Punch (99.1890)

December 6, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

265

MODERN TYPES.

(By Mr. Punch's Own Type Writer.)
No. XXII.—THE MANLY MAIDEN.
The Manly Maiden may be defined as the feminine_ exaggeration
of those rougher qualities which men display in their intercourse
with one another, or in the pursuit of those sports in which courage,
strength, and endurance play a part. In a fatal moment she con-
ceives the idea that she can earn the proud title of " a good fellow "
by emulating the fashions and the habits of the robuster sex. She per-
ceives that men have a liking for men who are strong, bluff, outspoken,
and contemptuous of peril, and she infers mistakenly, that the same
tribute of admiration is certain to be paid to a woman who, setting
the traditions of her sex at defiance, consciously apes the manly
model without a thought of all that the imitation involves. She
forgets that as soon as a woman steps down of her own free will
from the pedestal on which the chivalrous admiration of men has
placed her, she abandons at once her claim to that flattering reticence
of speech, and that specially attentive courtesy of hearing, which

hearing the Manly Maiden rally him on the poor result of his morn-
ing's sport. She will then favour him, at length, with her opinions
as to how a driven partridge or a rocketing pheasant should be shot,
flavouring her discourse with copious extracts from the Badminton
books on shooting, and adding here and there imaginative remi-
niscences of her own exploits in dealing death. In the hunting-field
she will lose her groom, and babble sport to the Master, with whom
she further ingratiates herself by rating and lashing one of his
favourite hounds, or by heading the fox whenever he attempts to
break away. She then crosses him at an awkward fence, and con-
siders herself aggrieved by the strong language which breaks
irresistibly from the fallen sportsman's lips. Later on she astonishes
an elderly follower of the hounds by asking him for a draught from
his flask, and completes his amazement by complaining of the thought-
less manner in which he has diluted his brandy.

In the evening she will narrate her adventures at length, amidst
a chorus of admiring comments from her fond parents, and their
parasites, and will follow up her triumphs of the day by pursuing
the men into the smoking-room, where she permits one of them to
offer her a cigarette.and imagines that she delights him by accept-

are in men the outward and visible signs of the i°g it. On such an occasion she will inform one

spiritual grace which they assume as an attribute 'v.;/ :," , , _Jss- of her friends that, on the whole, she has but a

of all women. In spite of what the crazy theo- '<:~-r ' ■ poor °Pmi011 °f Diana of the Ephesians, seeing

rists of the perfect equality school may_ say, men /' iml§§M *hat on^y hunted with women, and never

still continue to expect and to admire in women V ■/ ^SjtS|ja allowed men to approach her. Prom this it may be

precisely those qualities in which they feel ', T&ffim — inferre<i that her stock of classical allusions is not

themselves to be chiefly deficient. Their rever- ::; '• \ {v j,, a ! I quite so accurate and complete asthatofagenuine

ence and affection are bestowed upon her whose ", '.T ';1 . V jjjHft • ; sportswoman should be. Next morning she may

voice is ever soft, gentle*and low, and whose , r^fk ^ - be seen schooling her horses in the park. She

mild influence is shed like a balm upon the £ •' has a touching faith in the use both of spur

labours and troubles of life. Of slang, and of : . |*T \ '"- : and of whip whenever the occasion seems least

slaps upon the back, of strength, whether of -J \\ \ \ I /1L\' 1 to demand them, and she despises the man who

language or of body, they get enough and to > I S I 1 i /mm "A " rides without rowels, and reverences one who

spare amongst themselves, and they are scarcelv - - - / I \ i //ii.'f|jk \ — attempts impossible jumps without diecrimi-
to be blamed if at certain moments they should / M\\)\\\wS, "1% =\ - - nation. During the summer she spends a con-
prefer refinement to roughness, and gentleness ^>^,/ WV^ siderahle Part 01 her time in "getting fit" for
to gentlemen. However, these obvious conside- ^s*/ #Jg«™!i||]IBmf' \the labours of the autumn and winter. Some-
rations have no weight with the Manly Maiden, .^i MttMr3X^^3§L.~r \ times she even plays cricket, and has been
In fact they never occur to her, and hence arise --- \^r/W$f s£ir~!*~^^ilikJL H known to address the ball that bowled her in
failures, and humiliations, and disappointments «m - / W Jr 1 wflmBBm ' highly uncomplimentary terms,
not a few. nSC / ■ Jf: I Vm«SHfc!>v ^e yeara Pass on- She never learns that
The Manly Maiden is not, as a rule, the - JSp&lL ^JL1 m1Li*!h^^!^ ;r it is possible for a woman on certain occasions to
natural product of a genuine country life. The ^ jM^jBljiiWfX^^^KSlmfm he in the way of men, nor does her accuracy or
daughter of rich parents, who have spent a <Jl"i? fPMIwBI11 iff Wml^^B$ ^er eare w a ^un iI1C^ease• ^ she marries at
great part of their lives in a centre of com- I f ' i'tjlll [f I ' ^ all, she will marry some feeble creature who
mereial activity, she is introduced to a new ' ' has no feeling for sport, and over whom she can
home in the country at about the age of four- lord it to her heart's content. But it is more

