DOI Heft:
October 22, 1887
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17658#0198
192
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 22, 1887.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
The Danvers Jewels, published by Richaed
Bentiet and Son, and written by an anony-
mous author who dedicates the work to his
sister "Di," (from whom he received some
assistance in the story, otherwise he would
"never have said 'Di,'") is a short and
well-told sensational novelette in a shilling
volume. There is a genuine vein of humour
running through it, which is so artistically
managed as at first to escape the reader's
attention, who becoming more and more irri-
tated with the stupidity of the supposed
narrator, gradually discovers that the story
which is being recounted by a middle-aged
Indian Colonel, who prides himself on being
remarkably astute, and on possessing a per-
fectly marvellous insight into character, is
being recounted by a conceited, shallow-pated
old ass. I think it a fault that at the very
last, by some such accident as being in an
assize town and being invited to sit on the
bench, he does not see the villain thoroughly
unmasked, placed in the dock, and condemned
to death, or at least penal servitude for life.
The story, excellent as it is, seems to me to
want this finish. By the way, why, for no
conceivable purpose, quote on the title-page
a line from the Old Testament which, as every
one remembering its context and after read-
ing the book must see, has no apparent bear-
ing on the subject ? Mistake this.
Deadman'sSock. By " 0." Have Messrs.
Lotris Stevenson and Bides Haggaed com-
bined under the signature of " Q." to write
A work by " Q."
at all events the first part of the weird and
exciting Romance entitled Headman's Sock ?
If not let those two authors look to their
laurels. There is much in this book to remind
the reader of Treasure Island, especially the
fiendish Sailor's uncouth chaunt, " Sing hey
for the deadman's eyes, my lads," which,
however, is not a patch upon Mr. Stevenson's
"Ho! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum," in
Treasure Island. Then there is one line in
"O.'s" story, "And here a strange thing
happened," which must call to mind Mr.
Bidee Haggaed's patent of "and now a
strange thing happened." " Q"—rious co-
incidence, isn't it i But a " coincidence " is
not likely to annoy Mr. Haggard.
In the first part the most impatient reader
will find that he cannot afford to skip a couple
of lines without detriment to the narrative,
but in the second part he may skip hand-
f uls, as the lovemaking is common-place, and
time is wasted over the tragedy which is
written by one of the heroes, and over the
description of their life in London. But on
the other hand the scene in the gambling-
house is exciting and artistically worked up,
—and coming immediately after this, the love-
making is uncommonly tame,—and the scene
at the Theatre is also very good, but after
this there is a lull in the excitement until
the end approaches, when there is one very
strong situation. But the actual finish is
weak. So the summing up is that the first
part is first-rate, and the second part is, on
the whole, second-rate. But who is " Q." ?
That is the ft. and what is the A. ? Dead-
man1 s Sock is not a good book for very
nervous persons or children: for the latter
Almond Sock would be far preferable.
THE MUSE IN MANACLES.
(By an Envious and Irritable Bard, after reading
"Ballades and JCondeaics," fust published,
and wishing he could do anything like any
of them,.)
Bored by tbe Ballade, vexed by Tillanelle,
Of Bondeau tired, and Triolet as well!
THE BALLADE.
(In Bad Weather.)
On! I'm in a terrible plight—
For how can I rhyme in the rain ?,
'Tis pouring from morn until night:
So bad is the weather again,
My language is almost profane!
Though shod with the useful galosh,
I'm racked with rheumatical pain—
I think that a Ballade is bosh!
I know I am looking a fright;
That knowledge, I know, is in vain;
My " brolly" is not water-tight,
But hopelessly rended in twain
And spoilt by the rude hurricane !
Though clad in a stout mackintosh,
My temper I scarce can restrain—
I think that a Ballade is bosh!
Oh, I'm an unfortunate wight!
The damp is affecting my brain;
My woes I would gladly recite,
In phrases emphatic and plain,
Tour sympathy could I obtain.
I don't think my verses will wash,
They 're somewhat effete and inane—
I think that a Ballade is bosh!
Envoy.
I fancy I'm getting insane,
I'm over my ankles in slosh;
But let me repeat the refrain—
I think that a Ballade is bosh I
THE TILLANELLE.
(With Vexation,)
I do not like the Tillanelle,
I think it somewhat of a bore—
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell!
The reason why I cannot tell;
Each day I fancy, more and more,
I do not like the Tillanelle !
It makes me stamp and storm and yell,
It makes me wildly rage and roar :
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell I
I look upon it as a sell,
Its use I constantly deplore;
I do not like the Tillanelle!
Poetic thoughts it must dispel,
It very often tries me sore :
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell!
For this I know, and know full well-
Let me repeat it o'er and o'er !—
I do not like the Tillanelle,
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell!
THE TEIOLET.
(In a Temper.)
A Triolet's scarcely the thing—
Unless you would carol in fetters!
If lark-like you freely would sing,
A Triolet's scarcely the thing:
I miss the poetical ring,
I'm told that it has, by my betters!
A Triolet's scarcely the thing—
Unless you would carol in fetters!
[THE'RONDEAU.
(In a Sage.)
