Punch (99.1890)

33

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVARI.

[Jdlt 26, 1890,

PUNCH TO PRIMROSE.

" A good one to follow, a tad

one to beat! "
Don't envy the man who suc-
ceeds to your seat, [man.
My clever ex-L. C. C. Chair-
Fanatics and faddists will mar

the best schemes,
Unless they 're restrainedfrom
unholy extremes
By the hand of a strong and
a fair man.

Your lubber, when first he

adventures on wheels.
Has little control of his head

or his heels.
With knees on the shake,

and arms shrinking,
He scrambles about on the

slippery floor,
Like a toper at large, or a mad

semaphore, rinkirjg.
Half wishing he hadn't gone

But, guided discreetly, sup-
pjrted at need,

The clumsiest novice at last
maysuccted, [controlling;
His knees and his elbows

And you, my dear Primrose,
have played such a part.

You have given your promis-
ing pupil a start,
And—to to speak—set the
wheels rolling.

He ought to do now; let us

hope that he will.
The thanks mainly due to your

judgment and skill
Mr. Punch, for the Public,

here offers, [novices are ;
The boy's a bit clumsy,—most
But, give him fair play, and

he ma3T prove a " star,"
In spite of the sneerers and

scoffers.

OFF DUTY.

Punch [to Primrose). "You've shown bim the Eight "Way to bo it.
He ought to be able to get alo^g now."

ON WITH THE NEW LOVE.

{Mr. Punch to His Boys at Bisley.)

Well, here yon are, my bonny

boys 1 [parting
No doubt you felt regret at
With well-known Wimble-

donian joys.
But here you look all right,

at starting.
You' ve not been quite deranged

by Ranger ;
Of that there never was much

danger.

Small thanks to him ! Well,

well, perhaps;
But never mind. Anger's

too grisly [chaps;

To be long held by such smart
And you can make Balls'-

eyes at Bisley;
And " sheeps'-eyes" seem to

show you're " on
With that New Love "—New

Wimbledon!

'Tis Juliet now—not Rosaline ;
Well, Romeo, take my
benediction. [line.

The Maid is fair, her dwelling
And here you need not fear
" Eviction."

" Disturbance " caused some
indignation,

But, after all, there's "Com-
pensation."

Your New Love's fair, furze-
garmented,
And brightly crowned with
golden bracken.

Your loyalty of heartand head,
Of love (and lead) I'm sure
won't slacken.

'' Bless ye, my children! May
your New Love [love!

Be firm and lasting as 'tis true

THE PKOFESSIONAL GUEST.

ON A HOUSE-BOAT AT HENLEY.
Dear Mr. Punch,

When I received a wire from an old and dear school-friend,
saying, " Lucr disappointed; come for week; wire me, Goldfields,
Henley—Kitty," I felt that the Art which I had been so assiduously

cultivating for some time
past was to be putinprac-
' tice at last. I had long
decided that there was a
grand opening for girls (the
true unemployed) in the
■ idea, and I had determined
to make a good thing out of
it myself. Kitty's telegram
was somewhat vague, I
admit; but gossip haying
thrown a side-light on it, I
knew that it came from
Henley, where she and her
husband (whom I had never yet seen) had a House-boat for the
Regatta week. To answer in the affirmative, pack my box, and catch
the next train to Henley, was small work to a " Professional Guest."

When I arrived, I walked straight out of the station to the nearest
wharf, and, chartering a punt, had my luggage and myself placed
on board, and then told the small boy, who " manned" the craft, to
take me to the Goldfields. I was not too well pleased when he
threw doubts, not only on her whereabouts, but on her existence.
Neither the tmill boy nor a big man, nor an old woman standing by,
knew anything abont it; and I had determined to take the next
train to Town, when a flannel-clad young man, with a heavy face
and a peevish voice, called out from the bank, " I've been looking
for you everywhere.'] It proved to be Kitty's husband, but, as we
were totally unacquainted with each other's appearances, it was not
wonderful that his search for me had been ineffectual. He seemed
much annoyed, however, and only vouchsafed one remark as we

funted, or, rather, waltzed (for the small boy was a "dry bob,"
think), down stream towards the Goldfields. "It's all
Kitty's fault,—Lucy's come." Of course this was awkward, but,
on arrival, Kitty was so hospitable, and Lucr so pretty, that,
though our sleeping and dressing apartment was astonishingly small,
and I made the odd girl out at dinner, I felt I could not mind much,
and I also got over the little contretemps of my dressing-bag being
dropped into the river—" by accident," said Kitty's husband.

Owing to the heat and the unaccustomed noise of the river, neither
Lucr nor I slept much; and, though we were told next morning we
could not have any baths, the whole scene was so bright and sparkling
that nobody (except Kitty's husband, who seemed of a morose dispo-
sition) could with reason have complained of anything. It continued
to sparkle till the first train came down from town, when our guests
and the rain arrived together. It was a dreadful nuisance, as the
awning, which, with the flowers, had cost us hours to arrange,
speedily got soaked, and had to be taken down. Then, of course,
the sun came out again, and for a time the heat was intense. In fact,
one lady, who would eat her lunch on the roof, grew quite faint, and
had to be helped down to Kitty's husband's room. After lunch, we
all ventured out in various small craft, and again I was unlucky in
my waterman. I was sure he had never punted before, and it
proved to be so; for when I asked him if he had had much practice
this season, he answered, the while he wrung the water from his
garments, that "he'd only seen it done, and it looked easy." We
managed, however, by dint of banging on to other people's boats, to
get along very well, until an ill-judged " shove" sent us right out
into the course, j ast as the race of the day was coming along. I am
not quite clear as to what then took place ; only I know that every-
thing was "fouled." Kitty's husband, who had a bet on, was
furious, and glared at me for the rest of the day—a condition of
things 1 pretended not to see. That night we had a rat-hunt on
board, but we lost the animal, as Lucy diverted our attention by
falling into the river. It was most inoonvenient of her, as she wetted
our mutual sleeping apartment dreadfully.

The second day was almost a replica of the first, varied only by
Kitty's husband fancying he had a sunstroke. The third and last