Punch (99.1890)

AuarsT 9, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 63

METROPOLITAN METAMORPHOSIS.

The Awful Result of Persistent " Crawling."

THE DYING SWAN.

(Latest Version, a long way after the Laureate.)

"Thames 'Swan Upping.'—The Quefn's
swanherd and the officials of the Dyers' and Vint-
ners' Companies arrived at Windsor yesterday on
tlnir annual' swan-upping' visit, for ttie purpose
of marking or 'nicking' the swans and cygnets
belonging to Hsk. Majesty, and the Compauies
interested in the preservation of the birds that
haunt the stream between London and Henley. It
is said that the Thames swans are steadily de-
creasing owir g to the traffic on the upper reaches
of the river, and other causes detrimental to their
breeding."—The' Times.

L

July was wet,—a thing not rare—
With sodden ground and chilly air;
The sky presented everywhere

A low-pitched ro' f of doleful grey;
With a rain-flusht flood the river ran;
Adown it floated a dying Swan,

And loudly did lament.
It was the middle of the day,

,? ".Swanherd" and his men went on,

" Nicking " the cygnets as they went.

n.

The " Swanherd " showed a blue-peaked nose,
And white against the cold white sky
Shone many a face of those

Who o'er the upper reaches swept,
On swans and cygnets keeping an eye.
Dyers and Vintners, portly, mellow

Chasing the birda of the'jetty bill

Through the reed clusters green and still;

And through the o-ier mazes crept
Many a cap-feathered crook-armed fellow,
in.

The lone Swan's requiem smote the soul
With the reverse of joy.
It spake of sorrow, of outfalls queer,
Dyeing the floods once full and clear ;
Of launches wildly galumphing by.
Washing the banks into hollow and hole;
Sometimes afar, and sometimes a-near.
All-marring 'Aury's exuberant voice,
With music strange and manifold.
Howling out choruses loud and hold
As when Bank-holidayites rejoice
With concertinas, and the many-holed
Shrill whistle of tin, till the riot is rolled •
Through shy backwaters, where swan-nests
are;

And greasy scraps of the Echo or Star,
Waifs from the oads' oleaginous feeds,
Emitting odours reekingly rank,
Drift under the clumps of the water-weeds,
And broken bottles invade the reeds,

And the wavy swell of the many-barged tug
Breaks, and befouls the green Thames' bank.
And the steady decrease of the snow-plumed
throng

That sail the upper Thames reaches among,
Was prophesied in that plaintive song.

DOING IT CHEAPLY.

A ee-action against the extravagance
which marked the entertainments of the
London Season of 1890 having set in, the fol-
lowing rules and regulations will be observed
in the Metropolis until further notice.

1. Persons invited to dinner parties will be
expected to furnish their own plate and linen,
and some of the viands and wines to be used
at the feast.

2. To carry out the above, a menu of the
proposed meal will form a part of every card
of invitation, which will run as follows:—

"Mr. and Mrs. - request the honour of

Mr. and Mrs.-'s company to dinner, on

-when they will kindly bring with them

enough for twelve persons of the dish marked
- on the accompanying Menu, P.T.O."

3. Persons invited to a Ball will treat the
supper as a pic-nio, to which all the guests
are expected to contribute.

4. On taking leave of a hostess every guest
will slip into her hand a packet containing a
sum of money sufficient to defray his or her
shire of the evening's expenses.

5. Ladies making calls at or about five
o'clock, will bring with them tea, sugar, milk,
pound-cake, cucumber sandwiches, and bread
and butter.

6. As no bands will be furnished at even-
ing parties, guests who oan play will be ex-
pected to bring their musical instruments
with them. N.B. This does not apply to
pianofortes on the premises, for which a small
sum will be charged to those who use them.

7. Should a cotillon be danced, guests will
provide their own presents, which will become
the perquisites of the host and hostess.

8. and lastly. Should the above rules, com-
piled in the interest of leaders of Society, be
insufficient to keep party-givers from appear-
ing in the Court of Bankruptcy, guests who
have partaken of any hospitality will be ex-
pected to contribute a gratuity, to enable the
Official Receiver to deolare a small and final
dividend.

Peechjisites.—" Nioe thing to belong to
National Liberal Club," observed Mr., G., who
didn't dine at that establishment for nothing,
"because, you see, they go in therefor'Perks.'"

"NOBLESSE OBLIGE!"

(Latest Reading.)

Noblbsss oblige ! And what's the obligation,
Read in the light of recerit demonstration ?
A member of our old Nobility "
May be " obliged," at times, to play the spy,
Lay traps for fancied fratify, disenthrall
"Manhood" by "playingfor" a woman's fall;
Rtdeem the wreckage of a " noble " name
By building hope on sin, and joy on shame ;
Redress the work of passion's reckless boldness
By craven afterthoughts of cynic coldness ;
Purge from low taint " the blood of all the

Howabds " [cowards!

By borrowings from the code of cads and
Noblesse oblige f Better crass imbecility
Of oallow youth—with pluck—than such

" nobility " !

Home-ing.—Dr. Baenabdo's delightfully
simple plan of getting a little boy to sign an
affidavit to the effect that he was so happy at
Dr Baenaedo's Home, Sweet Home, and that,
wherever he might wander, there was really
no place on earth like Dr. Baenaedo's Home,
may remind Dickensian students of a some-
what analogous method apparently adopted
by Mr. Squeers, when, on his welcome return
to Dotheboys Hall, he publicly announced
that " he had seen the parents of some boys,
and they 're so glad to hear how their sons
are getting on, that there's no prospeot at all
of their going away, which, of course, is a very
pleasant thing to reflect upon for all parties."
The conduot of such parents or relatives
who send children or permit them to be sent
to Dr. Baenaedo's Home, Sweet Home, where,
at all events, they are well fed and cared for,
bears some resemblance to that of Gray marsh's
maternal aunt, who was "short of money,
but sends a tract instead, and hopes that
Graymarsh will put his trust in Providence,"
and also to that of Mobb's mother-in-law,"
who was so disgusted with her stepson's eon-
duct (for Dickens meant step-mother when he
wrote " mother - in - law "—an odd lapsus
calami never subsequently corrected) that she
" stopped his halfpenny a-week pocket-
money, and had given a double-bladed knife
with a oorkscrew in it to the Missionaries,
which she had bought on purpose for him."
We don't blame Dr. Baenabdo—much; but
we do blame these weak-knee'd parents and
guardians, who apparently don't know their
own minds. In the recent case which was
sarcastically treated by the Judge, Dr. B.
found that he could buy Gould too dear.