Punch (99.1890)

Jdlt 12, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 21

EVOLUTIONARY ASSIMILATION.

A Story of Signor Piatti and his 'Cello.

SUNDAY AT HOME.

The stillness of the Summer day-
Broods o'er the country sweet,

And all things, save the murmuring stream,
Are silent in the heat.

The sunbeams through the green leaves
play,

The air is sweet with new-mown hay—
But I am bound at home to stay
Here in Great Gasworks Street.

On the fourth-floor I take the air,

And hear the trains roll by,
And dream of all the visions fair

That o'er the housetops lie ;
The meadows where the daisies stray,
The bleating sheep, as white as they,
The breakers and the sparkling spray,

Beneath the smokeless sky.

There's Mtnnie in the cradle,

And Tommy on the floor,
And Johnny with a ladle

Is banging on the door;
And, where the household linen dries,
Cross little Annie sits and cries

As loud as she ean roar.

About the street the children sprawl,

Or on the door-steps sit;
The -women, gay with kerchief-shawl,

Engage the men -with -wit,
Who lounge at ease against the wall,

And meditate and spit.

So through the Summer Sunday hours

The sunbeams slowly steal,
Gilding the beer-shop's saw-dust bowers,
The cabbage-stalks in lieu of flowers,

The trodden orange-peel,
Till, calm as heaven, the moon appears
A Sister in a house of tears, '

Who soothes, but cannot heal.

And now the cheap excursionists

Come, tired and happy, home,
And hear amid the noisy streets

The churning of the foam.
They've seen the surges rolling in

With slow, reluctant roar.
Or shouted to the ceaseless din

Along the rooky shore;
And others in the woodland way,

Or on the breezy down,
Have gone excursioning astray,

While I have stayed in Town,
And wished that I was dead and bu-ri-erf,

For all my Sunday gown.

And little Bobby's hair is curled

By country breezes sweet; >
And Lizzie's heart is full of light,

Though heavy are her feet.
Father and mother face their plight

More hopeful for the treat,
And bless the God who made a world

Beyond Great Gasworks Street.

Where and How to Spend a Happy Day,
Weather Permitting, of Course.—Go to
Sevenoaks; lovely drive, see Knole Park and
House, drive back
via Farningham —
prettiest place pos-
sible, and one that
the broken-hearted
Tupman might have
chosen for his re-
treat from the mad-
ding crowd — to
Dartford, -where
dine at the ancient
hostelrie called
"The Bull." Re-
commended by the
Punch faculty, the Bull and no mistake.
Then up to London, still by road,—if a fine
moonlight night, delightful,—and remember
the summer day so well spent as " a Knole
'Oliday." _

TOO CLEYER BY HALE.

(Being Questions and Answers Gut on Ok Straight.)

Question. So you have finished your educa-
tion ?

Answer. Yes, thanks to the liberality of
the School Board.

Q. Do you know more than your parents ?

A. Certainly, as my father -was a sweep,
and my mother a charwoman.

Q. Would either occupation suit you ?

A. Certainly not; my aspirations soar
above such pursuits, and my health, impaired
by excessive study, unfits me for a fife of
manual labour.

Q. Kindly tell me what occupation would
suit you ?

A. I think I could, with a little cram-
ming, pass the examinations for the Army,
the Navy, or the Bar.

Q. Then why not become an officer in either
branch of the United Service, or a Member of
one of the Inns of Court ?

,A. Because I fear that as a man of neither
birth nor breeding, I should be regarded with
contempt in either the Camp or the Forum.

Q. Would you take a clerkship in the City ?

A. Not willingly, as I have enjoyed gome-
thing better than a commercial education,
besides City clerkships are not to be had for
the asking.

Q. Well, would you become a shop-boy or
a counter-jumper ?

A. Certainly not; I should deem it a sin to
waste my accomplishments (which are many)
in filling a situation suggestive of the servants'
hall, rather than of the library.

Q. Well then, how are you to make an
honest livelihood ?

_ A. Those who are responsible for my educa-
tion must answer that question.
Q. And if they oan't'(
A. Then I must acoept an alternative, and
seek inspiration and precedents from the
records of success in another walk of life,
beginning with the pages of the Newgate
Calendar.'

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

Platformulars.

" The humble individual who now addresses
you;" i.e., "I mustn't exactly assert my
superiority in so many words; this is an
invitation to you to do it for me."

Doubtful Recommendation.

" Quite a wonderful wine, when you think
of the price ;" i.e.. Good enough for you.

" He is said to have quite the biggest practice
about here ;" i.e., You may call him in if you
like; /shouldn't.

Friendly Comments on Character and
Accomplishments.

"Poor dear Mulligan! he is quite too
delightfully good-natured, don't you knoto;"
i.e., "A great goose who gushes, and fancies
it generosity."

" A great authority on Golf;" " An ener-
getic bore, whose talk is all of ' bunkers' and
•Mr. Balfour.'"

Electioneerino.

" Have been asked to come forward;" i.e.,
'' The resultof ten years pushing and scheming
on my part."

A "local" man; i.e., Owns a small pro-
perty in the furthest corner of the county.

" The good old cause ;" i.e., Ourselves.

" Have always felt that the- class are

the mainstay of the country;" i.e., "Must
conciliate the industrial section of consti-
tuency."