DOI issue:
July 24, 1886
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17656#0047
July 24, 1886.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVARI. 41
WHIFFS OF THE BRINY.
(By D. Crambo Junior.)
Toed out of Harbour.
Bait for Fishing.
A Choppy Sea. Steamer going over the Bar, followed
____ by a Yawl.
COOKERY AT THE COLINDERIES.
To the Editor of " The Gormandiser.
See,—I am a Colonial with, a large appetite, and am disgusted to
and there are no " Free Lunches " at the Colinderies. "What is Sir
ra™ Cunliffe Owen about, to let the rapacious Contractors
charge us for our food ? I have come all this way to exhibit and sell
my goods, and the least thing this blessed Mother Country can do is
to feed me "free gratis and for nothing."
Yours, hungrily, South African.
Sir,—I am a poor family man, and accustomed, when at work, to
have a bit of alamode beef in the middle of the day, and a few
winkles or creases for a relish with my tea when I get home. But
when I'm out, I've a mind to have the best like the nobs, and I
think it's very hard I can't have soup, a bit of salmon, whitebait,
lamb and peas and new potatoes, a spring chicken, a little sparrow-
grass, goosebery-tart, cheese and salad, for eighteenpence, and I
wouldn't mind a penny to the waiter. My wife says Messrs. Spiers
and Pond could throw in ices for that money, but they disagree
with me.
I do not belong, Sir, to the " Classes," but am one of the
Masses.
See,—The Refreshment Contractors at the Exhibition subject
some of their victims to great hardships. My son and daughter took
tickets for the " Shilling Tea," and, would you believe it, there were
no plovers' eggs. They were "out of season," we were told, as if
eggs were ever out of season ! The plovers, of course, lay all the
year round. What I want to know is, who eats the eggs ?
Your obedient servant,
A commercial clerk.
See,—I dined at the Colinderies, and, not feeling inclined to go to
the expense of the Quadrant Dinner, which everyone says is very
good, we went in for the Exhibition Dinner at three and ninepence a
head'. I affirm sincerely, Sir, though you will scarcely credit it,
that the soup was not real turtle, that our demand for a modest dish
of truffles stewed in a really sound Burgundy was not complied with,
that we had no peaches for dessert, and champagne was positively an
extra! Yours obediently, A Victorian.
Sir,—The Jewish public will be indebted to you for inserting
letters about the catering at the Exhibition.
I have had to dine_there several^times, and there was no smoked
salmon, no matsaz, no hola, no " stuffed monkey," while horrible to
relate, the meat was not cosher.
It is simply a case of exploiting my long-suffering Hebrew friends.
Yours truly, Ikey Jacob.
Sir,—As a Correspondent of one of the Australian Journals, I
dined, in one day mind you, to be perfectly impartial, at the Duval
Dinner, the Exhibition Dinner, the Grill Room, in the d la carte
Saloon, and the Canteen, and wound up with the Quadrant Dinner,
which struck me as a little heavy.
I also sampled most of the French, German, and Spanish wines, I
experimented on the Champagne, I even had a modest tankard or so
of bitter, and while trying, several different sorts of spirits and
liqueurs, I did not forget patriotically to quaff a few bottles of
Australian wine, as well as some Cyprus of the Commandery [Oh!
Mr. Gordon Hake, how could you!], which is not perhaps a reliable
drink after so arduous a day's work. Messrs. Spiers and Pond are
world-famous caterers, so that I was surprised and annoyed, that I
did not feel_ at all well after these refections, and indeed got into a
difficulty with the police, concerning which it is needless to go into
detail. Yours biliously, A Victim.
Sir,—If you have waitresses, surely they should not be above
making some return for any little gratuity you give them. The fee
is not compulsory, but dining at the Duval Room with a friend, we
gave two girls a penny each, and asked them to meet us in the
evening after the close of the Exhibition. "Would you believe it,
they haughtily declined, and seemed much offended at the suggestion.
Moreover, as we are both a little unconventional in our language
and manners, we saw a stalwart Manager approaching, evidently
intending to put us out. This settled the pair of us. "We left sad
and dissatisfied. Yours obediently, Tantalus.
