Punch (99.1890)

42

[July 26, 1890,

SERIOUS BALL-ROOM FLIRTATIONS.

Lord Algernon. "I can safely recommend our Tussore Silks, Mrs. Green. Wox't you give them a Trial? Wk allow
a Discount of Fifteen per Cent, for Cash, tot/ know."

Sir Reginald. "Now do let me send you a Couple of Dozen of our extra dry Champagne at Seventy-two Shillings,
dear Lady Midas. I'm sure Sir Gorqius will like it."

Captain de la Vere de Vere. "Oh, if I could but induce you to get your Husband to insure his Life in our Office,
Mrs. Van Tronck !—the Bonuses are quite kxceftional."

" TOO MANY COOKS--! "

A Bret-Rarteish Ballad.
Moral Bill Buttons sings:—

I beside at Greenlands (Henley), and my name is Moral Bill ;
I'ma model of well-meaning, which makes up for want of skill;
And I'll tell, in simple language, what I know about the shine
Which demoralised pur kitchen, and which bust up our Big Dine.

But first I would remark that it is not a prudent plan

For any culinary gent to flout his fellow-man ;

And, if a oolleague can't agree with his peculiar whim,

To wait on that same colleague, and trip up the heels of him.

Now nothing could be nicer, or more beautiful to see.
Than the first three yeaTs' proceedings of our Cooks (and we had
Till Joachim (of Goshen) made a dish (of devilled bones), [three),
"Which he flaunted in the face of Arthur B. with swelling tones.

Then Arthur made an enlrie; he constructed it with care,
And he vowed that e'en Apicius would have owned it rich and rare.
And when Joachim protested that " soup first" was a fixed rule,
Arthur B. insinuated that his colleague was a mule.

And then he smiled a languid smile ; sneering was Arthur's fault,
And he had one squirmy snigger which was worse than an assault.
He was a most sarcastic man, this languid Arthur B.,
And he aimed at being Chef, which Joktm said was fiddlededee.

Now I hold it's not the duty of a culinary gent
To say his colleague is a Moke—at least to all intent;
Nor should xhe individual who happens to be meant
Reply by chucking orockery to any great extent.

Then Number Three Cook tried to raise an ill-done roti, when
He tripped o'er Arthur's heels, and fell upon his abdomen ;
And presently the various plats were mingled on the fl« or;
And the subsequent proceedings let us draw a curtain o'er.

For in less time than I write it every Cooky dropped his dish,
And our menu was as mucked as our worst enemy could wish;
And the way those Cookies chivied in their anger was a sin,
And the only dinner left 'em was the cheese—which J took in.

And this is all I have to say concerning this sad spill;
For I live at Greenlands (Henley), and my name is Moral Bill ;
And I've told in simple language all I know about the shine
That demoralised our kitchen, and upset the year's Big Dine!

A SWEET HOME FOR NANCY.

Dear Mr. Punch,—The other evening-, wishing to enjoy a little
music, I went to the Lyric Theatrp, and found that the opera chosen
for performance was called Sweet Nancy, founded upon a novel
with some similar title by Miss Rhoda Broushton. The prettiebt
tune I heard was one that I fancy had been played before, and my
belief is the stronger as Mr. Henry Neville referred to it as "a
dear old song." It had to do with " Darby and Joan" and
reminded me of j. L. Molloy's deliahtful song with that title. The
rest of the music was not very striking. Even to those who hold
that the plot of an Opera is only of secondary importance, _ Siveet
Nancy could not have appeared to be exactly teeming with incidents.
However, it was very nicely played by Miss Hughes, and that now
mature Lancashire Lad, the aforesaid Henry Neville. "Without
declaring that I should like to see it every evening for a thousand
years (whioh I believe is a facon de parler even in China), I
certainly could sit it out again. If I wished to be a fault-finder I
should say that the piece is too long, and seems all the longer because
some of the characters are supposed to represent schoolboys, and a
girl of thirteen. The adapter is Mr. Buchanan—a poet and a play-
wright. This gentleman, I believe, has made many other pieces
(more or less) his own, with (more or less) success. He seems to have
a knaok of turning old plays into new ones. I live in hope that
when I next visit this great Metropolis I shall find that he has
re-written the School for Scandal, and brought Samlet up to date.

Tours always, A Critic prom the Country.