Punch (99.1890)

78 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 16, 1890.

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BANK HOLIDAY SPORTS. KISS-IN-THE-RING."

" None but the Fair deserve the Bkave."

THE CLOSE OF THE INNINGS.
Bowler. Over at last!

Wicket-keeper. Humph! Yes, but not " all out I "

Time 'a up! All glad to leave the field, no doubt;

But I'm not satisfied.
Bowler. You never are!

Wicket-keeper. Some thought you, when you joined the team, a star,

Equal, at least, to Spofforth, Ferris, Turner,

Yet sometimes you have bowled like a school-learner.
Boioler. That's most discouraging ! Come now, I say,

You know that every Cricketer has "his day,"

Whilst the best bat or trundler may be stuck.

And, though he try his best, be " out of luck."

Ask W. Or. himself I Early this season

He couldn't score, for no apparent reason.

Now look at him! Almost as good as ever!
Wicket-keeper. Well, ye-e-s! But you were thought so jolly clever.

To me it seems 'tis your idea of Cricket

To smash the wicket-keeper—not the wicket.

Look at my hands! They 're mostly good to cover me ;

With you, by Jingo, I need pads all over me!
Bowltr. Oh, well, you know, fast bowling, with a break,

Not every wicket-keeper's game to take.

You are not quite a Sherwin or a Wood,

Or even a McG-rfgor. You 're no good

At bowling that has real " devil" in it.
Wicket-keeper. The—dickens I am not! Just wait a minute!

I have stood up to G-randolph at his wildest,

You know his pitch and pace ; not quite the mildest,

Scarce equal, certainly, to "demon" Drzzr,

But when he's on the spot he keep3 one busy.

It's not your " devil," Jokim, that I dread ;

That's easy, when you 're " bowling with your head,"

But when you sling them in, as you've done lately,

Swift but not straight, why, then you vex me greatly.

Your pet fast bumpy ones, wide of the wicket,

Perhaps look showy, but they are not Cricket.
Bowler. Oh, bother I You're the crossest of old frumps.

Why, bless you, Smith, I Btood behind the stumps

Long before you put gloves on!
Wicket-keeper. I dare say,

But when we took you in our team to play

'Twas for your bowling. I don't want to scoff
At chance bad luck, but you have not come off!
Now, Balfour doesn't give " no balls" and " wides,"
Or make it hot for knuckles, shins, and sides,
. As you've been doing lately. " Extras " mount
When you are bowling, and your blunders count
To our opponents,—not to mention me.
Although two broken fingers, a bruised knee,
A chin knocked out of shape, and one lost tooth
Are trying little items, to tell truth.
Bowler. Hang it! If you 're so sweet on Arthur B.,

Try him next Season, but don't ehivey

me

[ Goes off huffily.

Wicket-keeper (to Umpire). I take them without flinching, Umpire,
I '11 do my duty to my Team and County [don't I ?

As long as I've a knuckle in its place;
I have not many—look! And see my face I
No, when the game's renewed, Jokim must try
To keep the wicket clearly in his eye,
Not the poor wicket-keeper, or you"'11 see
"Retired, hurt" will be the end of Me!

AN OLD RAILWAY AND A NEW LINE.

At the last General Meeting of the L. C. & D., their Chairman
made one of his best speeches. Prospects were bright, and hearts
were light, just to drop into poetry. SirE. Watktn, alias S. Eastern
Watkin, had some time ago been assured judicially of the fact that
Folkestone meant Folkestone as clearly as Brighton means Brighton,
or Ramsgate means Ramsgate, and the two great Companies were,
it was hoped, soon to come to an agreement and live happily ever
afterwards. Among other plans for the future, the popular and astute
Chairman more than hinted that the day was not far distant when,
in consequence of the increasing patronage bestowed on the im-
proved third-class carriages, the trains of the L. C. & D. Company
would be made up of first and third, and the middle class would
be out of it altogether. This will be a blow to those whose travel-
ling motto has hitherto been " In medio tutissimus ihis." But, on
the other hand, if the second-class be dropped, the L. C. & D. can
adopt the proud motto, " Nulli Secundus." Mr. Punch, Universal
Managing Director, in charge of thousands of lines, wishes them the
benefit of the omen.