Sir,—Messrs. Spiers and Pond say that they have a staff of
seven hundred persons at the Exhibition, and serve thousands of
dinners a week, while the same people come and dine again and
again. _ "What is that to me. If I am not waited upon and catered
for as if I were the only man in the place, and unless they make no
profit out of me, (the deficit should be made up by Sir Philip
Cunliite Owen, out of his own pocket) in short unless I am treated
like H.R.H. the Prince of "Wales, and also waited upon by the firm
in person, all I can say is, as a freeborn Briton, that I have a right
to consider myself, Your obedient servant,
a Sufferer.
DOCTORS AND DOG-DAYS.
Hydrophobia isn't a specific disease. The mere rjrick of a needle
sometimes produces the same symptoms as those resulting, if they
do result, from the bite of a mad dog. True, Dr. Moket. A simple
puncture may sometimes produces tetanus. Hydrophobia and tetanus
very like one another, 'specially tetanus. However, don't many
people die of hydrophobia, after a mad dog's bite, whereas only a
few die of tetanus after a simple puncture ? And then, you know,
Doctor, that a needle-prick met with in sewing is now and then fol-
lowed by the same symptoms as those which follow a scratch received
in dissection. But comparatively how often ? People die after both
bite and puncture sooner or later; but after clean or unclean punc-
ture or bite, how much sooner or how much later in one case than in
the other P Isn't Dr. Drysdale right in stating that very few of
Dr. Pasteur's patients have come for treatment from Germany, and
in attributing that fact " to the admirable way in which the German
sanitary authorities have kept up the muzzling of all dogs in Northern
Germany, and of large dogs in Southern Germany " ?
Doctors may differ about.causation, but if, dear Dr. Moket, and sweet
Ouida, the restraint of dogs from biting is found practically tc
prevent hydrophobia, whether hydrophobia theoretically results from
the bite of mad dogs or not, why. in the name of common sense, try
to argue the muzzles off the dogs' noses ?
"Composition of the New Parliament."—A Field with a
Flower, a Peacock and a Gardiner, a Heath with a Mound, a Hunt
and a Fox, a Fisher with some "Worms, and several Reeds, and a
Chaplain with a Sexton, two Clarkes, and a Beadel.
An Isolated Being.—(Old Mr. Singleton, loq.) No, Sir. I
never read the " Births "and " Marriages." I know nobody lively
to be married, and don't care who may be born. .Only read i
deaths. Only read them to see what becomes of my friends .
"The Waters of Hercules." (New Edition).-Strong waters.
Intoxicating liquors ? ____
WHIFFS OF THE BRINY.
(By D. Crambo Junior.)
Toed out of Harbour.
Bait for Fishing.
A Choppy Sea. Steamer going over the Bar, followed
____ by a Yawl.
COOKERY AT THE COLINDERIES.
To the Editor of " The Gormandiser.
See,—I am a Colonial with, a large appetite, and am disgusted to
and there are no " Free Lunches " at the Colinderies. "What is Sir
ra™ Cunliffe Owen about, to let the rapacious Contractors
charge us for our food ? I have come all this way to exhibit and sell
my goods, and the least thing this blessed Mother Country can do is
to feed me "free gratis and for nothing."
Yours, hungrily, South African.
Sir,—I am a poor family man, and accustomed, when at work, to
have a bit of alamode beef in the middle of the day, and a few
winkles or creases for a relish with my tea when I get home. But
when I'm out, I've a mind to have the best like the nobs, and I
think it's very hard I can't have soup, a bit of salmon, whitebait,
lamb and peas and new potatoes, a spring chicken, a little sparrow-
grass, goosebery-tart, cheese and salad, for eighteenpence, and I
wouldn't mind a penny to the waiter. My wife says Messrs. Spiers
and Pond could throw in ices for that money, but they disagree
with me.
I do not belong, Sir, to the " Classes," but am one of the
Masses.
See,—The Refreshment Contractors at the Exhibition subject
some of their victims to great hardships. My son and daughter took
tickets for the " Shilling Tea," and, would you believe it, there were
no plovers' eggs. They were "out of season," we were told, as if
eggs were ever out of season ! The plovers, of course, lay all the
year round. What I want to know is, who eats the eggs ?
Your obedient servant,
A commercial clerk.
See,—I dined at the Colinderies, and, not feeling inclined to go to
the expense of the Quadrant Dinner, which everyone says is very
good, we went in for the Exhibition Dinner at three and ninepence a
head'. I affirm sincerely, Sir, though you will scarcely credit it,
that the soup was not real turtle, that our demand for a modest dish
of truffles stewed in a really sound Burgundy was not complied with,
that we had no peaches for dessert, and champagne was positively an
extra! Yours obediently, A Victorian.
