Punch (99.1890)

HIS FIRST BIRD.

"Well, I didn't miss that one, at all events !" "No, Sir. They will Fly into it, sometimes I"

THE BABES IN THE WOOD;

Or, The Sr. Stephen's Tragedy.
An old {Ingoldsbyish) Song, to a new {Irish)
Tune.

When M.P.'s were all honest and good,

(A. long time ago, I'm afraid, Ma'am),
We heard of the Babes in the Wood,

Who were jockeyed, misled, and betrayed,
Ma'am.
Well, history, so we are told,

Repeats itself—varying slightly—
Once again two poor Babes have been—sold,

Let us say, just to put it politely.

Rum tiddy-um, tiddy-um-tay !

Two innocent cherubs they were,
Master Gladdy, and young Miss Moor-
leena;

Such sweet little souls to ensnare,—
Why, no conduct could well have been
meaner.

But all things went well for a time;

The parties they trusted made much of them;
Little they fancied that crime

Would ever attempt to get clutch of them.
Rum tiddy, &c.

All the same, Ma'am, before very long,

The Babes found themselves in the
Wood. It
Was that which is known in Erse song

As the Wood of Shillelagh. Now could it
Be thought that two brave Oirish bhoys

Might be found so confoundedly cruel
As to rob two wee bairns of their toys,

And then give the poor darlings their
"gruel"?

Rum tiddy, &c.

I But somehow one of them fell out

With his whilom pet Babe, little Gladdy,
Looked on him with anger and doubt,

And conspired to destroy him, poor laddie !
It seems that the once-admired " kid "

Was a Turk, and a rogue, and a pickle,
Who wouldn't do what he was bid,
But was talkative, tricky, and fickle.

Rum tiddy, &o.

Clear case of the Wolf and the Lamb !
Said the Wolf, "I dislike, and distrust
him.

His innocence is but a sham,

I mean having the bleed of him, bust him!"
(Such language sounds vulgar and coarse,

And to put it in poesy 'a painful;
But Kipling will tell you that force

Of taste must be sometimes disdainful.)

Rum tiddy, &c.

Little Gladdy, he turned up his eyes

To his guide's now most truculent visage,
And feelings of doubt and surprise

Took hold on him, trying at his age.
Cried he, " Go away, Naughty Man I

Moobleena, this fellow's a rogue, he
Will kill us, I'm sure, if he can,

For his face looks as black as Old Bogey!"
Rum tiddy, &e.

Oh, then the First Robber looked mad,

And he ups, and says he to the Second,
" This impudent bit of a lad

No more a safe pal can be reckoned.
Get him out of our way, or the swag

Will not be worth much when allotted.
Moobleena's small weasand you scrag.

Whilst J cut young Billy's carotid! "

Rum tiddy, &e.

" Ha! stop!" cried the milder of mood,

" Tour conduct is savage and silly.
They will searoh for these Babes in this Wood,

And there '11 be a big row about Billy.
Don't fancy you '11 finish this job

When you've scragged 'em and stifled
their Bobbins' 1
If these Babes we should murder and rob,

Their graves won't be left to the Robins 1"
Rum tiddy, &c.

Of course after language like this

Those Robbers' relations grew " squiffy."
Each drew, cut and thrust, scored a miss,

And then they set-to in a jiffy.
The Babes, in no optimist mood,

Look on at the fight not unequal.
Will they safely get out of the Wood ?

Well, that we shall see in the sequel!
Rum-tiddy-um, tiddy-um-tay!

An Anglo-Indian journal, quoted by the
Daily News, suggests that the Ameer of
Afghanistan " might construct a telegraph
line throughout his country." Good idea.
Of course it is A-meer suggestion.

No mobe Appeals ! No Chance op an
Erboneous Judgment !! No Wbong Sen-
tences ! I!—The new Judge must be always
Weight. Query—Can he sit in Error ?

Nautical and Academical Question,
Impobtant pob Marine Paintebs.—How
much water must such an Artist draw before
he is admitted into the Royal Academy
Harbour ?