Punch: Punch (91.1886)

120 PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAKIVAPJ. [September 4, 1886.

After this House emptied, ami Mat Harris of Galway took the
floor. Haebis in highly discursive mood began by commenting on
what he called the " parrylettic " state of House. But House not so
helpless as he thought. Embarking upon a homily on religious
differences in Ireland, was called to order. Then he entered the
butter-market, and chatted for some ten minutes on prices current.
Thence he slid into the whiskey store, out of which he was peremp-
torily dragged by the Speaker. Coming next to the question of
peasant proprietors, someone moved to have the House counted, after
which Harris sat down and Gent-Davis got up. Got up indeed,
several times, insisting upon orderly procedure.

"The House of Commons," said Randolph, sotto voce, "consists
of 669 Gentlemen and one Gent-Davts."

A little later W. Russell having made a pointed reference to his
conscience, Dr. Tanner observed quietly, with air of conviction,
" You never had one." Debate was then adjourned.

Business done.—More Debate on Address.

Thursday.—Something like old times to-night. Fifty-five ques-
tions on the paper, with more to follow. Dr. Tanner had five
in succession. "Thought he'd died of fasting," Randolph
growls. Evidently hadn't, and appetite for information cruelly
unimpaired.

House crowded in all parts. Chamberlain expected to renew
Debate on Address. In his place, and evidently ready. But Irish
Members determined to have a little fun. If they could run him
into dinner-hour, how mad he would be ! So kept up conversation
on appointment of Redvees Buller, talking till Eight o'clock.
" Now, Mr. Chambeeling," said Joseph Gillis, gleefully rubbing
his hands together, " now, you shall make your speech while
everybody but me goes to dinner." Counted without the guest.
Joseph of Birmingham equal, after all, to Joseph Gillis. When
the time came, he quietly went off to dinner himself! Came back at
Ten o' Clock in comfortable mood, and fired off his broadside before
crowded House. Funny to see Dillwyn rubbing his eyes, and fur-
tively pinching himself. " Thought I was asleep, and dreaming,
Toby, he said. "But, since I'm awake, we must be in Topsy-
turvy land. Here's the Tories cheering Chamberlain like mad,
whilst the Irish Members howl at him, and the Liberals shake their
heads."

Chamberlain spoke amid constant interruptions. Effect upon
Yeo most extraordinary. Hitherto known as quiet, retiring Member;
not yet dared his maiden speech. To-night constantly on feet,
wildly signalling to Speaker, and shouting out, " I.rise to order ! "
It seemed an automatic process. Some one said Heave ! " and there
was Yeo. ""What do you think of Chamberlain's speech?" I
asked the Sage of Queen Anne's Gate. "It completes his ruin,
Tobt. He's burned his boats, and will never get back to the
Liberal Party." But then Chambeelaln had been saying something
nasty about Elijah's mantle and the Sage.

Business done.—More Debate on Address.

Friday.—A long list of set speeches to-night. But principal busi-
ness been carried on by interjections. Sexton resumed debate in
speech, spoiled, as usual, by its verbosity. A desert of words, with
here and there a green oasis of bright thought, and felicitous expres-
sion. Baettelot, who followed, thrice called to order by the
Speakee, and once interrupted by Joseph Gillis. Joseph's hawk
eye, flashing round, fell upon front Opposition Bench, where Caine
was chatting with Chambeelain. This hurt Joseph Gillts, who
is nothing if not orderly. Caine, not being Privy Councillor, or
Member of the late Government, no business on Front Bench.
Joseph solemnly called Speakee's attention to incident. Next
interruption came from Gent-Davis. "Wilfrid Lawson on legs,
telling interesting story about farm-servant, who was always taking
extraordinary courses. One day he hung himself, and farmer said,
'■ I wonder what the man will do next." Gent-Davis couldn't see
point of this, so rose to order, and "Wilfrid Lawson courteously
explained—the story applied to Chamberlain. Habcotjbt's speech
brought half-a-dozen Members up on points of order, including
Randolph. Immense uproar, and Randolph finally sat down,
without having point of order settled. All the while Cbambeblain
sat smiling on Front Opposition Bench, whilst Habcotjet thundered
around him, and Tories, Radicals, and Parnellites fought for his
body. If this is a sample of the life we're to lead under new
conditions of Party," said the Speaker, as he ate his modest chop,
" I '11—I'll—take another cup of tea."

