Punch: Punch (91.1886)

304

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 25, 1886.

STUDIES FROM MR. PUNCH'S STUDIO.

" No. IX.—The Gieton GtoL.

The Q-irton Girl, according to popular superstition, js a being of
doubtful age, few personal attractions, vague and startling opinions,
with habits and garments to match. To her belong the cropped

head, the | spectacles, the
absence of collar, cuffs, and
figure, which are supposed
by the charitable to imply
compensating, though less
obvious, graces of mind.
Her environment, as she
would probably designate
her College rooms, is strictly
in keeping with her appear-
ance. The furniture is scanty
and uncomfortable, the" only
effort at decoration being a
natural science specimen, in
a glass jar, balanced by some
uncouth model, or the last
semi-scientific toy. She may
or may not be of a sociable
disposition, but her visitors
will find the tea weak, and
will see in her mixed biscuit
tin a practical refutation of
the principle of " survival of
the fittest." She is a great
and ardent supporter of
numerous societies, mostly
of a metaphysical and specu-
lative character, and she is
terribly in earnest with all
comers. A just sense of the dignity and superiority of her position
inspires her with a slightly aggressive contempt for all that is frivolous
and unintellectual. For her own thoughts run upon great and
stupendous social reforms which are to result in her admission to
St. Stephens, and in a complete recognition of the incontrovertible
fact that woman is, in all respects, equal to man, only more so.

This is the Girton girl, who scares the British matron as she
glances timidly over her blinkers, the creature which will be recon-
structed by the Professor Owen" of the future from the fossilised
fragments of a cotton glove, and a heel-less shoe.

But she is fast becoming as 'extinct as her prototype, the Dodo.
The modern school-girl is taking her place, no longer the giggling,
flirting maiden of fiction, but an ascetic and hard-working young
woman. Work has been her lot since the day when she stepped out
of her cradle to combine education and amusement in the arrange-
ment of alphabet bricks ; and she looks back with a wistful incre-
dulity to the time when the mystic letters, B.A., were to her nothing
worse than the voice of the black sheep in the nursery rhyme. She
inclines by instinct towards Eestheticism in dress, affecting the limpest
materials and the strangest hues, and making a compromise in the
matter of collar and cuffs by wearing at neck and wrists a piece of
very ecru lace, turned down the wrong [way. Her boots are_ the
terror of stray black-beetles, for a course of lectures on Hygienic
clothing early taught her to view with horror and distrust a slim
ancle, and a pointed toe. She has a scholarly touch of short-
sightedness, which she corrects by free use of the tortoiseshell
" pince-nez " that dangles from her neck.

Her sense of duty is remarkable, and appalling. She virtuously
accepts the onerous office of secretary to innumerable societies.
Countless notices, in her bold and clear handwriting, may be seen
day after day upon the College notice-boards, some of them of a
sufficiently pathetic character. " "Will the following members be so
very good as to pay their subscriptions due the term before last to
the ' Society for promoting Masculine Intelligence ?' " She does not
even resent her appointment as sub-officer of the Fire Brigade, the
duties of which position involve a constant personal supervision of
two or three repulsively oily little hand-engines, which she tends
and lubricates with loving care, till she has reduced her hands and
face to the colour of the brown holland apron which enshrouds the
rest of her person. Not even the horrors of an alarm-practice can
daunt her, though she may just have settled herself to revel for an
hour in the pleasant byeways of Professor Sedgwick's Ethics, when
screams of "Fire! " rushing footsteps, and an alarm-rattle, such as
heralds a bump in the May races, compel her to leave her books, and
fly to the Hall. Then the canvas buckets must be produced, her
corps arranged in alphabetical order, and marched, off to the supposed
scene of action. All this she does in an incredibly short time ; and
when, at the discretion of the head captain, the pumping of engines
and passing of buckets is allowed to stop, she returns to her work
with fortitude and resignation past belief.

