Punch (99.1890)

July 19, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 29

THE OPERA-GOER'S DIARY.

Monday.—Les Huguenots, Great night in consequence of police
strike in Bow Street. Rioting, and Life Guards called out late, just
as they were retiring for the night. Down they came, in regimentals,

in undress, anyhow, to quell the
disturbance. At leaBt, such is the
report inside the house. But in-
convenient to be in two places at
once. Henceforth they ought to
record this incident by having an
extinguisher (typical of going to bed
and also of quelling the row) slung
on to their breast-plates. Extin-
guisher clinking against armour
would make pretty noise. Their
Royal Highnesses the Prince and
Princess of Wales, having come to
enjoy the Opera,remain undisturbed,
and leave in perfect tranquillity.
Excellent example to perturbed au-
dience. Excitementwithinthehou8e.
Detjbiolantjs, Earl de Gbey, Mr.
Higgles, and other members of the
Organising Operatic Committee, ready to charge the mob at a moment's
notice, to charge up to two guineas a stall, if necessary. Not neces-
sary, however. Calls for the Sheriff-elect. Deueiolantjs, not having
the official costume ready, cannot appear in it, but uses his authority
and his persuasive powers in clearing lobbies, saloons, and hall. At
any moment he is ready to march out with all the Huguenot soldiers
and charge the rioters. Peace restored about midnight, Household
troops sent home to bed, and constables decided to strike only on the
heads of roughs, rowdies, and burglars. This shows how useful it is to
have a Sheriff on the premises. At Her Majesty's last winter they
had. the nearest approach to it, that is, Sheriff's officers on the pre-
mises. But this is not precisely the same thing, as Sheriff's officers
wear no uniform, and not being permitted to go out of a house when
once it is given into their custody, they, however valiant, are of no
use in a crowd.

Tuesday.—Lohengrin. Regardless of rioters, their Royal High-
nesses again here. Much cheered outside on driving away. Yet
crowd in Strand (so we hear) not particularly good-tempered, and
have wrecked a private brougham or two. No effect on Opera,
which goes as well as ever. Rumours that the player of the grosse
caisse has struck at rehearsal are confirmed, he appears in his place
and strikes again, so does the Shakspearian performer "Cymbaline."

Wednesday.—Don Giovanni. Zelle de Lussan as Zerlina, very
popular. Still a little too like Carmen in appearance. Lassalle
can't be bettered. Great night everywhere. Mile. Melba and Mr.
Edouabd de Reszke taking a little holiday at a concert in Grosvenor
Square, where also are Madame Patey and another Edwabd yclept
Lloyd, whom Hebe Ganz accompanies with his " Sons of Tubal
Cain"—no political allusion to the recent Barrow Election. Opera
comparatively full. Some habitues look in to see how everything's
going on, then go on themselves to Reception in Piccadilly, At
Homes elsewhere, M. P. O.'s Smoking Concert, and various other
entertainments. Society winding itself up brilliantly. "Rebellion's
dead! and now we'11 go to supper." And so we do. " Again we
come to the Savoy! "

Thursday.—Lucia off-night, but everything and everybody
" going on " as usual. H.RJB. again at Opera.

Friday.—La Favorita. Breathing time before the great Operatic
event of week to-morrow night.

Saturday.—Esmeralda. Too late at last moment to say anything
on this splendid subject, save that the Composer was deservedly
greeted with a storm—of applause!

PURELY A MATTER OF BISLEYNESS.

Peivate R. Van Winkle opened his eyes, and, taking up his
rusty rifle, marched towards the new ranges.

"Dear me!" said he, gazing with amazement at his surround-
ings, " this is not at all like what I saw when I went to sleep."

No, Rn>, it is not," replied Mr. Punch, who happened to be in
the neighbourhood. He had been watching his sweetest Princess
making a bull's-eye at the opening ceremony.

"Why, it is twice as large as Wimbledon," continued the
astounded warrior.

" You are well within the limit." the Sage assented, " and see,
there is plenty of space. No fear of damaging any of the tenants of
Geobge Ranges in this part of the country."

"No, indeed!" exclaimed Private Van Winkle. "Not that I
think His Royal Highness had much cause of complaint. The truth
is-"

"Let bygones be bygones," interrupted Mr. Punch, "Geoege
Rangee is no longer your landlord, except, in a certain sense, repre-

senting the interests of the Regular Army, and I shall keep my eye
upon him in that capacity."

