Punch (99.1890)

Novbmbbb 22, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

243

The Facetious Bidder [after
a scrutiny). Then it may as
well mention, while it's about
it, that it's got a bit out of its
hack!

Auct. Flaw in the marble,
that's all. (To Assist.) No-
thing the matter with the
column, is there ?

Assist, (with reluctant can-
dour). Well, it 'as got a little
chipped, Sir.

Auct. (easily). Oh, very well
then, we'll sell it "A.F."
Very glad it was found out in
time, I'm sure.

[Bidding proceeds.

First Dealer to Second (in
a husky whisper). Talkin' o'
Old Masters, I put young
'Anway up to a good thing
the other day.

Second D. (without surprise
—probably from a knowledge
of his friend's noble, unselfish
nature). Ah—'ow was that ?

First D. "Well, there was a
picter as I 'appened to know
could be got in for a deal under
what it ought—in good 'ands,
mind yer—to fetch. It was a
Morlan'—leastwise, it was so
like you couldn't ha' told the
difference, if you understand
my meanin'. (The other nods
with complete intelligence.)
Well, I 'adn't no openin' for
it myself just then, so I sez
to young 'Anway, "You
might do worse than go and
'ave a look at it," I tola him.
And I run against him yes-
terday, Wardour Street way,
and I sez, " Did yer go and
see that picter P " " Yes," sez
he, " and what's more, I got
it at pretty much my own
figger,too!" " Well," sez I,
"and ain't yer goin' to shake
'ands with me over it f "

Second D. (interested). And did he ?

First D. Yes, he did—he beyaved very fair over the matter, I
will say that for him.

Second D. Oh, 'Anway.'s a very decent little feller—now.

Auct. (hopefully). Now, Gentlemen, this next lot'11 tempt you,
I'm Bure! Lot 33, a magnifioent and very finely executed dramatic
group out of the " Merchant of Venice," Othello in the act of
smothering Desdemona, both nearly life-size. (Assist., with a
sardonic inflection. "Group 'ere, Gen'lm'n.'") What shall we
say for this great work by Roccocippi, Gentlemen? A hundred
guineas, just to Btart us ?

The F. B. Can't you put the two Aggers up separate ?

Auct. You know better than that—being a group, Sir. Come,
come, anyone give me a hundred for this magnificent marble group !
The figure of Othello very finely finished, Gentlemen.

The F. B. I should ha' thought it was her who was the finely
finished one of the two.

Auct. (pained by this levity). Really, Gentlemen, do 'ave more
appreciation of a 'igh-class work like this!. . . Twenty-five guineas P
. . . Nonsense! I can't put it up at that.

[ Bidding languishes. Lot withdrawn.

Second Disinterested Dealer (to First D. D., in an undertone). I
wouldn't tell everyone, but I shouldn't like to see you stay 'ere and
waste your time; so, in case you was thinking of waiting for that
last lot, I may just as well mention- [ Whispers.

First D. D. Ah, it's that way, is it ? Much obliged to you for
the 'int. But I'd do the same for you any day.

Second D. D. I'm sure yer would!

[ They watch one another suspiciously.

Auct. Now 'ere's a tasteful thing, Gentlemen. Lot. 41. "Nymph
eating Oysters" ("Nymph 'ere, Oen'lm'n.'"), by the celebrated
Italian artist Vabene, one of the finest works of Art in this
room, and they 're all exceedingly fine works of Art; but this is
truly a work of Art, Gentlemen. What shall we say for her, eh ?
(Silence.) Why, Gentlemen, no more appreciation than that f Come,
don't be afraid of it. Make a beginning. (Bidding starts.) Forty-

PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

Fond Parent (to Professional Lady). "Tell me, Miss Lb Vavasour, bid
my Son acquit himself creditably at this Afternoon's Rehearsal ?"

Miss Le Vavasour. " Well, my Lord,—if your Son only acts the
Lover on the Stage half as energetically as he dobs in thb Green-
room, the Piece will be a success ! "

five guineas. Forty - six —
pounds. Forty - six pounds
only, this remarkable speci-
men of modern Italian Art.
Forty-six and a 'arf. Oaly
forty-six ten bid for it. Give
character to any gentleman's
collection, a figure like this
would. Forty-seven pounds
—guineas.' and a 'art. . . .
Forty-seven and a 'art guineas
. . . . For the last time! Bid-
ding with you, Sir. Forty-
seven guineas and a 'arf —
Gone! Name, Sir, if you
please. Oh, money ? Very
well. Thank you.

Proud Purchaser (to Friend,
in excuse for his extravagance).
You see, I must have some-
thing for that grotto I've got
in the grounds.

His Friend. If she was mine,
I should put her in the hall,
and have a gaslight fitted in
the oyster-shell.

P.P. (thoughtfully). Not a
bad idea. But electric light
would be more suitable, and
easier to fix too. Yes—we'll
see.

The Obi. Broker (pursuing
the Am. Sped.). I 'ope, Sir,
you '11 remember me, next time
you 're this way.

The Am. Sped, (who has
only ransomed himself by
taking over an odd lot, con-
sisting of imitation marble
fruit, a model, under crystal,
of the Leaning Tower of Pisa,
and three busts of Italian cele-
brities of whom he has never
heard). I'm afraid I shan't
have very much chance of
forgetting you. Good after-
noon !

[Exit hurried'y, dropping the
fruit, as Scene closes.

PfiOM OUR MUSIC HALL.

I had a flue performance at my little'place last week. Gave the
Elijah with a chorus whose vigorous delivery and precision were ex-
cellent, and except for uncertain intonation of soprani in first chorus,
I think though perhaps I say it who shouldn't, I never heard better
ohorussing within my walls. Madame Schhidt-Koehne has a good
voice, but I can't say I approve of her German method, nor do I like
embellishments of text, even when they can be justified. The con-
tralto, Madame Sviatxovsky (0 Heavenly name that ends in sky J)
is not what I should have expected, coming to us with such a name.
Perhaps not heard to advantage : perhaps 'vantage to me if I hadn't
heard her. But Miss Sabah Beery brought down the house just
as Sahson did, and we were Berry'd all alive, 0, and applauding
beautifully. Brava, Miss Sarah Beery I

" As we are hearing Elijah," says Mr. Corner Man, " may I ask
you, Sir, what Queen in Scripture History this young lady reminds
me of?" Of course I reply, "I give it up, Sir." Whereupon he
answers, "She reminds me, Sir, of the ftueen who was Beeenice —
' Berry-Nicey '—see ? "

Number next in the books. Mr. Watkin Mills was dignified
and impressive as Elijah; but, while admitting the excellence of
this profit, we can't forget our loss in the absence of Mr. Sant-
lby. Ben Mio Davies sang the tenor music, but apologised
for having unfortunately got a pony on the event,—that is, he
had got a little hoarse during the day. "Ben Mio" is—urn—
rather troppo operatico for the oratorio. Mr. Babnby bravely
batoned, as usual. Bravo, Barnby! He goes on with the work
because he likes it. Did he not, he would say with the General
Bombastes—

" Give o'er ! give o'er !
For I will biton on this tune no more."

Perhaps the quotation is not quite exact, but no matter, all's well
that ends well, as everyone said as they left

Yours truly, Albert Hall.