Punch (99.1890)

December 13, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

279

But well says the scribe that such "business" is crime,
Sir,

And such would be but for gaps half the time, Sir,
'Twixt justice and law.

Bah 1 Many a man who's sheer rogue in reality,
Hides the harsh knave in the mask of " legality."

When 'tis too gross,
Bobbery's rash, but austere orthodoxies
Countenance such things as modern match-boxes

Nine-farthings a gross!

From seven till ten, and sometimes to eleven,

For "six bob " a week. Ah! such life must be heaven;

Whilst as for your "profit,"
That's bound to approach five-and-twenty per cent.,
That Sweaters shall thrive, let their tools be content

With starvation in Tophet.

To starve's bad enough, but to starve and to work
(Mrs. Labouchere hints), the most patient may irk;

And the lady is right—
Business ? On brutes who dare mouth such base trash,
Mr. Punch, who loves justice and sense, lays his lash,

With the greatest delight.

He knows the excuses advanced for the S weater,
But bad is the best, and, until you find better,

'Tis useless to cant
Of freedom of contract, supply and demand,
And all the cold sophistries ever on hand

Sound sense to supplant.

A phrase takes the place of an argument often,
And stomachs go empty, and brains Blowly soften,

And sense sick with dizziness,
All in the name of the bosh men embody
In one clap-trap phrase that dupes many a noddy,

That—business is business!

Business ? Yes, precious bad business for them, Sir,
Whose joyless enslavement you take with such phlegm,
Sir,

Suppose, to enhance
Their small share of ease, such as you, were content, Sir,
To lower a trifle your precious " per cent.," Sir,

And give them a chance!

SOFT SAWDER.

"Bctt I don't call this a Fashionable 'At I"

"It will soon become so, Madam, if you weak it I

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

Is Camp and Studio, Mr. Irving Montagu, some time on the
artistic staff of The Illustrated London News, gives his experiences
of the Russo-Turkish Campaign. He ooncisely sums up the quali-
fications of a War Correspondent by saying that he should " have an
iron constitution, a laconic, incisive style,
and sufficient tact to establish a safe and
rapid connecting link between the forefront
of battle and his own head-quarters in
Fleet Street or elsewhere." As Mr. Irving
Montagu seems to have lived up to his
ideal, it is a little astonishing to find the
last chapters of his book devoted to Back
in Bohemia, wherein he discourses of going
to the Derby, a Hammersmith Desdemona,
and of the Postlethwaites and Maudles,
_ " whose peculiarities have been recorded by
the facile pen of Du Maubxee." But as
the author seems pleased with the reader,
it would be indeed sad were the reader to
tfy find fault with the author. However, this
A Christmas Masque. may be said in his favour—he tells (at
least) one good story. On his return from
Plevna to Bohemia, a dinner was given in his honour at the
Holborn Restaurant. Every detail was perfect—the only omission
was forgetfulness on the part of the Committee to invite the guest of
the evening ! At the last moment the mistake was discovered, and a
telegram was hurriedly despatched to Mr. Montagu, telling him that
he was " wanted." On his arrival he was refused admittance to the
dinner by the waiters, because he was not furnished with a ticket I
Ultimately he was ushered into the Banqueting Hall, when every-
thing necessarily ended happily.

One might imagine that Birthday Books have had their day, but
apparently they still flourish, for Hazell, Watson, & Vinet pub-
lish yet another, under the title of Names we Love, and Places we
Know. The first does not apply to our friends, but to the quotations
selected, and places are shown by photos.

Of many Beneficent and Useful Lives, you will hear " in
Chambers,"—the reader sitting as judge on the various cases brought
before him by Mr. Hobebt Cochrane.

Unlucky will not be the little girl who reads the book with this
name, by Caroline Austin.

Everybody's Business, by Ismay Thorn, nobody likes interference,
but in this case it proved the friend in need.

Chivalry, by Leon Sautter, translated by Henry Frith, is a
chronicle of knighthood, its rules, and its deeds. To the scientific
student, Discoveries and Inventions of the Nineteenth Century, by
Robert Routledge, B.S., F.C.S., will be interesting, and help him
to discover a lot he does not know. Those who have not already
read it, A Wonder Book for Qirls and Boys, by Nathaniel Haw-
thorne, will have a real treat in the myths related; Tanglewood
Tales are included, and these are delightful for all. Rosebud, by
Mrs. Adams Acton, a tale for girls, who will love this bright little
flower, bringing happiness all around.

Solly Leaves, the Special Number of The Sporting and Dramatic,
is quite a seasonable decoration for the drawing-room table during
the Christmas holidays.

My faithful "Co." has been reading Jack's Secret, by Mrs.
Lovett Cameron, which, he says, has greatly pleased him. It has an
interesting story, and is full of clever sketches of character. Jack,
himself, is rather a weak personage, and scarcely deserves the good
fortune which ultimately falls to his lot. After flirting with a born
coquette, who treats him with a cruelty which is not altogether
unmerited, he settles down with a thoroughly lovable little wife,
and a seat in the House of Lords. From this it will be gathered
that all ends happily. Jack's Secret will be let out by Mudie's, and
will be kept, for a considerable time—by the subscribers.

Girls will be .the richer this year by Fifty-two more Stories for
Girls, and boys will be delighted with Fifty-two more Stories for
Boys, by many of the best authors; both these books are edited by
Alfred Mlles, and published by Hutchison & Co. Lion Jack, by
P. T. Barnum, is an account of Jack's perilous adventures in
capturing wild animals. If they weren't, of course, all true, Lyin'
Jack would have been a better title.

Syd Belton, unlike most story-book boys, would not go to sea,