The Debating Society "enjoys her hearty support, and her carefully
composed Addresses are smoothly delivered, in a slightly nervous
voice. Various as her subjects may be, they all meet with the same
exhaustive treatment. No half measures are admitted. The foun-
dations of her moral creed would totter if she could not find a meta-
physical basis for taking sugar in her tea. She may be seen opening
debates upon epoch-making subjects, such as, " Is the consumption of
green peas injurious to the eyesight, and should vegetarianism, on
the whole, be encouraged ? " For weeks previously the volume of the
Encyclopaedia containing "V" has been absent_ from the College
library; but no one volume can supply the varied information repro-
duced in her speech. After an opening allusion to Esau's mess of
potage, and a hazarded conjecture that Homeb's blindness may be
attributed to the plentiful pea-crop at Chios in 849 b.c., she will
glance lightly at the practice of Pythagoras, and pass on to consider
the probability that mistletoe formed an important item in the diet of
the ancient Britons. Then, having traced the history of vegetarianism
up to the present reign, she warms to her subject as she progresses,
and after venturing far away from the carefully prepared track in a
burst of extempore eloquence, she finds herself rather abruptly at
the end, and remarking, in a slightly constrained voice, " Therefore
I think the consumption of green peas is injurious to the eyesight,"
she resumes her seat and her customary reserve.

Her reputation gains her an attentive audience; but when the
opposer, who is a humble imitator, has spent twenty minutes upon
an inquiry into the spiritual condition of the Lotophagi, and its
bearing upon the subject under debate, the silence, which has so far
been "exemplary, is gradually broken by the scraping and fidgeting
of chairs. Then comes a whisper or two, and, finally, a remark
from a much-bored and bolder member, to the effect that the lamps
smell detestably. This creates a slight disturbance, while an un-
offending lamp is removed; but the speaker proceeds inexorably
with her remarks. As soon as she has finished, a merry-eyed girl
jumps up with the question, ""Whether the Lotophagi (whoever
they may have been) were stupid enough to eat their salad without
eggs, and if not, whether they can properly be described as vegeta-
rians ? " This is flippant, and both the opener of the debate and the
last speaker look their disapproval. But the obstructive seems im-
penitent, and the general feeling of the house now inclining towards
frivolity, the discussion becomes a lively one, until, at ten o'clock,
the votes are taken, and all is over.

The members disperse, and our obstructive—who, among other
misdemeanors, has been sending round small notes of invitation
to tea during the debate—carries her friends off to her room. There
she disposes them upon a number of the lowest and easiest possible
chairs, and gives to each her own little tray, provided with tea-pot,
milk-jug, roll, and butter. From her provision-cupboard she pro-
duces jams, biscuits, and sardines, which are supplemented, as she
has an enterprising mind, by oranges and a cocoa-nut, for second
course. Her rooms are pretty, and indicate that their owner is a
young woman of no severe type. The candle-light^ is softened by
pink shades; there are flowers in profusion, and knicknacks every-
where. Upon the desk is a strange jumble. Kant's Pure Practical
Reason reposes stolidly upon a piece of fancy needlework, while
Calverley's Fly Leaves manages to preserve a jaunty air in spite of
the superincumbent weight of a volume of the Cambridge Review.

Her friends are chosen upon the same catholic principles, for she
is the most hospitable of hostesses, and indefatigable of tea-makers,
and her Sunday afternoon teas, with the additional attractions of
music and possible strangers, are deservedly popular. This evening
her soul has warmed towards the jaded, opener and opposer of the
debate, who may be seen deep in the recesses of a cushioned corner
seat, helping each other to cake and jam in most friendly fashion.
By them is seated a tall, dark-haired girl, the athlete of the College,
winner of manylawn-tennis ties, and honoured in; many College songs,
while opposite her, crouched upon a footstool, and balancing her tea-
tray with extraordinary dexterity, is the pillar and pride of the
Amateur Dramatic Club. " "Who '11 come to Madingley to-morrow ? "
she is asking the company. " Examiners are poor creatures, and
I'm not going to spoil them by working too hard." The suggestion
is universally approved, except by the debating talent in the corner,
where it is agreed that life is too short for such frivolities. "Non-
sense," she says. "I'll take your books, and [you too, in a wheel-
barrow." But, inviting as the proposition may appear, it is unable
to overcome the objectors' sense of duty, till some one happily re-
members that a rare sort of beetle may be found in Madingley
woods. Entomology has formed part of the comprehensive educa-
tion of both the recusants, and at the thought of the beetle their
scruples vanish. So they agree to make a party, and to finish the
day's proceedings by a fancy ball. "Masks and dominoes till ten,
and then each to unmask as soon as her name is guessed." Much
time is spent in settling and unsettling details, till at last the party
breaks up with many laughing '' good-nights," and the sound of foot-
steps recedes along the dark corridors, varied with an occasional clatter
as some one stumbles over the hot-water oan and boots which stand
sentinel outside the rooms of already slumbering fellow-students.