Punch (99.1890)

Decembkb 6, 1890.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 273

A LORD OF THE ADMIRALTY VERY MUCH AT SEA.

(An incident of Mr. Ashmead-Bartlett's recent Tour in Ireland.)

Mr. A. B. "Why Pat, my Lad, I see nothing to complain of heee.
These Potatoes are remarkably fine !"

Pat. "Bed ad, Sob, but they'be not Pbaties at all, at all. Shube,
it's the Tobnips youe Hon ode's looking at I"

PAES ABOUT PICTURES.

" The Royal Society of Painters in Water-Colours
said young Par. "Nonsense! why all the water is
frozen now, and so they can't paint!" "Precisely,"
replied I; "and that's why it is a nice exhibition! "
This so startled Young Par that he slipped and fell.
I turned into the Gallery in Pall Mall, and left him
sitting on the cold hard flags outside. Inside pleasant
enough. Bibket Foster's Island of Rum " very com-
forting—should, like some hot. Herbert Marshall—
our own City Marshall—has gone further afield, to
" Old Chelsea." Should now he called the Field Mar
shall. Matthew Hale, in " Gathering Blackberries,"
is a hail fellow well met! " The Corso, Verona," by
S. J. Hodson, shows that Hodson's choice is a good one.
Henry Moore's sea-pieces—the more the merrier, say I.
"Warkworth—Sunlit Shower," by A. W. Hunt; a walk
worth taking when the hunt is up. "Holidays Past and
Future," suggests wide subjects and open spaces. Why,
then, is it painted by Smalleield ? " Wreck of the
Halswett," is a terrible catastrophe. Can't be "All's
Well." Possibly the painter, G. H. Andrews, means "all
swell"—that seems a great deal more likely. Albert
Goodwin shows himself to be a good winner in the
" Ponte Vecchio, Florence." Du Matjrier delights us
with some clever Society sketches in pen and pencil. The
veteran, Sir John Gilbert, is as young, as dashing, as
vigorous as ever. H. G. Glindoni has two pictures full
of humour and character. Stacy Mabks' " Cockatoo"
looks as if it had just flown in from the Zoo. " Au
Sgarnach," by C. B. Phillip. Title difficult to under-
stand. Landscape easy to comprehend. A close study
of Nature, admirably painted. A wholesome Phillippio
against namby-pamby prettiness. " On the Thames,"
by G. A. Fripp, honestly painted, and no frippery
about it. Miss Clara Montalba has a large number of
pictures of Venice—and Mr. Ridge comes up and says
he is the Keeper. What Keeper ? He whispers, he is
the Keeper of the Cold Out—What an oridginal remark!
—and will I step into the Committee Room P I do, and
remain there, and continue to he

Yours par-adoxically, Old Par.

ROBERT AT THE HOPERA.

I was hahel the other day to do Brown a good turn by getting
him engaged at won of our big Otels, so he kindly offerd to stand a
supper, and then take me to the Hopera at Common Garden. We
went to see Horfay,

It seems that wunce upon a time, ever so many thowsand years
ago, before there was not no Lord Mares, nor no Shirryffs, nor not
ewen no Aldermen, a Gent of the name of Horfay lived in Grease.
He was the werry grandest Fiddler of his time, a regler Joey Kim.
Well, he married a werry bewtiful wife, of the name of Yourridisee,
and they was both werry appy, till one day, as she was a having a
run in a field, a norrid serpent bit her in her heel; so Bhe died.
Well, while poor Mr. Horfay is a telling us all about his trubbel,
in comes a werry bewtiful young lady with a pair of most bewtiful
wings on, and she werry kindly gives him a new sort of magic Fiddle,
called, as I was told, A Liar ! to go to—go down to you kno where, to
git his wife back! Off he goes, and the neks sean shows us the werry
plaice, all filled with savidges, and demons, and snakes, and things;
and presently, when Mr. Horfay is seen a cumming down, all the
demons and savidges runs at him to stop him ; but he holds up the
Liar, and begins for to sing, and most bewtifully too, tho' I didn't kno
the tune; they all makes way for him, and he gos bang into lots of
big flames, and so I werry naterally thort as how it was all over.
But not a bit of it, for in the werry next sean we sees him with his
Liar in a most lovly garden, all full fof most lovly flowers and trees,
and numbers of bewtiful ladies, a dancing and enjoying theirselves
like fun, until his Liar leads him rite up to his wife, and then he
raps harf his scarf round her, and off they gos together, both on 'em
dowtless a longing for a reel nupshal kiss, but poor Mr. Horfay not
a daring for to look at her, becoz if he does before he gets her home,
she will be ded again direckly! Was there hever such a tapterlising
case ever known! When she sings to him to give her one loving look,
he sings to her to say he mustn't, until at larst she sets down on a
nice cumferel-looking sofy, as appens for to be in the werry middel
of the Btreet, and. says, werry artfully, as she carn't go not one step
farther, when in course he turns round, and rushes up to her to have
one fond embrace, and, thank goodness, they has it, and then she
falls back dead!

Well, now, I knos as I'm ony a mere Hed Waiter, and, therefore,
not xpected to have any werry tine feelings, like my betters has, but

I do declare that, when I saw this sad, sad end to all that grand
amount of reel true Love, the tears run down my cheeks like
rain, and I was a getting up to go away, when presently in came
the lovly angel again, whose name I was told was Love, and told
him that such love as his could conker Death itself ; and she brort
the pore wife to life again, and all hended, as all things shood end,
jovial, and cumferal, and happy. What a wunderful thing is
Music ! It didn't seem at all' strange to me that not one single word
was spoke all the heavening, but ewery word sung, and in a forren
tung,_ too, that I didn't hunderstand, the bewtiful story kep my
atention fixt the hole time, and I warked home in the poring rain,
werry thankful, and jest a leetle prowd, that in one thing, at least, I
was not xacly like Brown, who slept carm and content thro the hole
of the larst hact. Robert.

The Fate of Salvation Army Generals,

" Each General is, by a deed of appointment, executed and placed in safe
custody with certain formalities, &c."—Gen. Booth's Letter to the Times,
Nov. 27.

This is dreadful! Why should the Generals be executed ? What
have they done to deserve this cruel fate ? And what is the use of
placing them in safe custody after they have been executed ? And
what are the " certain formalities " ? We pause for a reply to all
these questions. _

Seasonable.—Christmas is Coming.—In the Morning Post, one
day last week, appeared an announcement to the effect that Madame
Noel had left one residence in the West End for another in the
same quarter. Odd this, just now. But go where she will, Le bon
pere Noel will be in London and the country on the 25th instant;
so the best'way is to prepare to receive Father Christmas.

So-ho, There !—Some persons think that the proper place for
" The Pelican " ought still to be-the wilderness.

Novelty. — Quartette for three players—" Whist! the Dumby
Man! "

New Educational Work (by C. S. P-rn-ll).—The Crammer's
Guide to Politics,