Punch (99.1890)

180

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 11, 1890.

A BACHELOR'S IDYL.

I Air not mamed, but I see

No life so pleasant as my own;
I think it's good for man to be
Alone.

Some marry not who once have been—

A curious process—crossed in love,
Who find a life's experience in
A glove;

Or else will sentimental grow
At recollections of a dance ;
But, luckily for me, I've no

Romance.

Of course I know " love in a cot,"—

The little wife who calls you " hub,"-
But I'm content whilst I have got
My Club.

In some fine way, I don't know how,
Some fool, some idiot, who lacks

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Babon must say a word about Voces
Populi, by F. Anstet, author of the im-
mortal Vice Versa. That the series con-
tained in this
volume appeared
in Mr. Punch's
pages is sufficient
guarantee for the
excellence of its
quality , and more
than this it would
not become the
Baron to say;
but of the illus-
trations by J.
Bebnaed Par-
tridge the Baron
can speak — and
speak in terms of
the highest ad

A tax

A Tax on Bachelors! Ah, well,

If ibis becomes the law's dtcree,
I cheerfully shall pay the L.

S.D.,

Quite happy with my single lot,

Convinced beyond a doubt that life
Is just worth living if you've not
A wife.

(A Little Later.)

I '11 sing exaltedly no more,
But sadly in a minor key
Will tell what fortune had in store
For me.

I rather think, the other day,
That someone asked, "Should wormn
woo P "

I '11 answer that without delay—
They do!

She came—I foolishly was glad—

She took me captive with a glance,
Of course I never really had

A chance.

And when she bent her pretty head

To ask the question, I confess
That what at once with joy I said

Was " Yes."

She says our wedding is to be

On Monday—quite a swell affair.
My wife and I shall hope to see

You there.

" Is this the Hend ? "

The following, headed Scottish Leader,
was sent to us as a quotation: —

" The Duke of Fife has sold the estate of Eden,
near Banff, to Mr. Thomas Adam, Deputy Chair-
man of the Great North of Scotland .Railway
Company."

If the above information be correct, this
transfer of "Eden" to "Adam" looks un-
commonly like " Paradise Regained."

A grain of sense, proposes now A \ W(\WwmA miration of them

as works oi

genuinely artistic

humour. There

are twenty illus-

T , n trations, that is,

The Learned Baron. ^ brac'e of

ridges, if he will allow the Baron so far to
make game of him. The book is published
by Longmans, Green & Co.

The Leadenhall Press has brought out, in
Pocket form, Prince Dorus, by Charles-
Lamb, with nine coloured illustrations, fol-
lowing the original Edition of 1811. The
lines are not very Lamb-like, but the illus-
trations are very quaint, and the Pocket
Volume is a curiosity of literature.

Baron be Book-Worms.

A REALLY VALUABLE SUGGESTION.

(To the Editor of Punch.)

Deab Sib,—As the conductor of the recog-
nised organ of the legal profession, 1 have
the honour to address you. My learned and
accomplished friend, Mr. Montagu Wil-
liams, Q.C., complained the other day that
there was a right of appeal from the Police
Court to the Bench of Middlesex Magistrates.
He said that his colleagues were barristers,
and gentlemen of considerable eminence, and
in those characters were better able to decide
upon the merits of a case than the persons who
compose the Tribunal to which appeal from
their decision is permissible. I have not re-
cently looked through the list of Metropolitan
Police Magistrates, but, if they have been
chosen from the ranks of literature and law,
as they were thirty years ago, I can well un-
derstand that they are an exceedingly capable
body of men. That so accomplished a littera-
teur and admirable an advocate as my friend
Mr. Montagu Williams himself should have
been raised to the Magisterial bench, is a
proof that the standard has been maintained.
But, Sir. can nothing be done.for the other
tribunal?

Would it not be possible to appoint a
certain proportion of stipendiaries, with ample
salaries, to that body ? What is wanted are
men with a perfect knowledge of the law,
and a large experience of the adversities as
well as the pleasures of life. If they occa-
sionally dabble in literature, so much the
better. But, it may be said, where are such
men to be found ? I answer, in very many
places, and, to encourage the authorities in
cheir search, shall be most happy to personally
head the list. yours, very faithfully,
(Signed) A. Briefless, Junior.

Pump-handle Court, Oct. ith, 1890.

THE GROAN OF THE GUSHLESS.

(A Song d la Shenstone.)

["What is described as an Anti-Gush Society
has, according to a Pittsburg paper, been formed in
New York, its object being to check the growing
tendency, especially noticeable among young people
of the period, to express themselves in exaggerated
language."]

Girl Member of the A. G. S. log. .—

Ye maidens, so cheerful and gay, t

Whose words ever fulsomely fall,
Oh, pity your friend, who to-day

Has become a Society's thrall.
Allow me to muse and to sigh,

Nor talk of the change that ye find;
None once was more happy than I;

But, alas! I've left Gushing behind I

Now I know what it is to have strove *

With the tortures of verbal desire.
I must use measured terms, where I live,

And be moderate, when I admire.|
No slang must my diction adorn,

I must never say " awfully swell."
Alas ! I feel flat and forlorn,

I have bidden Girl-Gushing farewell!

Since I put down my name in that book

I have never called bonnets " divine,"
For our Sec. with a soul-shaking look.

Would be down on your friend with a fine.
So the milliners now I pass by;

Though dearly they pleased me of yore;
If a girl musn't gush, squirm, and sigh,

Even shopping becomes quite a bore.

For " gorgeousI lan-
guiih in vain,
And I pine for a
"love"—and a
"dear.'/
Oh! why did I vow to
be plain-
In my speech? It
sounds awfully
queer!
Stop! " Awfully" is
not allowed,
Though it will slip
out sometimes, I
Oh, I might as well sit in my shroud, [own.
As use moderate language alone.

To force us fair nymphs to forego

The hyperbole dear to our heart,
And the slang without which speech" is
"slow,"

Is to make us a "people apart."
Oh, to say (without fines) '' quite too-too! "

For dear " awfully jolly " I yearn.
I would "chuck" all my friends, sweet—
save you—

To the pathways of Gush to return.

Eh? " Chuck" did I say? That is Slang!

And " Sweet f " That's decidedly Gush!
Oh, let the A. G. S. go hang!

My old love returns with a rush.
It is "gorgeous" once more to be free,

O'er a frock or a first night to glow.
Come to-morrow! Go shopping with me, '

Ownest own—and we '11 gush as we go!

* Shenstone, not Mr. Punch, is responsible
for the peccaut participle.

The Modeen Nelson Motto. — At the
Church Congress, Lord Nelson expressed a
strong desire for the union of Dissenters with
Churchmen. If his Lordship's reading of
the old Nelsonian motto is " England expects
that every clergyman (Dissenter or Church-
man) should do somebody else's duty," then
England will have to wait a considerable time
for the Utopian realisation of this pious wish.

NOTICE.—Bejected Communications or Contributions, whether H8., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, wdll
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed" Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper, Xo thia rule
there will be no exception.