Peat tell me why we can't agree
To bid the merry Muse run free ?
Pray tell me why we should incline
To see her in a Rondeau pine,
Or sigh in shackled minstrelsy ?
"Why can't she sing with lark-like glee,
And revel in bright jeux d'esprit f
Where form can't fetter or confine—
Pray tell me why ?
Pray tell me why that frisky gee,
Called Pegasus, should harnessed be ?
Why bit and bridle should combine
To all his liveliness consign,—
To deck the Rondeau's narrow line—•
Pray tell me why ?
BAD NEWS EOJL TEA-DKINKEES.
We learn from a report of the proceed-
ings of the City Commissioners of Sewers
/ last week, that
those vigilant
protectors of the
health of our
ancient City had
before them a
case that fairly
puzzled them,
and in its
strangeness and
, difficulty would
A Simple Clearance under probably have
Protest. puzzled even a
more judicial body than they probably pre-
tend to be. It would seem that they had
received a note of warning from the eminent
firm of Feancis Peek & Co., that a large
parcel of tea was about to be submitted to
public auction which was "simple filth,"
and utterly unfit for consumption.
A Commissioner Btated that he was present
at the Sale that morning, and that the whole
quantity, consisting of 1000 Chests, had been
sold, duty paid (it must have been cleared
at the Custom House with or without pro-
test), at one halfpenny per pound I The
natural expectation was that the " simple
filth," as it had been termed by experts,
would be at once seized by the officials and
destroyed, but this strange difficulty arose.
The Medical Officer of Health stated that he
had analyzed a sample of the tea in question,
and could not swear before a Magistrate
that it was unfit for use! He stated too, as
a specimen of the wisdom of our legislators,
that, by Act of Parliament, Tea was specially
exempted from the operations of Public
Analysts! So the willing Commissioners
found themselves powerless to act, but re-
ferred the whole matter to their Sanitary
Committee, who, we understand, will at their
next meeting take tea, instead of luncheon,
made from the remains of the sample, and
report the result.
In the meantime Mr. Punch, ever ready to
assist in a good cause, dispatched one of his
City young men to make further inquiries,
who reported that he had visited the Auction
Mart on three successive days at lunch-time,
and had asked one or two of the sharpest-
looking of the crowd, as possible purchasers
of the wondrous tea, to lunch with him,
which they had willingly done; but, although
he says he lunched them copiously, they one
and all denied any knowledge of the tea
sale in question.
"Shepheed v. Keevil."—Mem; Chris-
tian maxim for a Pastor or Shepherd, " P°
not think eevil of your neighbour."
HOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 22, 1887.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
The Danvers Jewels, published by Richaed
Bentiet and Son, and written by an anony-
mous author who dedicates the work to his
sister "Di," (from whom he received some
assistance in the story, otherwise he would
"never have said 'Di,'") is a short and
well-told sensational novelette in a shilling
volume. There is a genuine vein of humour
running through it, which is so artistically
managed as at first to escape the reader's
attention, who becoming more and more irri-
tated with the stupidity of the supposed
narrator, gradually discovers that the story
which is being recounted by a middle-aged
Indian Colonel, who prides himself on being
remarkably astute, and on possessing a per-
fectly marvellous insight into character, is
being recounted by a conceited, shallow-pated
old ass. I think it a fault that at the very
last, by some such accident as being in an
assize town and being invited to sit on the
bench, he does not see the villain thoroughly
unmasked, placed in the dock, and condemned
to death, or at least penal servitude for life.
The story, excellent as it is, seems to me to
want this finish. By the way, why, for no
conceivable purpose, quote on the title-page
a line from the Old Testament which, as every
one remembering its context and after read-
ing the book must see, has no apparent bear-
ing on the subject ? Mistake this.
Deadman'sSock. By " 0." Have Messrs.
Lotris Stevenson and Bides Haggaed com-
bined under the signature of " Q." to write
A work by " Q."
at all events the first part of the weird and
exciting Romance entitled Headman's Sock ?
If not let those two authors look to their
laurels. There is much in this book to remind
the reader of Treasure Island, especially the
fiendish Sailor's uncouth chaunt, " Sing hey
for the deadman's eyes, my lads," which,
however, is not a patch upon Mr. Stevenson's
"Ho! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum," in
Treasure Island. Then there is one line in
"O.'s" story, "And here a strange thing
happened," which must call to mind Mr.
Bidee Haggaed's patent of "and now a
strange thing happened." " Q"—rious co-
incidence, isn't it i But a " coincidence " is
not likely to annoy Mr. Haggard.
In the first part the most impatient reader
will find that he cannot afford to skip a couple
of lines without detriment to the narrative,
but in the second part he may skip hand-
f uls, as the lovemaking is common-place, and
time is wasted over the tragedy which is
written by one of the heroes, and over the
description of their life in London. But on
the other hand the scene in the gambling-
house is exciting and artistically worked up,
—and coming immediately after this, the love-
making is uncommonly tame,—and the scene
at the Theatre is also very good, but after
this there is a lull in the excitement until
the end approaches, when there is one very
strong situation. But the actual finish is
weak. So the summing up is that the first
part is first-rate, and the second part is, on
the whole, second-rate. But who is " Q." ?
