Punch (99.1890)

October 25, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARI. 201

WANTED—A SOCIETY FOR THE PROTECTION OF "CELEBRITIES."

"When some years ago Edmundus Ed. Mxjntji first introduced to
London the gentle art of Interviewing, the idea was in a general way
a novelty in this country. It "caught on," and achieved success.
Some public men affected, privately, not to like the extra publicity
given to their words and
actions; but it was only an
affectation, and in a general
way a great many suddenly
found themselves dubbed
"Celebrities," hall-marked
as such by The World, and
able therefore to hand them-
selves down to posterity, in
bound volumes containing m
this one invaluable number, w*
as having been recognised
by the world at large as
undoubted Celebrities, igno-
rance of whose existence
would argue utter social
insignificance. So great
was the World's success in
this particular line, that at
once there sprang up a host
of imitators, and the Cele-
brities were again tempted
to make themselves still
more oelebrated by having
good-natured caricatures of themselves made by " Ape " and " Spy.'
After this, the deluge, of biographies, autobiographies, interview-
ings, photographic realities, portraits plain and coloured—many of
them uncommonly plain, and some of them wonderfully ooloured,
—until a Celebrity who has not been done and served up, with or
without a plate, is a Celebrity indeed.

"Celebrities" have hitherto been valuable to the interviewer,
photographer, and proprietor of a Magazine in due proportion. Is it
not high time that the Celebrities themselves have a slice or two out
of the cake ? If they consent to sit as models to the interviewer
and photographer, let them price their own time. The Baron offers
a model of correspondence on both sides, and, if his example is
followed, up goes the price of "Celebrities," and, consequently, of
interviewed and interviewers, there will be only a survival of the
fittest.

From A. Sophie Soper to the Baron de Book- Worms.

See,—Messrs. Toweb, Fondles, Tbottin. & Co., are engaged in
bringing out a series of the leading Literary, Dramatic and Artistic
Notabilities of the present day, and feeling that the work which
has_ now reached its hundred-and-second number, would indeed
be incomplete did it not include your name, the above-mentioned
firm has commissioned me to request you to accord me an inter-
view as soon as possible. I propose bringing with me an eminent
photographer, and also an artist who will make a sketch of your
feurroundings, and so contribute towards producing a complete
picture which cannot fail to interest and delight the thousands at
home and abroad, to whom your name is as a household word, and
who will be delighted to possess a portrait of one whose works have
given them so_ much pleasure, and to obtain a closer and more
intimate acquaintance with the modus operandi pursued by one of
their most favourite authors. I remain, Sir, yours truly,

A. Sophte Sopee.

To the Baeon be Book-Woems, Vermoulen Lodge.

From the Baron de Book- Worms to A. Sophte Soper, Esq.

Deae Sib,—Thanks. I quite appreciate your appreciation. My
terms for an article in a Magazine, are twenty guineas the first
hour, ten guineas the second, and so on. For dinner-table anecdotes,
the property in which once made public is lost for ever to the
originator, special terms. As to photographs, I will sign every copy,
and take twopence on every copy. I'm a little pressed for time
now, so if you can manage it, we will defer the visit for a week or
two, and then I'm your man. Tours truly,

Baeon de Book-Wobms.
Mr. A. Sophte Soper to the Baron de Book- Worms.
My Deae Babon, — I'm afraid I didn't quite make myself
understood. I did not ask you to write the article, being com-
missioned by the firm to do it myself. _ The photographs will not be
sold apart from the Magazine. Awaiting your favourable response,—
I am, Sir, Yours, A. Sophte Sopeb.
From the Baron to A. Sophte Soper.
Deae Sib,—I quite understood. With the generous view of doing
me a good turn by giving me the almost inestimable advantage
of advertising myself in Messrs. Toweb & Co.'s widely-circulated

