Punch (99.1890)

August 2, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

49

A " SCENE" IN THE HIGHLANDS.

Ill-used Husband (under the Bed). "Ate I Ye may Crack me, and ye may Thrash me, but ye

CANNA BREAK my MANLY SpEERIT. I 'LL NA comb oot 1 1 "

PUNCH TO THE SECOND
BATTALION.

" Quis custodiet ipsos custodes ? "

Juvenal.

Yot/'ee ofi, boys, to Bermuda
[Like "the Bermoothes,"
"vexed").
The Guards rebel ? Proh pudor !
"What next — and next — and
next ?■

"Who ']1 guard the Guards, if they
guard not

The fame they should revere ?
Fie on the row, row, row, row,

Of the British Grenadier!

Your Punch is sorry for you,
And for these lads "in quod;"

But Discipline's a parent
That must not spare the rod.

May you right soon redeem your
name,

And no more may Punch hear
Of the row, row, row, row, row,
row,

Of the British Grenadier!

If you have been o'er-worried

By ultra-Martinet ;
Into unwisdom hurried,

Be sure Bt/ix won't forget.
But England's Redcoats must not
ape [clear;

The Hyde Park howl, that's
So no more row, row, row, row,

From the British Grenadier!

ROBERT'S AMERICAN ACQUAINTANCE.

My akwaintance among eminent selebraties seems to be rapidly
enereasing. "Within what Amlet calls a week, a little week, after
my larst intervue with the emenent young Swell as amost lost his
art to the pretty Bridesmade, I have been onored with the most
cordial notice of a worry emenent Amerryoane, who eums to Lundon
wunce ewery year, and makes a good long stay, and alius cums to
one or other of our Grand Otels. He says he's taken quite a fansy
to me, and for this most singler reason. He says as I'm the ony
Englishman as he has ewer known who can alius giv a answer rite
off to ewery question as he arsks me! So much so, that he says as
how as I ort to be apinted the Guide, Feelosofer, and Trend of
ewery one of the many Wisiters as we alius has a staying here!

"Well, all I can say is, that if I affords the heminent Amerrycane
jest about harf the fun and emusement as he does me, I must be a
much cleverer feller than I ewer thort myself, or than my better harf
ewer told me as I was. Ah, wouldn't he jest make her stare a bit
if she herd sum of his most owdacious sayings. Why, he aoshally
says, that the hole system of marrying for life is all a mistake, and
not consistent with our changable nature! And that we ort to
take our Wives on lease, as we does our houses, wiz., for sewen or
fourteen years, and that in a great majority of cases they woud
both be preshus glad when the end of the lease came ! And he tries
werry hard to make me bleeve, tho in course he doesn't succeed,
that in one part of his grate and staggering Country, ewerybody
does jest as he likes in these rayther himportant matters, and has
jest as many Wives as he can afford to keep, and that the King of
that place has about a dozen of 'em! Ah, if you wants to hear a
reel downright staggerer as nobody oarnt posserbly bleeve, don't
" ask the Pleaceman," but arsk an Amerrycane!

He wanted werry much to go to Brighton, and see our new Grand
Metropole Otel opened last Satterday ; so I spoke to our most gentle-
manly Manager, and he gave him a ticket that took him down first-
class, and brort him back, and took him into the Otel, and supplied
him with h every think as art coud wish for, or supply, and as much
Shampane as he could posserbly drink—and, when there ain't
nothink to pay for it, it's reelly estonishing what a quantity a

gennelman can dispose of-; and the way in which he afterwards

told me as he showed his grattitude for what he called a reel first-
class heavening's enjoyment was, to engage a delicious little sweet of
apartments for a fortaite, so we shall see him no more for that
length of time. He told me as he had seen all the great Otels of
Urope and Amerrykey, but he was obligated to confess, in his own
emphatic langwidge, that the Brighton Metropole "licked all
creation!" I didn't quite understand him, but I've no doubt it
was intended as rayther complimentary. He rayther staggered me

by asking what it cost, but I was reddy with my anser, and boldly
said, jest exacly a quarter of a million.

He told me that, in his own grand country, he was ginerally re-
garded as a werry truthful man, which, of course, I was pleased to
hear, for sum of his statements was that staggering as wood have
made me dowt it in a feller-countryman. For hinstance, he acshally
tried to make me bleeve that his Country is about 20 times as big as
ours! Well, in course, common politeness made me pretend to
bleeve him, speshally as he's remarkable liberal to me, as most of
his countrymen is, hut I eoudn't help thinking as it woud have been
wiEer of him if he had made his werry long Bow jest a leetle shorter.
He's a remarkabel fine-looking gennelman, and. his manners quite
comes up to my description. Robebt.

A LYRIC EOR LOWESTOFT.

[Mr. Henry Irving is Btudying for his new piece at Lowestoft.]

Henry Irving, will the Master feel the fierce and bracing breeze,
As you wander by the margin of the restless Eastern seas ?

Save the seagull slowly swirling none

shall hear the tale of woe,
Learn how dark the life that ended in

the fatal " Kelpie's Flow."

'Mid the murmur of the ocean you will

tell how Edgar felt
When his Lucy broke her troth-plight,

and he flung down Craigengelt.

Fitting 'place for actor's study, all that

long and lonely shore;
Yonder point methinks as Wolf's Crag

should be known for evermore.

Henceforth will the place be haunted

when the midnight hour draws nigh:
Men. shall see the Master standing stern

against the stormy sky.

Faint, impalpable as shadow from the cloudland, Lucy there

Shall keep tryst; the moon's effulgence not more golden than her hair.

And, in coming nights of Autumn, when the vast Lyceum rings
With reverberating plaudits, and the town thy praises singB,

Memories of the sands at Lowestoft shall be with you ere you sleep;
In your ears once more shall echo diapason, of the deep.

vol. xrax.