DOI Heft:
August 7, 1886
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17656#0078
72 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Again the Procession marched on.
" What! " exclaimed the Sage, " Whistlee ! "
"Yes," returned that eminent Artist, with a particularly musical
laugh, "I am actually President of the Society of British Artists!
Do you hear,—British! Isn't it a joke?" and the"particularly
musical laugh was repeated.
Then came Sir John Eveeett Mixlais, smoking.
"You look to greater advantage than your pictures at the Hollo-
way Pillories," said Mr. Punch.
" Why, I thought they were capitally hung," replied the matured
pre-Raphaelite. "They tell me that the 'Princes in the Tower'
the 'Princess Elizabeth,' and the rest, are placed on a wall facing
the 'Railway Station' of Feith."
" Facing Farm! Then you would suggest that they considered
you his opposite ? "
" I never said a disagreeable thing of a man in my life," puffed
out Sir John, as with a smile he marched on.
Then there was a perfect crowd—Heekomee, and Tissot, and
a female lmd in tone hiding behind a picture by Jan Van Beees.
When Mr. Punch saw the last, who was staggering about like the
galvanised corpse of a Parisienne, he shuddered.
"A ghastly sight! Were all like yonder phantom I should call
this Procession-- And then Mr. Punch paused.
" A classical triumph!" suggested the P.P. A.
"An arrangement in coats and trousers," put in J. McN.
Whistlee.
"No," returned Mr. Punch—"I should call it the Funeral of
Art."
The New Ra(i)kes Peogeess.—To the office of Postmaster-General.
[August 7, 1886.
A BOARD-SCHOOL JOURNAL.
" Compulsory Calisthenics may, sooner or later, become part of the in-
struction which the State will impart to every citizen at the expense of the
community."—Daily Taper.
Morning.—Up at six, studying that difficult problem in Trigo-
nometry which floored me yesterday, and which the Head Teacher
said would have to be mastered before I could even hope to get that
Entrance Scholarship at Trinity College, Cambridge. Rather inter-
rupted by father (who is a bricklayer) calling me down-stairs to
help mother light kitchen-fire and get his breakfast—also in efforts
to prevent father trampling on mother with his hobnails because the
fire would not light fast enough. Yesterday's Calisthenic practice
came in useful. Enabled me to vault sldlfully out of the way when
father (in a moment of irritation) tried to smash me with the kitchen-
fender. Father, I am sorry to say, is not a friend to education, and
sees no good in Trigonometry.
At School.—First hour taken up with violent trapeze exercise.
Feel rather empty and tired after it, having had no breakfast to
speak of. Next hour devoted to viva voce work with the Italian Pro-
fessor. Then another hour in the yard with the dumb-bells. Teacher
surprised to see me nearly faint in the middle. Says nobody could
possibly get an Entrance Scholarship at Cambridge from a Board
School unless he was a perfect master of the dumb-bells. Believe I
should master them better if I had some food. Fear I've no chance
of Cambridge, after all.
Dinner.—Thank heaven! Curious how much I look forward to
this meal. Must try to remember that I am fourteen years old now,
and that I must only care for intellectual pleasures. Feel more
cheerful, and really think I may get that Scholarship some day.
Afternoon.—A dreadful hour with the Trigonometry Professor.
Wonder why I've that singing in my head ! Teacher begs me, with
tears in his eyes, to try and master what he calls " this elementary
problem." Says the School will lose the Government Grant if I
don't. Very sorry, but really don't see how I can pjrevent it.
Go out into yard in state of despair. Cambridge seems farther off
than ever. Find Teacher of Calisthenics waiting for me round a
corner. Says he will lose Ms Government Grant if I can't do my
Parallel Bar Exercise quicker. Begs me, for sake of his wife and
family, to try and exert myself. Do so, violently. At end of hour
feel pains all over me. Fear I've over-exerted myself. But Calis-
thenic Professor very pleased with me—that's one comfort. Asks
me, "just to oblige him," to have a round with the gloves before
going in to the class on Hydrostatical Dynamics. Make excuse, and
get out of it.
