Punch (99.1890)

November 29, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

261

A CHECK.

Huntsman. "Seen the Fox, my Boy?" Boy. "No, I ain't!"

Huntsman. "Then, what aee you Hollaein' fob?" Boy {who has been scaring Rooks). "'Cos I'm Paid foe it!'

THE DEATH PENALTY; OR, WHO'S TO BLAME?
ACT I.

Scene —Souse of Commons, rather sparsely attended, it being the
occasion of a statement on the needs of the Army to be made by
the Secretary for War.
Secretary for War (continuing his speech). And so, Mr. Speakee,
I trust that I have justified the demand I have made for so many
millions for building Barracks, and conclusively proved that the
Authorities responsible for our military efficiency are thoroughly
alive to the necessity not only of safeguarding the lives, but of
increasing the comfort, of our gallant defenders. (Cheers.)

ACT II.

Scene—Celebrated London Barracks. Fire Just broken out m top
storey of Married Soldiers' Quarters, crowded with women and
children. Soldiers rushing for ladders. Some children handed
up through a trap-door, which is supposed to lead to roof. No
exit on to roof available, and children being slowly smothered.
Screams. Great excitement.
Non-Commissioned Officer. Ha! Fire in the " Rookery! " And

it '11 burn like

paper, being old

and rotten! Now,

where's the fellow

who ought to have

the key of the

hydrant ? (Exit in

search of him.)

Labourer em-
ployed at Barracks

(entering hastily).

Hullo ! A fire !

Where's that key

of mine for the

hydrants ? Can't

attend to that, how-
ever, as there's my

wife and family to

GENERAL PUNCH'S IMPROVED MAGAZINE RIFLE.

\ / 1. A Hatchet (to pull oui and fix inside); 2. A Spear (ditto); 3, 4, 5. Compart-

/ ments with handles, to be used as Portmanteau ; 6. Shirt Collars and Evening Tie;

---- 7. A Pipe; 8. Tobacco; 9. Cigarette Case; 10. Sandwich Case, Potted Meats,

Biscuits, &c.; 11. A Self Air-Loading Bullet Mechanism; 12. Gladstone Bag; 13. Portable Bath and
Hammock; 14. Cooking Store; 15. Cooking Utensils; 16. A Telescope; 17. A Walking Stick; 18. An
Umbrella; 19. A Billiard Cue; 20. A Scent Bottle.

be saved! (Rushes out, and hydrants cannot be unlocked for ten
minutes. When they are, they are found to be without water !)

Colonel Commanding the Battalion (just arrived on scene). No
water! Well, of course there isn't! Hasn't the War Office ordered
it to be turned off at night, spite of my protests ? Tell the Fire-
Brigade men to get water wherever they can!

\_Water eventually got in roads several hundred yards from
burning building.

Non- Com. Officer (directing two soldiers, who have gallantly
rescued a couple of children that have been burning and suffocating
under roof). Yes, take 'em off to the hospital! Poor little creatures
—not much hope for them, I'm afraid! (To Colonel.) A bad
business, Sir!

Colonel. Would have been worse if the men hadn't behaved so
well, and turned themselves into amateur firemen. No thanks to
the War Office that there aren't twenty-two deaths, instead of two.
Why, only six months ago, I warned 'em that the place was " unfit
for human habitation," and a regular death-trap in ease of fire, with
only one narrow wooden staircase to the whole block. -1 wrote that,
"if a fire occurred at night, there must be many deaths." Yet
nothing has been done. Non- Com. Offi-

cer. Shocking!
There's a talk that
the place had been
condemned by the
War Office.

Colonel. Con-
demned, but not
pulled down! I
wonder who'll be
condemned at the
Inquest. ShouloVt
be surprised if it
were the War-Office
Authorities them-
selves !

[And so they have
been — and quite
right too.