Punch (99.1890)

July 12, 1890.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

17

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Baron begs to acknowledge the receipt of a delightful hook
entitled, Bordeaux et ses Vins (Cinquieme edition.') Classes par
Ordre de MSrite, written by M. Edouabd Ferret, and enriched

with 225 views of vine-cul-
tnring Chateaux, by M.
Eugene Vebgez. It is
published by G. Masson,
Boulevard Saint Germain
120, and now the Baron has
placed it within reach of all
the world. This particular
volume was presented to
the Baron by Messrs. Han-
key, Bannisteb & Co., who
succeeded to the business of
Tod Heatley & Co. (why
was there never a Scotch
firm of Toddy Deinkley &
Co. f) Judging from a few
casual dips into its contents,
it will evidently afford him
some interesting half-hours
with the best crus. The
connoisseur in claret should
go right through the book
until he comes to " Entre-
deux-mers," by which time
he will be as wise and as
ready as was Solomon,
entre deux meres, to pro-
nounce judgment. The
history of the Pape Clement
wine takes us back to 1305,
and is correctly told; but
the Baron doubts whether

|IH » (Win Febeet has ferreted out

Kefreshment for the Baron. tne real gtory of the Chateau

Haut-Brion. The fact is, that about the Twelfth Century, Seigneur
The Baeon O'Beien from County Clare—which, as you see, only
requires a "t" to make " Clare" into" Claret "—became the happy
possessor of this elegant vine-growing district. The Baron O'Beien
having taken a great deal of trouble about the good of his
body, was one day struck by the remark, " in vino Veritas," and
thought he would do something for the good of his soul. So he
founded a Mission, La Mission O'Brien, and then died in the odour
of the most celebrated crus. On his tomb were the simple words,
" II crut." In the course of time, grass grew over the stone, the
Mission moved, sold the property, and another family of Irish
descent, O'Blivion, would have wiped out every memorial of the
original pious founder, had it not been for the peasantry, who had
Grallioised O'Beien into Haut Beion, under which name it has been
known for the last two centuries. If this is not the veracious history
ot this celebrated wine, the Baron would like to know what is P
.How sensible to give an order of merit to the best Claret-grower.
J. wo .Barons of the House of Rothschild are thus distinguished. It
was alter trying many other Clarets that Baron James turned to
Barons Alphonse Gustave and Edmond de Rothschild, and uttered
the memorable words, "JRevenons a nos moutons." It is a fascinating
worn, ana the Baron has only just put down these few notes as an
instalment ol a grand book on wines, wine-growers, and wine-drinkers
Folks m^dQrTpeT he is 0n the Point of bringing out, entitled
The Baron likes persons who take a hint kindly and act on it
sensibly. He says_this a propos of the Hairless Paper-pad Holder,
the bald idea of which was suggested in
Mr. Punch's pages. The paper-pad will be
lound. most useful to travelling writers who
use ink, and those authors whom gout, or
some other respectable ailment, compels to
work recumbently in bed or on sofa. The
writer in bed, with ink handy, has only to
take up his pad in one hand and his pen in
the other, and as sheet after sheet is covered
—sheets of paper lien entendu—he tears it
oil, and dries it at once on the blotter, which
forms a portion of the pad. For Mr. Glad-
stone, when he is once again Prime Minister,
va&liatrless Paper-pad will be invaluable, as he can place it com-
•f .Rjy on nis knee, write his despatch to Hee Majesty, and blot
it without distraction. As a writer of considerable practioal experi-
ence, the Baron De Book-Worms strongly recommends the Hairless
r™"r~p ' whi°n he will leave as a Hairloom to his family.
The Baron wishes to say that he has received Dunlop's Calculating
Apparatus, and in attempting to discover how on earth to use it,

whether as a game, or a puzzle, or a ready-reckoner, the Baron's
hair is turning from grey to white. There are numbers, and sections,
and tons, and small figures and large figures, and slips, and strips,
and numbers in black ink, and others in red ink, and though it must
of course be the very simplest and easiest thing in the world when
you once know all about it, yet it is just the sort of book (yet it isn't
exactly a book) that might have deeply interested the Hatter and
the March Hare, and Lewis Cabeoll's Snark Hunters, and sug-
gested many deep questions to the inquiring mind of Alice in Won-
derland. As a really humorous production, capable of affording
amusement for many a weary hour, it may be safely recommended
to parties in country houses during an exceptionally rainy season.

The Baeon de Book-Wobms.
P.S.—My faithful " Co." has been reading The Lazy Tour of Two
Idle Apprentices, No Thoroughfare, and The Perils of Certain Eng-
lish Prisoners, the joint work of Chables Dickens and Wilkie
Collins, and now published for the first time in a single volume.
He says that the book is instructive, inasmuch as it shows the growth
of its authors' collaboration. When the writers started The Lazy
Tour they were, so to speak, like the gentleman seated one day at
the organ, "weary and ill at ease;" they grew more accustomed to
one another during The Perils, and attained perfeotion in No
Thoroughfare. This last novel shows no traces of dual workman-
ship, and might have been the outcome of a single pen. My " Co."
has but one fault to find with Messrs. Chapman and Hall (Limited)
—he says that the stories deserved better illustrations.

A VALID EXCUSE.

[A Juror who failed to put in an attendance at the Old Bailey sent an excuse
that ho was away on his honeymoon. The Loud Mayor declared this was
a perfectly valid excuse.]

The sly Undergraduate, eager to be

Of Tutors and Doans an acute circumventist,
Has been known to declare, when he went on the spree,

'Twas to bury his uncle, or call on his dentist.

The husband who's ever in scrapes or in pickles,
And in coming home early displays a remissness,

Is wont, if it's safe to believe Haeey Nicholls,
To say he stayed out on " a matter of business."

The hero whose praises they constantly sound,
A Triton 'mongst minnows in prowess at cricket,

When bowled by a hall that did not touch the ground,
Very frequently swears 'twas the state of the wicket!

And the Juryman, finding excuses were vain,

Of the Judge's displeasure has ever been fearful,
Since he knew it availed not a whit to complain—

He must be in his place, or pay up and look cheerful.
But the thought of a fine never more will produce

Consternation, nor ever again make him pallid.
In a Honeymoon now he has got an excuse,

And the Loed Mayoe pronounces it " perfectly valid" !

THE OPERA-GOER'S DIARY.

Nothing particular this week. Mile. Melea, the two De
Riszkes, and M. Lassalle sang,
by Royal command, in the
afternoon at Windsor Castle.
"Wasn't that a dainty dish
to set before the Queen?"
Rather. We meant to wind up
the week with Le Prophete, but
Jean de Reszke had caught
cold,—perhaps on the return
journey from Windsor,—and so
Faust was substituted, with
Milba as Marguerite, and
Ravelli the Reliable as Faust.
We are looking forward to
Hamlet. "To he or not to be" t
Probably " to be." Highly suc-
cessfulSeason gradually drawing
to a close. Where'sMasaniellof
Not heard it for years. It would
come out as quite a novelty. Let the Sheriff-elect look to it. If not
for this Season, let it mark the year of office of Deueiolanus
Opeeaticus.

"Paeochial" Politics Indeed !—Making over to a handful of
Colonists that would not fill many an English parish the " mighty
mileage" of Western Australia!