Evening.—At home. So's father, I 'm sorry to say. Tell him
I've been doing Hydrostatical Dynamics, and he threatens to
" Dynamic me " with the kitchen poker. Hurry upstairs. Singing
in head worse. Violent pains continue. Get out my Trigonometry
books, and must really try to master that problem, or I shall never
get an Entrance Scholarship at Cambridge. Feel so dizzy J
Afterwards.—They took me off to the Hospital, it seems, where I
had brain-fever, complicated with rupture of the right cardiac ven-
tricle. The Trigonometry produced the brain-fever, and the Calis-
thenics the other disease. Now, five weeks after, am still painfully
weak. Doctor says I stall never be fit for any mental or physical
exertion to speak of. Father (I regret to say) swears at Doctor, and
says I must stop "all that dratted book-larnin," and carry up his
bricks "on a hod." And so ends my dream of Trinity College,
Cambridge !
The Alphabet of Chess.
Guabd well the K. with the Kts,
And still be busy with your B's.
The "three B's " rule the world, but Chess
Must fight its battles with one less.
Finally, if you would not lose,
Be sure you mind your P's and Q.'s!
The Khan-khan.—'Aeet hears that Russia desires to add the
Khanate of Khiva to the possessions of the Khan of Bokhara.
'Aeet opines that, if he puts up with it, "the Khiva cove must be
more of a ' Mug' than a Khan."
couplet by a cynic.
Statues for Blackfriars Bridge ? Ho! ho!
How long 'twill be in statu quo !
Latest fbcdi Paeis.—It is said the French have adopted the verb
" Colinder" in reference to our latest Exhibition in South Kensing-
ton. " Quand firai d Londres,jc colinderai tous les jours," will
doubtless save a great deal of time and explanation.
(g§T TO COBEESPONDENTS.~-In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied
by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Senders.
Again the Procession marched on.
" What! " exclaimed the Sage, " Whistlee ! "
"Yes," returned that eminent Artist, with a particularly musical
laugh, "I am actually President of the Society of British Artists!
Do you hear,—British! Isn't it a joke?" and the"particularly
musical laugh was repeated.
Then came Sir John Eveeett Mixlais, smoking.
"You look to greater advantage than your pictures at the Hollo-
way Pillories," said Mr. Punch.
" Why, I thought they were capitally hung," replied the matured
pre-Raphaelite. "They tell me that the 'Princes in the Tower'
the 'Princess Elizabeth,' and the rest, are placed on a wall facing
the 'Railway Station' of Feith."
" Facing Farm! Then you would suggest that they considered
you his opposite ? "
" I never said a disagreeable thing of a man in my life," puffed
out Sir John, as with a smile he marched on.
Then there was a perfect crowd—Heekomee, and Tissot, and
a female lmd in tone hiding behind a picture by Jan Van Beees.
When Mr. Punch saw the last, who was staggering about like the
galvanised corpse of a Parisienne, he shuddered.
"A ghastly sight! Were all like yonder phantom I should call
this Procession-- And then Mr. Punch paused.
" A classical triumph!" suggested the P.P. A.
"An arrangement in coats and trousers," put in J. McN.
Whistlee.
"No," returned Mr. Punch—"I should call it the Funeral of
Art."
The New Ra(i)kes Peogeess.—To the office of Postmaster-General.
[August 7, 1886.
A BOARD-SCHOOL JOURNAL.
" Compulsory Calisthenics may, sooner or later, become part of the in-
struction which the State will impart to every citizen at the expense of the
community."—Daily Taper.