That is the ft. and what is the A. ? Dead-
man1 s Sock is not a good book for very
nervous persons or children: for the latter
Almond Sock would be far preferable.
THE MUSE IN MANACLES.
(By an Envious and Irritable Bard, after reading
"Ballades and JCondeaics," fust published,
and wishing he could do anything like any
of them,.)
Bored by tbe Ballade, vexed by Tillanelle,
Of Bondeau tired, and Triolet as well!
THE BALLADE.
(In Bad Weather.)
On! I'm in a terrible plight—
For how can I rhyme in the rain ?,
'Tis pouring from morn until night:
So bad is the weather again,
My language is almost profane!
Though shod with the useful galosh,
I'm racked with rheumatical pain—
I think that a Ballade is bosh!
I know I am looking a fright;
That knowledge, I know, is in vain;
My " brolly" is not water-tight,
But hopelessly rended in twain
And spoilt by the rude hurricane !
Though clad in a stout mackintosh,
My temper I scarce can restrain—
I think that a Ballade is bosh!
Oh, I'm an unfortunate wight!
The damp is affecting my brain;
My woes I would gladly recite,
In phrases emphatic and plain,
Tour sympathy could I obtain.
I don't think my verses will wash,
They 're somewhat effete and inane—
I think that a Ballade is bosh!
Envoy.
I fancy I'm getting insane,
I'm over my ankles in slosh;
But let me repeat the refrain—
I think that a Ballade is bosh I
THE TILLANELLE.
(With Vexation,)
I do not like the Tillanelle,
I think it somewhat of a bore—
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell!
The reason why I cannot tell;
Each day I fancy, more and more,
I do not like the Tillanelle !
It makes me stamp and storm and yell,
It makes me wildly rage and roar :
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell I
I look upon it as a sell,
Its use I constantly deplore;
I do not like the Tillanelle!
Poetic thoughts it must dispel,
It very often tries me sore :
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell!
For this I know, and know full well-
Let me repeat it o'er and o'er !—
I do not like the Tillanelle,
This tinkle of a Muffin-bell!
THE TEIOLET.
(In a Temper.)
A Triolet's scarcely the thing—
Unless you would carol in fetters!
If lark-like you freely would sing,
A Triolet's scarcely the thing:
I miss the poetical ring,
I'm told that it has, by my betters!
A Triolet's scarcely the thing—
Unless you would carol in fetters!
[THE'RONDEAU.
(In a Sage.)
Peat tell me why we can't agree
To bid the merry Muse run free ?
Pray tell me why we should incline
To see her in a Rondeau pine,
Or sigh in shackled minstrelsy ?
"Why can't she sing with lark-like glee,
And revel in bright jeux d'esprit f
Where form can't fetter or confine—
Pray tell me why ?
Pray tell me why that frisky gee,
Called Pegasus, should harnessed be ?
Why bit and bridle should combine
To all his liveliness consign,—
To deck the Rondeau's narrow line—•
Pray tell me why ?
BAD NEWS EOJL TEA-DKINKEES.
We learn from a report of the proceed-
ings of the City Commissioners of Sewers
/ last week, that
those vigilant
protectors of the
health of our
ancient City had
before them a
case that fairly
puzzled them,
and in its
strangeness and
, difficulty would
A Simple Clearance under probably have
Protest. puzzled even a
more judicial body than they probably pre-
tend to be. It would seem that they had
received a note of warning from the eminent
firm of Feancis Peek & Co., that a large
parcel of tea was about to be submitted to
public auction which was "simple filth,"
and utterly unfit for consumption.
A Commissioner Btated that he was present
at the Sale that morning, and that the whole
quantity, consisting of 1000 Chests, had been
sold, duty paid (it must have been cleared
at the Custom House with or without pro-
test), at one halfpenny per pound I The
natural expectation was that the " simple
filth," as it had been termed by experts,
would be at once seized by the officials and
destroyed, but this strange difficulty arose.
The Medical Officer of Health stated that he
had analyzed a sample of the tea in question,
and could not swear before a Magistrate
that it was unfit for use! He stated too, as
a specimen of the wisdom of our legislators,
that, by Act of Parliament, Tea was specially
exempted from the operations of Public
Analysts! So the willing Commissioners
found themselves powerless to act, but re-
ferred the whole matter to their Sanitary
Committee, who, we understand, will at their
next meeting take tea, instead of luncheon,
made from the remains of the sample, and
report the result.
In the meantime Mr. Punch, ever ready to
assist in a good cause, dispatched one of his
City young men to make further inquiries,
who reported that he had visited the Auction
Mart on three successive days at lunch-time,
and had asked one or two of the sharpest-
looking of the crowd, as possible purchasers
of the wondrous tea, to lunch with him,
which they had willingly done; but, although
he says he lunched them copiously, they one
and all denied any knowledge of the tea
sale in question.
"Shepheed v. Keevil."—Mem; Chris-
tian maxim for a Pastor or Shepherd, " P°
not think eevil of your neighbour."
HOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.