Punch (99.1890)

July 19, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

27

Wednesday.—Railway Directors, Sweeps, Chairmen
of Public Companies, Coal-Heavers, Provincial Mayors,
Dentists, Travelling Circus Proprietors, Fish Con-
tractors, Beadles, Cabinet Ministers, Street Scavengers,
Dog Fanciers, Archbishops, Gas Fitters, Hereditary Le-
gislators, Prize Fighters, Poor-Law Guardians, Lion
Tamers, Green-Grocers, and many other discontented
members of the community, having all joined in a uni-
versal strike, society, becomes totally disorganised, and
Ihe entire country quietly but, effectually collapses, and
disappears from the European system.

SHAKSPEARE ONCE AGAIN, ADAPTED TO

THE SITUATION.

(See Titus Andronicus, Act II., Sc. 1.)

Aaron {the Agitator) loquitur:—

Foe shame, be friends, and join for that you jar:

'lis Union and Strikes, my lads, must do

That you affect; and so must you resolve

That what you cannot severally achieve,

United you may manage as you will.

A speedier course than lingering languishment

Must we pursue, and I have found the path.

My lads, a biggish business is in hand ;

Together let brave British Bobbies troop:

The City streets are numerous and wealthy,

And many unfrequented nooks there be,

Fitted by kind for violence and theft;

But take you thence, and many a watchful ruffian

"Will soon strike home, by force and not by words :

This way, or not at all, stand you in hope.

Come, come, our comrades, with more sluggish wit,

To vigilance and duty consecrate,

"Will we acquaint with all that we intend,

And we will so commit them to our cause

That they cannot stand off or " square" themselves;

But to your wishes' height you'll all advance.

The City's courts have houses of ill-fame,

Town's palaces are full of wanton wealth,

The slums are ruthless, ravenous ripe for crime.

Then speak, and strike, brave boys, and take your turns.

INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS.

Fair Authoress. "So sorry to be so Lath:. I'm afraid I'm List!"
Genial Host. " ' Last— but not Least!'"

SONG SENTIMEMTA.NA.

{A delightful " All-the-Year-Round" Resort
for the Fashionable Composer.)

Example V.—Of the transformative powers of
Love, under condition of Proximity.

"When" thou art near, the hemisphere

Commissioned to surround me,
(As well as you,) is subjeot to

Some changes that astound me.
"Where'er I look I seem mistook ;

All objects—what, I care not—
At once arrange to make a ohange
To something that they were not!
"When thou art near, love,
Strange things ocour—
Thickness is clear, love,

Clearness a blur.
Penguins are weasels,

Cheap things are dear,
" Jumps " are but measles
"When thou art near!

When thou art close, the doctor's dose

Is quite a decent tonic.
Thy presenoe, too, makes all things new,

And five-act plays laconic.
And, with thee by, the earth's the sky,

And your " day out" is my day,
"While tailors' bills are daffodils,
And Saturday is Friday!

"When thou art here, love,

Just where you are,
Far things are near, love,

Near things are far.
Beef-tea is wine, love,
Champagne is beer,1
Wet days are fine, love,
When thou art near.

Without you stand quite olose at hand,

A broker is a broker;
But stick by me, and then he '11 be

A very pleasant joker!
Without thee by, a lie's a lie—

The truth is nought but truthful.
But by me stay, and night is day—
And even you are youthful!

When thou art near, love,—

Not, love, unless,—
Thick soup is clear, love,

Football is chess.
Ibvings are Tooles, love,

Tadpoles are deer,
Wise men are fools, love,
When thou art near!

When Kennbdt fell out of his boat at
Henley, his antagonist, Psotta, magnani-
mously waited for him to get in again. He
must be a good Psotta chap.

Lost Opportunities.—Last Tuesday week
the members of the Incorporated Cain-and-
Abel-Authors' Society lost a great treat when
Mr. Geoege Augustus Sala indignantly re-
fused to take his seat "below the salt," and
walked out without making the speech with
which his name was associated on the toast-
list. But, on the other hand, what a big
ohance Orator Geoege Augustus lost of
coming out strong in opposition, and astonish-
ing the Pen-and-Inkorporated ones with a
few stirring remarks, in his most genial vein,
on the brotherhood of Authors, and their ap-
preciation of distinguished services in the
field of Literature. It was an opportunity,
too, for suggesting " Re-distribution of
Seats."

TO MRS. H. M. STANLEY.

The merry bells do naught but ring,
The streets are gay with flag and pen-
nant,

The birds more sweetly seem to sing—
A Heart to Let has found a Tknnakt !

No more will Henry Morton roam,

Nor from your charms away for long go,

But, honeymooning here at home,
Forget he ever taw the Congo!

To Oxford 'twas your husband went—

The stately home of Don and Proctor—
Where, 'mid the deafening oheers that rtnt

The air, he straight became a Doctor.
As one whose valour none can shake,

"We've sung him in a thousand ditties,
And freedoms too we've made him take

Of goodness knows how many cities!

Yet while to honour and to praise

With one another we've been vying,
Has he not told us for the days

Of rest to come he ne'er ceased sighing ?
And when, with pomp of high degree,

Your marriage vows and troth you
plighted,
Why, everyone was glad to see

Art and Adventure thus united!

" To those about to Marry—Don't! "

So Mr. Punch did once advise us.
Spread the advice ? I'm sure you won't.

A course which hardly need surprise us.
0 lovely wife of one we think

Above all others brave and manly,
We clink our glasses as we drink

Long life and health to Mrs. Stanley !