teen. Seeing that all those who live in the neighbourhood are
in one way or another associated with outdoor sports, and that the
favour in which the men are held and their fame vary directly
as their power to ride or to shoot straight, she becomes possessed
by the notion that she too must, if she is to please at all, be proficient
in the sports of men. Merely to ride to hounds is, of course, not
sufficiently distinctive. Many women do that, without losing at all
the ordinary characteristics of women. She must ride bare-backed,
she must understand a horse's ailments and his points, she must
trudge (in the constant society of men) over fallows and through
turnips in pursuit of partridges, she must be able to talk learnedly
of guns, of powders, and of shot, she must possess a gun of her own,
and. think she knows how to use it, she must own a retriever, and
herself make him submissive by the frequent application of a silver-
headed dog-whip.

These attainments are her ideals of earthly bliss, and she sets out
to realise them with a terrible perseverance. Her father, of course,
knows but little of sport. He is, however, afflicted with the ordinary
desire to shine as a sportsman, and as a host of sportsmen. He
stocks his coverts with game, and invites large shooting parties to
stay with him. He himself takes to a gun as a hen might take to
the water ; although, as his daughter contemptuously expresses it,
he is calculated to miss a hippopotamus at ten yards, he seems to
imagine, if one may be permitted to judge from the wild frequency
of his shots, that it is the easiest thing in the world to hit a pheasant
or a partridge flying at ten times that distance. From such a
father the Manly Maiden easily secures permission, first of all, to
walk with the men while they are shooting, and subsequently to
carry a gun herself.

And now the difficulties of the situation begin to make themselves
felt, not, indeed, by her, for she remains sublimely unconscious to
the end, but by the men who are compelled to associate with her
upon her ventures. No man will ever hesitate to rebuke another for
carrying his gun in such a way as to threaten danger; but, when a
lady allows him to inspect the inside of her loaded gun-barrels, or
shoots down the line at an evasive rabbit, he must suffer in silence,
and can only seek compensation for restraining his tongue by in-
continently removing his body to a safe place, where he can neither
shoot nor be shot. At luncheon, however, he may be gratified by

probable that she will remain unwedded, and will develop eventu-
ally from a would-be harding-riding maiden, into a genuinely hard-
featured old maid.

A MUSICAL POLE STAB.

The Irish Polar Star Musical, yclept our Paddy Rewski, gave his
last " recital" at St. James's Hall, Thursday, November 27. Bedad,
then, 'tis Misther Paddy Rewski himself that is the broth of a boy
entirely at the piano-forte, but, Begorra, he's better at the piano
than the forte. He gave us a nice mixture of Handel, Beethoven,
CnopiN, Liszt, and then a neat little compo of his own, consisting of
a charming theme, with mighty ingenious and beautiful variations,
all his own, divil a less. Great success for Paddy Rewski. The
Irish Pole, or Pole-ished Irishman, has thoroughly mastered his art,
but if he has learnt how to maeter tune he has not yet perfected
himself in keeping strict time, as he took his seat at the piano ju9t
one quarter of an hour late. Paddy Rewski, me bhoy, when next
you give us a recital, remember that punctuality is the soul of
business. An revoir, Paddy Rewski !

Yours entirely, Jim Kro Meski.

Advice Gratis.—Go and see London Assurance, with " Charles
our friend" in it, at the Criterion. It has, probably, never yet been
put on the stage as it is hie et nunc. "Well worth seeing as a curio.
But what tin-pot nonsense is the Tally-ho speech of Lady Grace
Harkaway. And yet it has always " gone," and London Assurance
itself, like the sly Reynard of the speech, has invariably shown good
sport, and given a good run for the money.

Mad "Waggery.—The Chequers is not the name of a wayside inn,
but of one of those modern inventions calculated to help to fill
Colney Hatch. A Puzzle it is, and it can be done—at least so say
Feltham & Co. Anyhow, they don't sell the solution, they only
provide the mystery. _

As Old-Eabhionid Christmas Number [which is sure not to he
forgotten).—Number One.

vol. xcix. a a