Punch (99.1890)

174

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Ooioshb 11, 18J0.

WAITING FOR THE EXPRESS. (NOUS AVONS CHANGE TOUT CELA.)

FrRST-CiAss Passengers :—Sib Gorgius Midas, Lady Midas, and Gorgius Midas, Esq., Junr.
Second-Class Ditto :—Butlers, Footmen, Grooms, Maids, &c, of the House of Midas.

Third-Class Ditto :—The Hon. and Rev. James and Lady Susan de Verb, General_Sir John and Lady Hautcastle,
F. Madder Lake, Esq., R.A., and Daughters, Professor Parallax, F.E.S., &c, &c, &c.

"HERCULES (COUNTY) CONCILIANS;"

Or, " Approaching" the Sydra,

[The London County Council adopted the Report
nf a Committee: "That the Committee be autho-
rised to enter into tentative negotiations "with the
Water Companies, for the purpose of ascertaining
upon what terms the Companies will be prepared
to dispose of their undertakings to the Council."
The Vice-Chairman (Sir T. Farrer) thought
that the Committee "would be as wax in the
hands of the clever agents of the Companies."
The Chairnun (Sir John Lubbock) was in favour
of deferring the question.]

That Hydra again! Monster huge, hydro-
cephalous,

Haunting our city of blunders and ;ohs,
Born, it would seem, to bewilder and baffle us,

Who '11 give you one " for your numerous
nobs. [you;

Many have menaced you, some had a shy at

Salisbury stout, and bespectacled Caoss,
Each in his season has joined in the cry at you,

Little, 'twould seem, to your damage or loss.
Still you eight-headed and lanky-limbed
monster, you

Sprawl and monopolise, spread and devour.
Many assail you, bat hitherto, none stir you.

Say, has the hero arrived, and the hour ?
No Infant Hercules, surely, can tackle you,

Ancient abortion, with hope of success.
It needeth a true full-grown hero to shackle

Jupiter's son, and Alomene's, no less! [you,
Our civic Hercules smacks of the nursery,

Not three years old, though ambitious, no
doubt;

You '11 scarce be captured by tentatives
cursory. ["spout,"
Snared by a "motion," or scared by a
Hera's pet, offspring of Typhon, the lion-clad

Hero assailed, con amore; but you,
Callous as Behemoth, hard as an iron-clad,
" Conciliation" with coldness will view
Fancy'' approaching " the Hydra with honey-
bait,

Tempting the monster to parley and purr!
How will Monopoly look on a money-bait ?!

Hercules, too, who would " like to defer ? "
Not quite a true bard-shell hero—in attitude—

Hercules (County) Concilians looks ; _
Thinks he to move a true Hydra to gratitude P

Real Leviathan chortles at honks!
"Come, pretty Hydra! 'Agreement pro-
visional,'

Properly baited with sound L. S. D.,
Ought to entice you!" He's scorn and
derision all, [see!

Hydra, if true to his breed. We shall
Just so a groom, with the bridle behind him,

Tempts a free horse with some corn in a
sieve. [him,
Will London's Hydra let "tentatives" blind

Snap at the bait, and the tempter believe ?
Or will the " hero"—in form of Committee—

Really prove wax for the Hydra to mould f
Yes, there's the club, but it's rather a pity

Hercules seems a bit feeble of hold.
Tentative heroes may suit modern urgency,

Lubbock may win where a Hercules fails.
If we now hunt, upon public emergency,

Stymphalian Birds, 'tis with salt for their
tails!

"YE CODS, WHAT A TERRIBLE TWIST!"

Statistics are sweet things, and full of
startling surprises. Like the Frenchman in
"Kiilaloe," "you never know what they'll
be up to next." Here, for instance, is a
" statement showing the decrease in price in
the United States of many articles within
the past ten years largely consumed by the
agricultural community." And among these
"many articles" "largely consumed," are
"mowing machines, barb fence-wire, horse-
shoes, forks, wire-cloth, slop-buckets, wheel-
barrows, and putty." No wonder dyspepsia
is the national disease in America. Fancy
"consuming" French staples, pie-plates
(though they sound almost edible), and
putty! I ! The ostrich is supposed to be
capable of digesting such_ dainties as broken
bottles, and tenpenny nails, but that vora-
cious fowl is evidently not "in it" with the
" Agricultural community" of America.

Odd.—A Correspondent says he found this
advertisement in the Guardian :—

RECTOR of S. Michael's, Lichfield, requires
help of a LAY-READER. Visiting, S.-school,
cottage services, ass. in choir, &c. Good salary.

The explanation, we believe, is, that" ass."
is the abbreviated form of " assisting." The
Rector had better have the unabbreviated
assistant in choir, particularly if he be
already short of choristers ; unless the Rector
should be also Vicar of Bray, in which case
the "ass." could be transferred from Lich-
field to the more appropriate living.