" An entirely satisfactory arrangement. But where are the fancy
tents, and the luncheon parties, and all the etceteras that used to be
so pleasant at Wimbledon ?"

"Disappeared," returned Mr, Punch, firmly. "Bisley is to be
more like Shoeburyness (where the Artillery set an excellent example
to the Infantry) than the Surrey saturnalia."

" And is it to be all work and no play ? "

" That will be the general idea. Of course, in the evening, when
nothing better can be done, there will be harmonic meetings round
the camp-fires. But while light lasts, the crack of the rifle and the
ping of the bullet will be heard in all directions, vice the pop of
champagne corks superseded. And if you don't like the prospeot,
my dear Rip, you had. better go to sleep again."

But Private Van Winkle remained awake—to his best interests!

ROBERT ON MATRIMONY.

Well, we're jest about going it, at the reel " Grand Hotel," we
are. We had jest about the werry lovliest wedding here, larst week,
as I ewer seed, ewen with my great xperiense. Such a collekshun
of brave - looking men and reel handsum
women as seldom meets together xcept on these
most hintresting occashuns. And as good luok
wood have it, jest as we was in the werry wirl
and xcitement of it all, who should come in to
lunch but the same emminent yung Swell as
cum about a munth ago. And he had jest the
same helegant but simple lunch as before,
with a bottle of the same splendid Champane,
as before, and he didn't harf finish it, as
before, and not a drop of what he left was
wasted, as before; and so, when he paid me
his little account, he arsked me if many of
the werry bewtifool ladies, as I had told him
of when he came larst, had been to the " Grand" lately, so the bold

thort seized me, and I says to him, "Yes, your--, there's

jest a nice few of 'em here now, and if you will kindly foller me up
to our bewtifool Libery, and will keep your eyes quite wide open as
you gos along, you will see jest about a hole room full of 'em.

So I took him parst the grand room in whioh the Wedding Gests
was assembled, and there sure enuff, he seed such a collection of

smiling bewty, as ewidently made a great impression on his--'s

Art, and one speshally lovely Bridesmade gave him a look, as he passed
by, as ewidently went rite thro it. I scarcely xpecs to be bleeved

wen I says, as his--'s eheeks quite blusht with hadmira-

shun, and he turned round to me and says, says he, "Ah, Mr. Robeet,
if there was many such reel lovely angels as that a flying about, I
rayther thinks as 1 shood be perswaded to turn a Bennediotus myself."
I didn't at all know what he meant, but I thort as it was werry
credittable to him. We got quite a chatting arterwards in the
Libery, of course I don't mean to say as I forgot for a moment the
strornary difference atween us, but he had werry ewidently been
werry much struck by the lovely Bridesmade, for he says, "Mr.
Robeet," says he, " what's about the rite time for a man to marry ? "

Of course I was reglar staggered, but I pulls myself together, and
I says, without not no hesitashun, "Jest a leetle under 30, your

--, for the Gent, and jest a leetle over 20 for the Lady, and

then the Gent gits just about 10 years advantage, which I thinks as
he's well entitled to." At which he larf s quite hartily, and he says,
" Why that wood keep me single for another ten years—but I will
think it over; " and, strange to say, jest as we passed again by the
room as the Bridal party was in, the same lovely Bridesmade
happend to be near the door, so they coud both have a good look at
each other, and a hansum cupple they was, if ever I seed one. And

when his--wished me good day, which he did. quite in a

frendly way, he added, with his most bewtifool smile, "Ten years.
Me. Robeet, seems a long time to wait for such a sweet angel
as that!" ....

Ah, it's a rum world as we all lives in, and m nothink muoh
rummer than in the wunderfoolpower of a bewtifool face, ah, and as
sumbody says, for Wheel or for Wo, jest as it appens, more's the pitty.

I rayther thinks, as I gathers from the tork of the many yung
swells as we has dining here, that they are not altogether what I
shoud call a marrying race; they seems to think as there's allers
plenty of time for that sollem seremony when they 're a good deal
older.

Ah, of course it isn't for a poor old Hed Waiter to presume to
adwise young and hemenent swells, but my xperiense of uman life
teaches me, a3 the werry werry appiest time of a man's life is from
30 to about 40, perwided as he has been lucky enuff to secure for
hisself a yung, bewtifool, good-tempered, helegant, and ercomplished
Bride, to, as the Poet says, harve his sorrows, and dubble his joys.

robeex.