standing in the
artists room while the last notes of a piece are being played, and
wondering whether the performer you have been depending on has
forgotten the^ day!)—must be mentioned Madame Likbiiart's own
rendering of 'J Dreamt that I dwelt" and tin; "■Chanson
d'Amour," sung by Mile. Marie de Lido. This number, from the
pen of M. Hollman, who himself played the violoncello obbligato, is
instinct with originality and charm. His rare refinement and cor-
rectness of intonation were also heard with pleasure in two solos for
the instrument of which he is one of the best players in London. Ho
seems to have a peculiar faculty of selecting taking but good and

effective music, and his performance on this occasion—particularly of
a " Valse lente" by Raoul Ptjgno—was characterised by his usual
artistic excellence.

M. Eugene Oudin deserves especial praise for his good delivery of
two songs by Kjerttlf. But the music would not have enhanced the
reputation of a Smith. Miss Fanny Davles played carefully, unos-
tentatiously, and beautifully, on the piano, a prelude in A flat, by
Chopin, and a very difficult gigue. The "Blue Hungarian Band"
are a queer folk. Very "jumpy" was the piece I heard them in.
No name vouchsafed. They got very slow indeed at times, and then
fiddled away for their very lives. This is in the Hungarian " taste."

NlBELTJNGLET.

THE POLITE POLICEMAN.

A Correspondent who signs himself " Vindex," and complains
bitterly of his treatment by the Force, alleging that he has twice
quite lately been knocked down and trampled on at a crossing, told
to get inside his horse, and been several times taken into custody for
threatening to give evidence hostile to a Constable in a street row,
writes to say that, as he hears that Sir Charles Warren is about to
look into the whole question, and deal effectively with the " morals
and manners " of the Police, he has a few preliminary suggestions to
offer as to their proper drill and training to this end. Passing over
the fact that he would have their " domestic antecedents " in-
quired into before allowing them to enlist in the Force, so that none
but men of "genial, equable, amiable, and philanthropic tempera-
ment " should be admitted, he begins by insisting, to insure a proper
polish being given to this rough material, that it should be in-
cumbent on all fresh recruits to go through a course of deportment
and dancing, and pass an examination in the smaller amenities of
social etiquette. For the latter he supplies a brief specimen paper,
which is as follows:—■

1. When a crowd is creating a block on the pavement, and you are
anxious to make it circulate, what polite phrase would you use
instead of the customary and brutal, "Now then, move on " ?

2. If jeered at for your efforts, which prove ineffective, and your
helmet is knocked off your head from behind, with what gbod-
humoured banter would you naturally reply ?

3. On meeting with a drunk and incapable case, it is your duty to
endeavour not to lock it up, but to see it safely home. Calling a
four-wheeled cab for this purpose, are you justified, if you have to
pay it, in endeavouring to recover the fare, or should you willingly
defray the expense from your own pocket ?

4. Coming up with a burglar, you explain to him gently, that per-
haps, having regard to all the circumstances of the case, you ought to
take him into custody, when he seizes your truncheon, and suddenly
knocks you down. Ought you to get up and endeavour to pursue
him, or generously give him the chance of a fresh start ?

5. An omnibus runs into a private carriage, and all three horses
are down with the proprietors sitting on their respective heads. If,
when you intervene, you are told, "just to mind your own business,"
ought you, bowing politely to the crowd, to say, "Well, Gentlemen,
—as you will," and quietly resume your beat ?

A good deal more follows, and the directions for drill, include, "the
elegant handing of ladies over crowded crossings," the "escorting
and holding open umbrellas over them in the rain," the "pleasant
way of dealing with unmuzzled dogs," and "the singing of sweet
ditties after dark in suburban neighbourhoods," all of which accom-
plishments, are to he left in the hands of thoroughly instructed, and
well qualified Inspectors. Indeed the scheme is very complete, and
could scarcely fail if carried out, not only to relieve the Force of the
charge of churlishness that has lately attached to it, but to invest it
at the same time with a thorough bonhomie and good breeding that
would soon grow proverbial and render the words " Police" and
" Politeness," nothing more or less than convertible terms.

Linton v. Robinson.

If one fact is worth a thousand arguments, one hundred and
sixty-eight facts must be worth so many arguments that we have
not time to work it out. All these facts are assembled at the Royal
Institute of Painters in Water-Colours by Sir James Linton, and
they—we forgot to say the facts are water-colour drawings of the
highest class, and most of them of venerable age—effectually and
finally prove that water-colours are permanent. Anyone can see at
a glance—before you can say J. C. Robinson—that water-colours do
not fade. So

J. C. Eohinson, he
Must acknowledge his notions are fiddlededeo!

Let it be clearly understood there are to be no further arguments
on the matter. Sir James Linton has proved his ease." Judge
Punch has given a verdict in his favour, and so every one else may
shut up, and take a back seat. Hooray !

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