Punch (99.1890)

December 13, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

277

the Devil went out and gave his gyp, Stabling, a complete set of
instructions for use in case of flood.

Chaptee III.

Stabling was a pale, greasy man. He was a devil of a gyp. He
went into Geoege's bed-room and shook his master by the shoulder.
Geobge woke up.

" Bring me the College pump," he said. " I must have it. No,
stay," he continued, as Stabling prepared to execute his orders, " a
hair of the dog—bring it, quick, quick! "

Stabling gave him three. He always carried them about with
him in case of accidents. Geobge devoured them eagerly, reck-
lessly. Then with a deep sigh of relief, he went stark staring mad,
and bit Stabling in the fleshy part of the thigh, after which he fell
fast asleep again. On awaking, he took his name off the College
books, gave Stabling a cheque for £5000, broke ofi his engagement,
but forgot to post the letter, and consulted a Doctor.

"What you want," said the Doctor, "is to be shut up for a year
in the tap-room of a public-house. No water, only spirits. That
must cure you."

So Geobge ordered Stabling to hire a public-house in a populous
district. When this was done, he went and lived there. But you
scarcely need to be told that Stabling had not carried out his orders,

MR. PUNCH'S PRIZE NOVELS.

No. IX.—THE CURSE OF COGNAC.
{By Watbe Decant, Author of " Chaplin off his Feet," "All Sorts of
Editions for Men," " The Huns in Dilemma," "The Cream he
Tried," "Blue-lhc-Money Haughty-bay," " The Silver Gutter-
snipe," "Allfor a Farden Fare," " The Holey Hose," "Caramel
of Stickinesse," <bc., cfcc, cfcc.)

[Of this story the Author writes to us as follows :—"I can honf stly recom-
mend it, as calculated to lower the exaggerated cheerfulness which is apt to
prevail at Christmas time. I consider it, therefore, to he eminently suited
for a Christmas Annual. Families are advised to read it in detachments of
four or five at a time. Married men who owe their wives'mothers a grudge
Bhould lock them into a bare room, with a guttering candle and this story.
Death will be certain, and not painless. I've got one or two rods in pickle
for the publishers. You wait and see.—'W. D."]

Chaptee I.

Geoege Ginsling was alone in his College-rooms at Cambridge.
His friends had just left him. They were quite the tip-top set inChrist's
College, and the ashes of the cigarettes they had been smoking lay
about the rich Axminster carpet. They had been talking about many
things, as is the wont of young men, and one of them had particularly

bothered George by asking him why he had refused a seat in the i How could he be expected to do that? Only fifty-six pages of my
University Trial Eights after rowing ,., ___________ .. . ________zr—_"" book had been written, and even pub-

No. 5 in his College boat. Geokge ; jil, , a Ilishers—the most abandoned people
had no answer ready, and had re- I jl jlijii ( \Ki " on the face of the earth—know that
plied angrily. Now, he thought of 'ill iWffll -ns&- \"^Jm that amount won't make a Christmas
many answers. This, made him liljj;'''//,'/ ^Will. '{'Iw&l' _^\\uVMff» Annual. So Stabling hired a Tem-
nervous. He paced quickly up and |||| ////////fill - YkWL U^^\\\\\\\wR Perance Hotel. As I have said, he
down the deserted room, Bipping his J l\ • //«,/// < / \ )&mtos^ i\\V»u\\OT\\\\\mli was a devil of a gyp.
seventh tumbler of brandy, as he Bp'. /<^llvQ ///) \L (9TM5% IWfilil n tvt
walked. It was Ms invariable cus- Mf 1-^1™!! Chaptee IV.
torn to drink seven tumblers of neat If^S^M'ft* I *\jm f ;f|f| V\\PP^M® The fact was this. One of Geoege's
brandy every night to steady him- life, ,r\^L\* ffwfti' l^nwxSXSFw •y^~':jn$mw great-great uncles had held a corn-
self, and his College career had, in W&Nell'r-^ hk'J^M W&&MWBBk< m^on ^ *be Blue Ribbon Army,
consequence, been quite unexcep- ^^kiwK lllllll uA^TwIB 'AvAwSulS^^ Geobge remembered this too late.

tionable up to the present moment. •_, "*?-r_V ■, rf^^^MWl I'MiiMl WWuKNafsM The offer of a seat in the University
He used playfully to remind his : ." * • A •.v-^^T'v. mmUl^l^S^SSlim^W, Trial Eights must have suggested