Magazine, you propose to interview me, and receive from me such
orally given information as you may require concerning my life,
history, work, and everything about myself which, in your opinion,
would interest the readers of this Magazine. I quite appreciate all
this. You propose to write the article, and I'm to find you the materials
for it. Good. I don't venture to put any price on the admirable work
whioh your talent will produce,—that' s for you and your publishers to
settle between you, and, as a matter of fact, it has been already settled,
as you are in their employ. But I can put a price on my own, and
I do. I collaborate with you in furnishing all the materials of
which you are in need. Soit. For the use of my Pegasus, no matter
what its breed, ana, as it isn't a gift-horse, but a hired one, you can
examine its mouth and legs critically whenever you are going to
mount and guide it at your own sweet will, I charge twenty guineas
for the first hour, and ten for the second. It may be dear, or it may
be cheap. That's not my affair. C'est d laisser ou d prendre.

The Magazine in which the article is to appear is not given away
with a pound of tea, or anything of that sort I presume, so that
your strictly honourable and business-like firm of employers, and you
also, Sir, in the regular course of your relations with them, intend
making something out of me, more or less, but something, while I
get nothing at all for my time, which is decidedly as valuable to me
as, I presume, is yours to you. "What have your publishers ever
done for me that 1 should give them my work for nothing ? Time
is money; why should I make Messrs. Toweb, Fondeeb & Co. a
present of twenty pounds, or, for the matter of that, even ten shillings ?
If I misapprehend the situation, and you are doing your work gratis
and for the love of the thing, then that is pour affair, not mine: I'm
glad to hear it, and regret my inability to join you in the luxury of
giving away what it is an imperative necessity of my existence to sell
at the best price I can. Do you honestly imagine, Sir, that my literary
position will be one farthing's-worth improved by a memoir and a
portrait of me appearing in your widely-circulated journal ? If you
do, I don't; and I prefer to be paid for my work, whether I dictate
the material to a scribe, who is to serve it up in his own fashion, or
whether I write it myself. And now I come to consider it, I should
be inclined to make an additional charge for not writing it myself.
Not to take you and your worthy firm of employers by surprise, I will
make out beforehand a surjposititious bill, and then Messrs. Toweb
& Co. can close with my offer or not, as they please. £_ S-

To preparing {in special costume) to receive Interviewer,

for putting aside letters, refusing to see tradesmen, &e. 3 0 0
To receiving Interviewer, Photographer, and Artist, and

talking about nothing in particular for ten minutes .500
To cigars and light refreshments all round .... 10 6
To giving an account of my life and works generally (this

being the article itself)....... 20 0 0

To showing photographs, books, pictures, playbills, and

various curios in my collection.....5 0 0

To being photographed in several attitudes in the back

garden three times, and incurring the danger of catching

a severe cold.........300

(»% On the condition that I should sign all photos sold,

inspect books, and receive 10 per cent, of gross receipts.)
To allowing black-and-white Artist to make a sketch of my

study, also of myself . , . . . . .000
(„% On the condition that only this one picture is to

be done, and that if sold separately, I must receive 10 per

cent, of such sale.)
Luncheon, with champagne for the lot, at 15s. per head ,250

Cigars and liqueurs.........0 10 0

For time occupied at luncheon in giving further details of

my life and history........10 0 0

Total . . . £49 5 6
The refreshments are entirely optional, and therefore can be struck
out beforehand.

Pray show the above to the eminent firm which has the advantage
of your zealous services, and believe me to remain

Your most sincerely obliged Baeon de Book-Wobms.

To the above a reply may be expected, and, if received, it will
probably be in a different tone from Mr. Sophte Sopeb's previous
communications. No matter. There's an end of it. The Baron's
advice to all " Celebrities," when asked to permit themselves to be
interviewed, is, in the language of the poet,—
"Charge, Cheater, charge ! "

then they will have benefited other Celebrities all round, and the result
will be that either only those authors will be interviewed who are
worth the price of interviewing, or the professional biographical com-
pilers will nave to hunt up nobodies, dress up jays as peacocks, and so
bring the legitimate business of " Interviewing " into well-deserved
contempt.______

Two Men in a Boat. By Messrs. Dillon and O'Belen.