Punch (99.1890)

6

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 5, 1890.

A PRACTICAL MEMENTO.

Sir James. "And were you in Rome?" American Lady. "I guess not." (To her Daicghter.) "Say, Bella, did we visit Rome?"
i air Daughter. "Why, Ma, cert'nly I Don't you remember? It was in Rome we bought the Lisle-thread Stockings!"

[American Lady is convinced.

"IN TROUBLE."

" Three Men in a Boat! " And you don't often see

Pair oars and their cox. in a nastier fix.
They started all right, did this nautical Three,

But they've managed to get in no end of a mix.
That Steersman, he thought a good deal of his Strokp,

And there seemed scarce a steadier oarsman than Bow,
But they must have got "skylarking." Ah! it's no joke,

And the question is what are they going to do now P
For danger's a-head, and 'twill tax all their tkill
To avoid a capsize and a horrible spill.

What can they he up to ? a gazer might say,

As he watched their eccentric career from the banks.
Three 'Arrxes at large on a Bank Holiday

Could hardly indulge in more blundering pranks.
Stroke " catches a crab " in the clumsiest style,

(And they called him a fine finished oarsman, this chap !)
At his " Catherine-wheeler " a Cockney might smile,

As he tumbles so helplessly back in Bow's lap.
And Bow!—well, he's snapped ofi the blade of his scull,
And poor Cox's steering-gear's all "in a mull."

It's all that Stroke's fault—so the whisper goes round.

He would try new dodges, uncalled-for, unproved,
They were " going great guns," when he suddenly lound

That, to make himself Champion (and get himself loved
By the river-side " Bungs" and their large clientele),

He must—set a new stroke in the midst of a spin—
A policy plainly predestined to fail,

And one, we must own, set roe deserving to win.
And so he has smashed up a shining success,
And got himself into a deuce of a mess.

So various voices! And this was the oar
They triumphantly won from a great rival crew;

The cool-headed, steady-nerved Stroke, bound to score;
The fellow who funking or failure ne'er knew.

He hurry, or falter, catch crabs, miss, or muff ?

No, no ; lesser men might—say, Q-l-dst-ne or Sm-th—
But he was not made of such common-place stuff,

His nerve was all steel, and his muscle all pith.
And now he's adrift amidst snags, stumps, and rocks,
And the Coxswain has just lost his rudder—poor Cox. !

And danger's ahead, and the fall of the"weir

Sounds close, as that Stroke tumbles "head over tip."
No wonder poor Bow, his oar bladeless, looks queer.

No wonder the Steersman his yoke-lines lets slip.
The Three are " In Trouble," of that there's no doubt;

Stroke mutters, " Obstruction! " Bow talks of " a loul.
But when you have muffed it, tnd foes are about,

It isn't much use at bad fortune to growl.
No; Stroke, Bow, and Coxswain must " go it like bricks,"
If they mean to get out of this troublesome fix.

Erratum.—Mr. Punch last week paid the Notts' Cricketer,
Gonn, a well-deserved compliment on his great innings of 228
against the Australians. He intended to represent him as piling-up
that huge score_ " against the best bowling." The obviously acci-
dental ■ substitution of the word "batting" for "howling" here,
caused, "the Nottingham Giant" to be credited with a novel cricketing
performance, to which even he would hardly be equal. The pro-
verbial Irish gun that could " shoot round a corner," would not be
"in it" with a Gunn who could " bat against batting!" As a
Correspondent (in slightly different words) suggests:—

" When a Champion Batsman's performance extolling,
'lis well to distinguish 'twixt batting and bowling ! "

Exchange no Robbery.—According to Mr. Punch's sharp con-
temporary, the Lancet, the effect of bagpipe-playing upon the teeth
is to blunt them ; in fact, in course of time, to wear them away. To
the auditor the music has a contrary effect. Mr. Punch is able to
say, from experience, that he has never listened to the National instru-
ment of Grand Old Scotland without laving his teeth set on edge.