Punch: Punch (91.1886)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI._237^

PAPER-KNIFE POEMS.

[By Our Special Book-Marker.)
"THE GOLDEN LAND."
You'll hear them tell of The Golden Zand.
By Farjeon. The Children, a happy hand,
Will read it with pleasure o'er and o'er,
" The Golden Land ; from shore to shore."
They '11 hunt on the bookshelves and go quite wild,
If you say, " 'Tis not there, 'tis not there! my child!"
So if yovi'd be tranquil, take Tommy and go
To the publishers named Ward, Look & Co.
And Tommy will tell how the publishers smiled,
When you bought it, and cried, " It is there, my child "

"THE NINE OP HEARTS."
The Nine of Hearts is about as exciting
As anything Fabjeon's lately been writing.
"Ward, to his partner Lock will say,
" The Nine of Hearts is the trump to play."

THE IMPERIAL INSTITUTE.

H.E.H. "Much obliged fob tour Hints, Me. Punch. I've acted upon

them, and have got together a pretty fair representative committee of
which I hope you approve.

Mr. Punch. "All good Men, and true, Sir. To adapt the Phraseology

of our esteemed friend, Mr. j. L. toole, I should say, ' keep your eye on

your Punch, and your Punch will pull you through.' I wish your Royal
Highness success, and many happy returns of the Ninth of November."

Popular Pornography.

Mr. Besley cheerfully says that " the people of Eng-
land are not likely to be corrupted by literature published
in a language they do not understand," namely, French,
duite so. Perhaps that is why so much of the most
" pornographic " of it is now being literally translated
for them in cheap volumes boastfully announced as " the
only complete and unexcised editions," and exposed for
sale on all our bookstalls. " Un-excised " forsooth! The
Excise might do some good here, if it were in its power
to interfere, instead of being so hard on our handy, com-
panionable, but slightly piratical, Tauchnitz volumes,
as is one of its " customs." The Laureate once spoke of
" Art with poisonous honey stol'n from Prance."

Stolen ? Oh, dear, no ! Only translated—much of it.

The Sultan Interviewed by Mr. Chamberlain
[through the Interpreter).—The Sultan, Sir, he say, " By
the beard of the Prophet, but the Intidel dog of a Christian
with three eyes * hath a fair plan for an Egyptian policy.
His name, too, is of good omen, for the most successful
management in Egypt on record was that of Joseph. I
have spoken. Where is my fez ? On my head be it!
Farewell."

* Probably an allusion to the single eyeglass.—Ed.

FOR THE SAKE OE THE LITTLE ONES.

DEAE With vour 'proverbial kindness you suggested that I should
j „t ",..™Tiilp amusements, preparatory to the return

undergo a courseof ju^vem eamu Christmas Holtdays, which are
of the children school tor % look/d >h h h

now within meapraUe di^ance. ^ ty oth th Albert

list of entertainments, andseie j "The Revels of

Palace, Battersea Park^ereGood aueen Bess," were to be repre-
Kemlworth in the time °* ™e £and to include the admission of a
rw^WZ fh .iter kettle-drums, (necessarily) on horseback,
m^ ffn^^lMB in the reserved seats of the Circus, I
SlftWArl young gentlemen in full

u ■ y z " „+ f!mirt (tail-coats and knee-breeches), who
JZ itZ 'wW is called a " Drawing-room Entertainment."
Their lorge^ufcttume was explained by their programme, which
X$ «SuSoon only to be found in a Royal palace for its

Pennl^rt!ir room" feats, was to make a ladder of them-

selve1 by\tendinton ogne°another's shoulders, and then to topple
over en bloc. What would become of the chandelier during this
daring manoeuvre, it is difficult to conjecture. However,_ the enter-
tainment was extremely amusing, and on the whole, more intellectual
either than waltzing or flirting. Another feature was the clever
riding and leaping of Miss Bourne, a lady of much grace and courage.

This performance was succeeded by several other very pleasing
items, including a number of interesting Clowns I am sorry to say
that I did not ascertain the identity of any of these witty gentlemen,
although given every chance by the Master of the Ring, who oblig-
ingly repeated their names very frequently Thus, when a Clown
had fallen down, the courteous official with the whip would exclaim,
" Dear me, Snooks 1 We have had a fall, Snooks! " Upon which
the Clown would ask some supremely, absurd question which the
Ring-Master would repeat somewhat m this f ashion- Can I tell
your Snooks, why you are like a mmce-pie, Snooks, in your present

recumbent position, Snooks? No, indeed, I cannot, Snooks." And
so on. Some of these admirable farceurs had the initials of their
names introduced into their motley, but even this did not help me.

After a vast amount of entertainment of most excellent quality had
been presented to us, the time came for the arrival of the cortege
with the Cavalry band. The musicians made their appearance (their
horses being led by grooms) and the gayest among the gay, was the
player on "the silver kettle-drums." This talented performer
seemed to revel in his task, and thumped the parchment with a good
humoured smile, that was absolutely exhilarating.

The "revels" were all that they should have been, and their
patronage by "good Oueen Bess" served as a proof (if one were
needed) of the great sagacity of that most renowned of sovereign
ladies and stateswomen. There were several "knights" (whoappa-
rently had gone to the same costumier lor their dresses) who most
obligingly assaulted one another, with the utmost fury, with sticks,
bladders, and other harmless weapons, for the entertainment of the
public. Apart from these gallant gentlemen was an individual in
extremely showy armour, who called himself "(The Black Knight,"
but whose performances were scarcely equal to the anticipation
raised by the magnificence of his apparel. However, taken as a
whole, as I have already said, the entire entertainment was most
satisfactory;, and I imagine, as a means for conveying in a pleasing
form historic truths to the young, might, with a little ingenuity, he
easily converted into a highly valuable auxiliary to the School Board.

Besides the Palace of Delights at Battersea, I have been to the
glass-house at Sydenham, where I was pleased to renew my acquain-
tance with Mme. Katti Lanneu's pupils in a pleasant ballet. From
this it must not be thought that I danced myself. On the contrary,
I was only (when I was a little regardless of the exact position of
neighbouring toes in hurrying to the station) the cause of dancirjg
in others. Yours respectfully,

A Perambulating Pleasure-Seeker.

" The Dispensing Power in Kerry."—The Times approves of
Dr. Buller's prescriptions, but objects to his setting up a dispensary.