Punch (99.1890)

110

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Septembeb 6, 1890.

" Here liea Bismarck—
He made his mark."

A Correspondent writes:
—" I haven't an epitaph
handy about Bishaeck,
but here's one on a bil-
liard-marker, buried, of
course at Kew:—
" ' Kem aou tetigi,' let this
attest,

Now he has gone away for
his long rest."
Yours,

Nil de moetttis."

" P.S.—I'll think over
the Bismakck one, speci-
ally if he offers a prize
of anything over a sove-
reign, as of course it
ought to be, since the
Ex - Chancellor always
went in for an Imperial
policy, which, however,
didn't insure his life.
This is very nearly an
epitaph — praps you '11
arrange it for me."

Another says, "This is
simple: —

"Ci git,
P. B."

Yes, very simple, but
not good enough. Perhaps
our Correspondents will
improve when the amount
of the prize is fixed.

PRIZE EPITAPH.

"A deep impression,"
paid the Standard, last
"Wednesday, "was made
on the hearers" {i.e.,
Prince Bismaeck's audi-
ence at Kissengen)
"when, in reply to a
remark by one of the
guests" (remark and
name of immortal guest
not reported), "the Ex-
Chancellor said,' My only
ambition now is a good
epitaph, I hope and beg
for this.'" May it be long
ere necessity imperatively
demands his epitaph, good
or indifferent, say all of
us. But in the meantime,
and to come to business,
how much will the Ex-
Chancellor give ? Why
not advertise," A prize of

- (we leave it to the

Prince to fiil up the blank)
will be given for the best
epitaph"? With character-
istic modesty, Prince Bis-
makck, as reported, only
asksfor " aigood epitaph."
Why shouldn't he have
the best that money can
buy, and brains e,ell? Cor-
respondents have already
commenced: here are a
few: —

" Beneath this slab the bones
of this great boss are.

Can Ossa Bpeak ? And would
they say ' Canossa ?' "

A would-be Competitor
sends this,—

FANCY PORTRAIT.

" The Phylloxera, a tkue Gourmet, finds out the best Vineyards and
attaches itself to the best wlnes."
(From the " Times," August 27. Adapted by Our Appreciative Artist.)

THE DAMSELS OE DIEPPE;

Or, The Legend of Lionel.

" Newhayen to Dieppe," he cried, but, on the voyage there,
He felt appalling qualms of what the French call mat de mer ;
"While, when the steward was not near, he struck Byronic attitudes,
And made himself most popular by pretty little platitudes.
And, while he wobbled on the waves, be sure they never slep',
"While waiting for their Lionel, the Damsels of Dieppe.

He landed with a jaunty air, but feeling rather weak,
While all the French and English girls cried out, " C'est magni-
fique ! "

They reck'd not of his bilious hue, but murmur'd quite ecstatieal,
"Blue coat, brass buttons, and straw hat, — c'est tout-a-fait
piratical! "

He hadn't got his land-legs, and he walked with faltering step,
But still they thought it comme-il-faut, those Damsels of Dieppe.

The Douane found him circled round by all the fairest fair,

The while he said, in lofty tones, he'd nothing to declare ;

He turned to one girl who stood near, and softly whisper'd, "Fly,

0 Nell !"

But all the others wildly cried, " Give us a chance, 0 Lionel! "
And thus he eime to shore from all the woes of Father Nep.,
"With fatal fascinations for the Damsels of Dieppe.

He went to the Casino, whither mostly people go,

And lost hia tin at baccarat and eke petis chevaux ;

And still the maidens flocked around, and vowed he was amusing 'em,

And harrowed five-franc pieces, just for fear he should be losing'em ;

And then he'd sandwiches and bocks, which brought on bad dy spep-

-sia for Lionel beloved by Damsels of Dieppe.

As bees will swarm around a hive, the maids of La belle France
Went mad about our Lionel and thirsted for his glance ;
In short they were reduced unto a state of used-up coffee lees
By this mild, melancholic, maudlin, mournful Mephistopheles.
He rallied them in French, in which he had the gift of rep-
-artee, and sunnily they smiled, the Damsels of Dieppe.

Found in a Rum Place.
—The Latest Spice dis-
covered in Jamaica—the
Speaker's Mace.

At last one day he had to go; they oame upon the pier;
The French girls sobbed, ,vMon cher.'" and then the English sighed,
"My dear!"

He looked at all the threatening waves, and cried, the while em-
bracing 'em, ['em! "

(I mean the girls, not waves,) " Oh no! I don't feel quite like facing
And all the young things murmured, " Stay, and you will find
sweet rep-

-aration for the folks at home in Damsels of Dieppe."

And day by day, and year by year, whene'er he sought the sea.
The waves were running mountains high, the wind was blowing free.
At last he died, and o'er his bier his sweethearts sang doxology,
And vowed they saw his ghost, which came from dabbling in psy-
chology.

And to this hour that spook is seen upon the pier. If soep-
-tical, ask anoient ladies, once the Damsels of Dieppe.

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.
Electioneeeing.
" The Parti/ which befriends the cause of the Working-Man;" i.e.,
" The Party which (at election-time) rather wishes it had done so."

'' The Party which advocates economy and keeps down taxation;"
i.e., " The Party which likes to make its opponents do the expenditure
onArmy, Navy, &c."

In the Smoking-Room.

"i~ remember, years ago, I used to take exactly the same view
myself;'" i.e., "But, unlike you, I have made some use of my
opportunities and experience since then."

" But there you see you are begging the whole question," or, " My
goodjelloio, you're only arguing in a circle;" i.e., "Rather than
admit that I am wrong, I would begin the argument over again."

" Of course you remember that splendid passage in-;" i.e.,

" Deoided score! Know you haven't ever heard of the book."

Shakspeabe's "deeds" going to America? The "World is the
richer for his words, and certainly to the country of his birth belong
the records of his deeds.