Sir,—The Jewish public will be indebted to you for inserting
letters about the catering at the Exhibition.
I have had to dine_there several^times, and there was no smoked
salmon, no matsaz, no hola, no " stuffed monkey," while horrible to
relate, the meat was not cosher.
It is simply a case of exploiting my long-suffering Hebrew friends.
Yours truly, Ikey Jacob.
Sir,—As a Correspondent of one of the Australian Journals, I
dined, in one day mind you, to be perfectly impartial, at the Duval
Dinner, the Exhibition Dinner, the Grill Room, in the d la carte
Saloon, and the Canteen, and wound up with the Quadrant Dinner,
which struck me as a little heavy.
I also sampled most of the French, German, and Spanish wines, I
experimented on the Champagne, I even had a modest tankard or so
of bitter, and while trying, several different sorts of spirits and
liqueurs, I did not forget patriotically to quaff a few bottles of
Australian wine, as well as some Cyprus of the Commandery [Oh!
Mr. Gordon Hake, how could you!], which is not perhaps a reliable
drink after so arduous a day's work. Messrs. Spiers and Pond are
world-famous caterers, so that I was surprised and annoyed, that I
did not feel_ at all well after these refections, and indeed got into a
difficulty with the police, concerning which it is needless to go into
detail. Yours biliously, A Victim.
Sir,—If you have waitresses, surely they should not be above
making some return for any little gratuity you give them. The fee
is not compulsory, but dining at the Duval Room with a friend, we
gave two girls a penny each, and asked them to meet us in the
evening after the close of the Exhibition. "Would you believe it,
they haughtily declined, and seemed much offended at the suggestion.
Moreover, as we are both a little unconventional in our language
and manners, we saw a stalwart Manager approaching, evidently
intending to put us out. This settled the pair of us. "We left sad
and dissatisfied. Yours obediently, Tantalus.
Sir,—Messrs. Spiers and Pond say that they have a staff of
seven hundred persons at the Exhibition, and serve thousands of
dinners a week, while the same people come and dine again and
again. _ "What is that to me. If I am not waited upon and catered
for as if I were the only man in the place, and unless they make no
profit out of me, (the deficit should be made up by Sir Philip
Cunliite Owen, out of his own pocket) in short unless I am treated
like H.R.H. the Prince of "Wales, and also waited upon by the firm
in person, all I can say is, as a freeborn Briton, that I have a right
to consider myself, Your obedient servant,
a Sufferer.
DOCTORS AND DOG-DAYS.
Hydrophobia isn't a specific disease. The mere rjrick of a needle
sometimes produces the same symptoms as those resulting, if they
do result, from the bite of a mad dog. True, Dr. Moket. A simple
puncture may sometimes produces tetanus. Hydrophobia and tetanus
very like one another, 'specially tetanus. However, don't many
people die of hydrophobia, after a mad dog's bite, whereas only a
few die of tetanus after a simple puncture ? And then, you know,
Doctor, that a needle-prick met with in sewing is now and then fol-
lowed by the same symptoms as those which follow a scratch received
in dissection. But comparatively how often ? People die after both
bite and puncture sooner or later; but after clean or unclean punc-
ture or bite, how much sooner or how much later in one case than in
the other P Isn't Dr. Drysdale right in stating that very few of
Dr. Pasteur's patients have come for treatment from Germany, and
in attributing that fact " to the admirable way in which the German
sanitary authorities have kept up the muzzling of all dogs in Northern
Germany, and of large dogs in Southern Germany " ?
Doctors may differ about.causation, but if, dear Dr. Moket, and sweet
Ouida, the restraint of dogs from biting is found practically tc
prevent hydrophobia, whether hydrophobia theoretically results from
the bite of mad dogs or not, why. in the name of common sense, try
to argue the muzzles off the dogs' noses ?
"Composition of the New Parliament."—A Field with a
Flower, a Peacock and a Gardiner, a Heath with a Mound, a Hunt
and a Fox, a Fisher with some "Worms, and several Reeds, and a
Chaplain with a Sexton, two Clarkes, and a Beadel.
An Isolated Being.—(Old Mr. Singleton, loq.) No, Sir. I
never read the " Births "and " Marriages." I know nobody lively
to be married, and don't care who may be born. .Only read i
deaths. Only read them to see what becomes of my friends .
"The Waters of Hercules." (New Edition).-Strong waters.
Intoxicating liquors ? ____