Morning.—Up at six, studying that difficult problem in Trigo-
nometry which floored me yesterday, and which the Head Teacher
said would have to be mastered before I could even hope to get that
Entrance Scholarship at Trinity College, Cambridge. Rather inter-
rupted by father (who is a bricklayer) calling me down-stairs to
help mother light kitchen-fire and get his breakfast—also in efforts
to prevent father trampling on mother with his hobnails because the
fire would not light fast enough. Yesterday's Calisthenic practice
came in useful. Enabled me to vault sldlfully out of the way when
father (in a moment of irritation) tried to smash me with the kitchen-
fender. Father, I am sorry to say, is not a friend to education, and
sees no good in Trigonometry.
At School.—First hour taken up with violent trapeze exercise.
Feel rather empty and tired after it, having had no breakfast to
speak of. Next hour devoted to viva voce work with the Italian Pro-
fessor. Then another hour in the yard with the dumb-bells. Teacher
surprised to see me nearly faint in the middle. Says nobody could
possibly get an Entrance Scholarship at Cambridge from a Board
School unless he was a perfect master of the dumb-bells. Believe I
should master them better if I had some food. Fear I've no chance
of Cambridge, after all.
Dinner.—Thank heaven! Curious how much I look forward to
this meal. Must try to remember that I am fourteen years old now,
and that I must only care for intellectual pleasures. Feel more
cheerful, and really think I may get that Scholarship some day.
Afternoon.—A dreadful hour with the Trigonometry Professor.
Wonder why I've that singing in my head ! Teacher begs me, with
tears in his eyes, to try and master what he calls " this elementary
problem." Says the School will lose the Government Grant if I
don't. Very sorry, but really don't see how I can pjrevent it.
Go out into yard in state of despair. Cambridge seems farther off
than ever. Find Teacher of Calisthenics waiting for me round a
corner. Says he will lose Ms Government Grant if I can't do my
Parallel Bar Exercise quicker. Begs me, for sake of his wife and
family, to try and exert myself. Do so, violently. At end of hour
feel pains all over me. Fear I've over-exerted myself. But Calis-
thenic Professor very pleased with me—that's one comfort. Asks
me, "just to oblige him," to have a round with the gloves before
going in to the class on Hydrostatical Dynamics. Make excuse, and
get out of it.
Evening.—At home. So's father, I 'm sorry to say. Tell him
I've been doing Hydrostatical Dynamics, and he threatens to
" Dynamic me " with the kitchen poker. Hurry upstairs. Singing
in head worse. Violent pains continue. Get out my Trigonometry
books, and must really try to master that problem, or I shall never
get an Entrance Scholarship at Cambridge. Feel so dizzy J
Afterwards.—They took me off to the Hospital, it seems, where I
had brain-fever, complicated with rupture of the right cardiac ven-
tricle. The Trigonometry produced the brain-fever, and the Calis-
thenics the other disease. Now, five weeks after, am still painfully
weak. Doctor says I stall never be fit for any mental or physical
exertion to speak of. Father (I regret to say) swears at Doctor, and
says I must stop "all that dratted book-larnin," and carry up his
bricks "on a hod." And so ends my dream of Trinity College,
Cambridge !
The Alphabet of Chess.
Guabd well the K. with the Kts,
And still be busy with your B's.
The "three B's " rule the world, but Chess
Must fight its battles with one less.
Finally, if you would not lose,
Be sure you mind your P's and Q.'s!
The Khan-khan.—'Aeet hears that Russia desires to add the
Khanate of Khiva to the possessions of the Khan of Bokhara.
'Aeet opines that, if he puts up with it, "the Khiva cove must be
more of a ' Mug' than a Khan."
couplet by a cynic.
Statues for Blackfriars Bridge ? Ho! ho!
How long 'twill be in statu quo !
Latest fbcdi Paeis.—It is said the French have adopted the verb
" Colinder" in reference to our latest Exhibition in South Kensing-
ton. " Quand firai d Londres,jc colinderai tous les jours," will
doubtless save a great deal of time and explanation.
(g§T TO COBEESPONDENTS.~-In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied
by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Senders.