Dean of Pokson's drunken epigram, '. ' ■■ /i.vJfl) V^^s^^ &«'f'i I lilM^^^^^^^ the blue ribbon which the University

and the good man always accepted 'M\\)wlftfllMt \' K' MK^mF^^^^VrW Crew wear on their straw hats. Thus

this as an excuse for any false quan- J\\f jm^^W v - Mm^Ml '-J-'^WlimWlrSM *ne diabolical forces of heredity were

tities in Geoege's Greek Iambics. ''J^&Il^ %^ ^ m*<£Mi Wi "^IF1 \Mf 7/ roused to fever-heat, and the great-

But to-night, as I have said, ^^2-^w5^/« $A > great uncle, with his blue ribbon,

Geoege was nervous with a strange >^^^N N ,,. W^^is^- whose photograph hung in Geoege's

nervousness, and he, therefore, went "-c^aT^-^^ //M ^ home over the parlour mantelpiece,

to bed, having previously blown out 'x Nk"-^^*^^, N=£*' became a living force in Geoege's

his candle and placed his Waterbury " brain,

watch under his pillow, on the top of which sat a Devil wearing a
thick jersey worked with large green spots on a yellow ground.

Chaptee II.

Now this Devil was a Water-Devil of the most pronounced type.
His head-quarters were on the Thames at Barking, where there is a
sewage outfall, and he had lately established a branch-office on the
Cam, where he did a considerable business.

Occasionally, be would run down to Cambridge himself, to consult
with his manager, and on these occasions he would indulge his play-
ful humour by going out at night and sitting on the pillows of
Undergraduates.

This was one of his nights out, and he had chosen Geobge
Ginsling's pillow as his seat.

Geoege woke up with a start. What was this feeling in his
throat ? Had he swallowed his blanket, or his cocoa-nut matting ?
No, they were still in their respective places. He tore out his
tongue and his tonsils, and examined them. They were on fire.
This puzzled him. He replaced them. As he did so, a shower of
red-hot coppers fell from his mouth on to his feet. The agony was
awful. He howled, and danced about the room. Then he dashed at
the whiskey, but the bottle ducked as he approached, and he failed
to tackle it. Poor Geoege, you see, was a rowing-man, not a
football-player. Then he knew what he wanted. In his keeping-
room were six carafes, full of Cambridge water, and a dozen bottles
of Hunyadi Janos. He rushed in, and hurled himself upon the
bottles with all his weight. The crash was dreadful. The foreign
bottles, being poor, frail things, broke at once. He lapped up the
liquid like a thirsty dog. The carafes survived. He crammed
them with their awful contents, one after another, down his throat.
Then he returned to his bed-room, seized his jug, and emptied it at
one gulp. His bath was full. He lifted it in one hand, and drained
it as dry as a University sermon. The thirst compelled him—drove
him—made him—urged him—lashed him—forced him—shoved him

—goaded him-to drink, drink, drink water, water, water! At

last he was appeased. He had cried bitterly, and drunk up all his
tears. He fell back on his bed, and slept for twenty-four hours, and

Geoege Ginsling went and lived in a suburban neighbourhood.
It was useless. He married a sweet girl with various spiteful rela-
tions. In vain. He changed his name to Pumpdbt, and conducted
a local newspaper. Profitless striving. Stabling was always at
hand, always ready with the patent filter, and as punctual in his
appearances as the washing-bill or the East wind. I repeat, he was
a devil of a gyp.

Chaptee V.

They found Geobge Ginsling feet uppermost in six inches of
water in the Daffodil Road reservoir. It was a large reservoir, and
had been quite full before Geoege began upon it. This was his
record drink, and it killed him. His last words were, "If I had
stuck to whiskey, this would never have happened."

"It is the Bogie Man!"—Blackie's Modern Cyclopedia,
Nothing to do with the Christy Minstrel Entertainment, but a very
useful work of reference, issued from the ancient house of publishers
which is now quite Blackie with age. We have looked through the
"B's" for "Bngie," but "The Bogie Man" is "Not there, not
thfre, my child!" but he is tn be found in that other Blackie's
collection at the St. James's Hall, which Bogie Man is said to be
the original of that ilk. TJnde derivatur "bogie"? Perhaps the
next edition of Blackie's still-more-Modtrn-than-ever Cyclopedia
will explain. _

Pass about Pictubes {by Old Par).—At the Fine Art Society's
Gallery I gazed upon the pictures of "Many-tided Nature " with
great content, and came to the conclusion that Mr. Albebt Goodwin
was a many-sided artist. " Now," said I, quoting Shakspeabe—
— Old Par's Improved Edition—"is the Goodwin of our great
content made glorious." 0. P., who knows every inch of Abingdon,
who has gazed upon Hastings from High Wickham, who is intimate
with every brick in Dorchester, who loves every reed and ripple
on the Thames, and has a considerable knowledge of the Rigi and
Venice, can bear witness to the truth of the painter. There are
over seventy pictures—every one worth looking at.

vol. xcxt.