Punch: Punch (91.1886)

216 PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAEIVARI._[Qqtober^o, 1886.

MR, PUNCH'S NEW ORDER.

The interesting- account in a recent Times number, of the visits of
the good Queen of Greece to the various charitable institutions in
Paris, and notably to the House of the
Little Sisters of the Poor, recalls to
Z^".^ Mr. Punch's recollection, how many

SSX

suggestii—

Social Confraternity to be entitled The
Little Brothers of the Rich. Their
head-quarters were to be in a central
position in London, and the Superior
was to send out every month a list of
the Little Brothers whose kindly services
were at the disposition of all those who
Lecture to the Brethren. could afford them, whether in or out of
the Season.

The development of the telephone has rendered this idea still more
practicable, as within half an hour a Little Brother could be
summoned in any ease of urgent necessity from the Central House to
an outlying district, or from one of the suburban establishments to a
fashionable quarter.

" The Emergency Brothers " who would always be ready at their
posts, could be available for any such cases of real distress as, for
example,—a hostess suddenly finding there were thirteen at dinner.
She could at once wire to the Central House for the sort of Little
Brother she required, "to make the fourteenth at a scientific or
musical, or theatrical, or serious, or aristocratic, or ecclesiastical, or
mixed dinner-party." Or again, supposing a hostess had asked
everyone to dinner and supper afterwards, to meet Mr. _ Corney
Grain, and that at the last moment a note of apology arrives, but
Mr. Grain doesn't—("unavoidably detained"—" circumstances over
which"—"loss of voice," &c, &c.)—the hostess need not despair,
but being a subscriber to the Order she wires off, or sends her
brougham (brougham preferred) to the Central House, and back it
comes with as good a substitute for the great original (made up not
unlike him too, if time permits) as can possibly be obtained.

Indigent sons of poor but noble families will belong to it. _ A
hostess requiring an aristocratic Little Brother, foreign or English,
from a Duke to a Baronet, has only to send and say the sort of Little
Brother she requires, and he will be at her house with his star and
garter, or blue sash, or bit of riband, or whatever it may be, and
capable of making as good a display of himself as the highest in the
land.

There would be Little Brothers for
show only, without any conversation:
then there would be Little Brothers
with a perfect flow of conversation.
Little Brothers who are model racon-
teurs and full of anecdote; others
who can back their opinions in sporting
matters, and who have the history of
the turf at their fingers' ends. All
the expenses of Little Betting Brothers,
Little Card-playing Brothers, Little
Billiard Brothers, and of Sporting
Brothers generally, will be borne by
the host or hostess hiring them, who
shall have previously stated the limit
to which they are prepared to go, Little Brothers come to fill
and who shall undertake to give UP Vacancies,

fifteen per cent, of all winnings to the successful Little Brother,
who will have to hand over five per cent, to the Superior for the
good of the Order.

"Wedding parties supplied with Little Brothers (of agreeable
appearance and distinguished manners) as Best Men, Near Connec-
tions, Distant Relations, also as the comic after-breaktast Speaker,
or sentimental Friend of the Family, to propose Bride's health.

It will be seen from this slight sketch of an idea (originated years
ago in the work we have already mentioned) which Mr. Punch is
prepared to develope, and in due course to lay its further details
before the public, that this new Order, without any sort of excep-
tion or compromise which would be fatal to its existence, is essentially
The Little Brothers of the Rich.

The Old Mistake.—The Amateur Actors of London, it seems, have
now a ' press organ" of their very own. It is called Ourselves. Why
not go the entire animal, and call it Our Noble Selves f These
Amateur Actors have only one fault. They are too modest.

New Sensational Romance.—" The Curious Case of Lord Ran-
dolph Churchill and Mr. Spencer."

MARIE-ROZE.'.THAT 'S FOR REMEMBRANCE."

Hamlet, Act IV., Sc. 5.
"Well, that isn't exactly the line, but
it is " Rose mary, that's for remem-
brance," and Shakspeare, who was as
much for this age as his own, would, had
he been alive now, certainly have written
the line, on this occasion, as Mr. Punch
has given it above. With this explana-
tion, Mr. Punch forthwith sends his
heartiest congratulations to Madame
Marie-Roze on her success as Elsa in
Lohengrin, at Sheffield,—a full account of
the performance having been forwarded to
him by his oldfriend"B_ROOXSpf Sheffield,"
■—and on the enthusiastic ovation which the
operatic Rose, in full bloom all the year
round, received at Leeds. Mr. Punch has
I Pleased as Punch. noj ye^ near(i tne fair singer as Elsa, but he
has heard her in almost everything Else, Sir. He awaits her return
to town with feverish anxiety, and, once again quoting the im-
mortal and ever-adaptable Bard, he exclaims, "Marie, come up! "

A RENT IN THE CLOUDS.

The following additional Clauses 'to the " Plan of Campaign,"—
advocated by the Irish National League, are, we believe, on the point
of being promulgated:—

1. An evicted tenant shall be at liberty to live in the cottage of
another evicted tenant, as the latter will have no further use for it.

2. An evicted tenant Bhall live upon the profits of the farm from
which he has been driven out, instead of giving it as heretofore to
his landlord.

3. The tenants of an estate having decided to pay no rent to a
landlord, shall bring it to his agent when he is not at home and offer
it to him.

4. If the agent not at home refuses to accept this offer, then
the money thus brought shall be paid into the hands of the Committee,
who shall be at liberty to apply it in payment of the rent of those
tenants who have no rent to pay.

5. A tenant who has satisfied himself that he ought to pay nothing
to his landlord, shall, if already destitute, pay it to the Committee
instead, so that it might be held in trust for the support of himself,
his wife, and their poor orphan children.

6. In the event of a landlord, or his agent, breaking any of the
above rules, whether they apply to them or whether they do not
apply to them, then no tenant shall allow such landlord, or his agent,
to speak or to listen to them, unless the said landlord, or his agent,
happens to be deaf and dumb, when the affliction they are suffering
shall be considered to be sufficient punishment for their offence.

7. None of the above regulations, orders, and restrictions shall of
course be construed to apply to the pigs.

"QUI S'EXCUSE."

The recent profusely apologetic explanation volunteered by the
Sultan in excuse for his inability to pay his respects to the Duke of
Edinburgh, owing to the fact of his "not being able to get on his
coat," has led to the publication of the following diplomatic tariff,
that may be found useful to exalted personages who are contemplating
a passing visit to the Sublime Porte:—

Not being "at home" to a Practically invisible, owing to
friendly early call. being temporarily dressed in

slippers and coloured dressing-
gown.

Neglecting to return same. Mislaying gloves and walking-

stick.

Being "out" to formal after- Having nothing fit to appear in
noon call. owing to disappointment on the

part of tailor in not sending home
new things.

Postponement of grand official Waiting arrival of new evening-
banquet, dress boots.

Not coming round to see dis- Inability to borrow an ulster
tinguished guest previous to his and an umbrella from the grand
departure. Vizier or some other member of

the household.

Many hard things have been said about Mr. Gosse. Perhaps the
Liverpool Post excels all by its brief yet comprehensive announce-
ment—" Mr. Goose promises a complete answer to the attacks of the
Quarterly Review."

igf TO CORRESPONDENTS—In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unloss accompanied
by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copios of MS. should bo kept by the Senders.