Punch (91.1886)

50

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI.

[July 31, 1886.

"lucus a non lucendo"

(MBS. GATHEREMALL AT HOME. SMALL AND EARLY.)
He. " Small and Early, indeed ! "Why, I'm told there isn't standing-

koom upstairs, and the people are still pouring in at half-past One !"

She. "Yes,—it's getting Smallandearlier every Minute!"

THE STOEY OP THE GUNS.

{Sequel to a Marine Romance.)

" England has at this moment no artillery armament wherewith to defend her interests
and her honour, either at home or abroad."—Letter of Mr. Armit to the " Times."

Her Majesty's good ship Tornado had done her thousand miles gallantly, and
was just nearing the appointed spot on the enemy's coast, on reaching which
the Admiral in command was authorised to open the sealed orders under which
he had sailed. He felt the moment to be critical, and came up on deck to have
a look round, and as he swept the horizon with his glass, he unconsciously
crumpled up the large official envelope he carried under his arm with the
nervous twitching he could neither control nor conceal. But the Jack Tars aboard
were in high spirits, and eager for the long promised brush with the foe, as
soon as he should be found. And as the Admiral came aft accompanied by
his Post-captain and a couple of Flag-lieutenants, they manned the yards and
gave him three lusty British cheers, which brought a passing flush to his pale
cheek, as for the moment, acknowledging the compliment, he gave vent to his
feelings and indulged in a step or two of the hornpipe in response. Then he
paused suddenly. His eye had taken in the form of the hull of an advancing
vessel blocking the entry to the bay they were rapidly approaching.

" That must be the enemy, I fancy ? " he asked inquiringly, addressing those
about him. There was a bluff reply of, "Ay ! ay! Sir! " and, nodding his head,
he instinctively turned to the envelope he carried, and regarded its superscription,
"To be opened only when action is unavoidable," he read, repeating the words
thoughtfully to himself, as he neared the hatchway. " Well, as that craft seems
to be bearing down upon us, I suppose it is time to look at this ? " He put the
matter tentatively in the form of a question to his immediate companions, and it
received a ready answer.

"Belay there! Your honour! " they replied, "but any land squab can see

that at this very moment she's casting loose her guns to
let fly at us. We haven't a moment to spare."

"Very well, then," rejoined the Admiral, elated
with a flash of momentary excitement, " clear the deck,
and pipe all hands to open the powder-magazine. And,
while everything- is being got ready, we will just step
down to my cabin, and look at this." He pointed to
the official envelope as he spoke and the four passed
the hatchway and descended the narrow little stairs.
As they seated themselves, expectantly, at the cuddy-
table beneath, they caught the strains of "Mule,
Britannia."I "Tom Bowling" and the " Bay of
Biscay," mingled with repeated bursts of cheering, that
told of the activity going on above. " Poor fellows ! "
said the Admiral, listening to the mingled uproar with
a kindly smile, "they seem as pleased to get at the
foe as schoolboys to enjoy a holiday. Well, we will
see what sort of a holiday ' My Lords' at home have
prepared lor them." And as he spoke he carefully un-
fastened the side of the envelope with a penknife, and
took out the precious document it contained.

"And now," he continued, opening out the large
sheet of official paper on the table before him, "we
shall see—what we shall see."

He was still smiling pleasantly as he fixed on his eye-
glasses, and glanced at the first lines, when a sudden
pallor overspread his countenance. He rose to his feet,
and staggered towards a porthole. The Post-captain and
the two Flag-lieutenants had been watching him nar-
rowly. They noticed his faintness, and flew to his assist-
ance. To pour out a tumbler of brandy, force it down
his throat, undo his official stock, drench him with Eau
de Cologne, open all the doors, and remove the skylights
bodily, was but the work of half a minute. He rallied a
little, but he could not address them. He could only
point with his finger to the unsealed orders on the
table. They hurriedly dropped him in a soda-water
bottle bunk, and eagerly peered over its contents. They
were brief, and to the purpose, and were as follows :—
" The Board of Admiralty, Whitehall, to the Admiral in

Command on board H.M. Flagship, ' 2'ornado.'
"It is to be presumed that having opened these orders,
you are within sight of the enemy. This therefore is
to inform you, that as each of the six eight-and-
thirty-ton guns with which you are armed has been
supplied by the Ordnance Department, you must
expect it to blow up if any attempt is made to fire
it. Your wisest course will be to avoid being hit,
and the Board strongly counsel you in any emer-
gency involving the honour of your flag, to rely on
cutlass-drill."
The Post-captain and the two Flag-lieutenants read
the document in silence. Then they all three gave a pro-
longed whistle, and were about to address the Admiral,
who was now somewhat restored, and was gazing at his
sextant with a puzzled expression, when a live shell
tearing through the side of the vessel, and carrying away
the Captain's sleeping-berth, bookcase, and breakfast-
table, reminded them that the enemy meant business,
and had already got his range.

"Well, Admiral, what orders ? asked the three sub-
ordinates in a breath, with grrm irony, picking their way
out of the surrounding debris, and gazing through the
hole, seven feet by nine, torn m the ship's side, at the
advancing hull of the enemy, that was now rapidly
approaching them, stem on.

"What orders?" responded the Admiral, hysteri-
cally, " what but those that are given me there! " He
pointed to the official paper with a fine smile ashe spoke.
But at that moment another well-directed shell tore
away three sides of the cabin, the companion-ladder, and
the whole of the deck above their heads.

" ' Cutlass-drill' won't be equal to this!" shouted the
Post-captain; and the two Flag-lieutenants, leaping over
the wreckage, and rapidly climbing onto the upper deck,
cried, " Call it mutiny if you like, but fire the guns we
will!" And, so saying, they bounded out of sight, and the
hoarse cheers of the crew that greeted them told him that
the Jack Tars above had been eagerly watching for
their appearance.

"Well," said the Admiral, despondently folding up
the sealed orders, and putting them up in his coat-tail
pocket, " I have done my duty, at all events, and I see
nothing for the situation but this."
He crept towards the stern as he spoke, and, cau-