Business done.—Parnell's Amendment to the Address rejected by
304 votes against 181.

Is he also among the Spiritdaxists ? Sir Feedeeick Leigh-
ton, P.R.A., has painted his l> Arts of Peace," for the South
Kensington Museum, m Spirit Fresco." At any future seance,
Sir Frederick ■will be nappy to give all information respecting the
medium employed.

ROBERT'S LITTLE ADWENTUR.

I've had a
strange adwen-
tur here. Great
Marlow seems a
reglar Fairyland
for adwenturs,
and there's allers
a fairy or two
connected with
it, as in my case.

Well, I wor a
warking last

g__. Munday mornin,

not by the sad
sea wave, sut-
tenly not, but by
our brite spark-
lin ripplin river,
injoying the
warm sunshine
and the bootif'ul
breeze, and the
lovely eeenery
all round, wen
suddenly, with-
out the least bit
of warning, off
flew my wener-
able hat, right
into the foaming
billows. I niver
was so eston-
ished in all my
life, and niver
felt so hutterly
elpless. Con-
sidder my sitiwa-

shun. I speaks of my hat as a wenerable hat, but not from its age,
but its karaeter. It was called by the respecterbel Atter from whom
I purchest it, the Harchdeecon, and he told me that all Harchdeecons
was nommenally Wenerable from the werry fust, weather they bede
wenerable or not by hage, hence my hat's name, and as it procured
me the nodding and bobbing respec of the jewvenile poppylation of
this and other similar places, it was in coorse pryceless to me.
And to see it bobbing up and down quite elplessly .on the waves,
and yet with a sort of sly snigger at its puzzled Marster, was
allmost too much to bear.

How on airth was I to git home! Wot a trewly horful situation
for a Hed Waiter of pecooliarly sensetif nature, warking about the
principle streets of Gentlemanly Marlow without no hat! The ideer
did cross my bewildered mind to plunge boldly into the foaming
torrent and grasp it, but no, that wood ha' been out of the fire into
the frying pan with a wengeance. I was on the werry brink of
despair, as well as of the river, wen I seed with both my delited eyes,
two of the most bootifullest ladies in all bootif'ul Marlow, a cumming
towards me in a Bote, one a pulling and one a steering, " Youth in
the Bow, and Beauty at the Elm," as the Poet says. They had seen
my atless condishun, and with all that Pity that is so necessary a part
of a butiful Fairy's natur, they had pulled to my rescue! and with a
grace, and a charm, and a sweet smile as I shall never forget, they
rescued my hat from its watery grave, and tossed it skilfully to its
greatt'ool owner!

I draws a whale over my boundless gratitood, and as my pore hat
was thoroly soacked to the skin, I perched it on the werry roof of my
hed, in a kind of degazy style, as the French calls it, and rapidly
sort my umbel home a wiser and a wetter man. Robeet.

This paragraph has been going the round of the papers, and is
extracted from the Globe :—

" A Discovery.—' Onions inhaled cause sleep, rest, and repose. The
soldier on his march, and the exhausted ironworker get great strength from
eating the onion. Tie a fresh onion round the neck, and bruise it, to make
its odour thorough, and you secure sound sleep from its nightly inhalation.'
So writes Daniel It. Clymer, ex-Mayor of Reading, Pennsylvania, U.S."

Naturally a Clymer likes something high, and the higher it is the
better ; but if it had been an English Member of Parliament who
had suggested this, we should have at once set him down as a
" Liberal-Onionist."

When Mrs. Ramsbotham heard of the Ripon Millenary Festival
last week, she exclaimed, " Quite right! I'm very very glad to
hear it! I always thought the milliners muoh overworked, and I'm
delighted they Ve had a real good holiday."

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