Punch (99.1890)

Deobmbkk 27, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

303

BETWEEN THE LEAVES;
Ok, how to let in the Advektisebs Neatly.
******
Chapteb LXVII.
The fair girl stepped lightly into the room, and, having daintily
removed the dust from her feet by wiping them on one of Biglow
amd Sous' Patent Crocodile Matting Rugs (delivered carriage free
within a radius of twelve miles of their establishment at Ludgate
Cirous) that was placed before the door, gave a hasty glanoe round
the apartment. She saw at once from the octagonal ebonised table three
feet six, by two feet five inches, the afternoon lounge couch (as adver-
tised), the gent's easy shake-down chair, ladies ditto, and half dozen
occasional chairs, all upholstered in rich material in Messrs. Mul-
gkave & Co. of 170, Walbrook, City, E.C.'s best style, that a
refined taste inspired by a wholesome economy had been exercised in
the furnishing of the apartment, and she turned to the old Duke
with a grateful nod of recognition.

" What," he asked, in a feeble voice, " is it my own Angelica ?
Surely it is! Come, my child, let me look at you 'i " He turned up
the burner of a Boycotle's Patent Incandescent Gas Lamp (price
13s. 9d. with full paper of instructions complete), and as he stood
erect in his rich calico-lined fox-fur dressing-gown (supplied in three
qualities by Bboham & Co, with a discount of 15 per cent, for
oash), he looked, every foot of him, a worthy soion of that ancient
family of whioh he was the last living representative. " Let me
look at you," he again repeated, drawing his neatly-dressed grand-
daughter more fully into the light before him. As it fell upon
the graceful curves of her lissom figure, it was easy to perceive that
she was wearing one of Madame Beaumont's celebrated Porcupine
Quill Corsets, which lent a wonderful finish to a two-guinea tailor-
made gingham cloth " Gem "costume, braided with best silk (horn
buttons inoluded), which showed off her young form to such advantag e.

He would have added more, but a sudden pallor stole over his
complexion, and he reeled towards a chair.

In an instant the bright girl was on her knees at his side. " Dear
Grandfather, you are faint!" she cried, an expression of alarm
suffusing her beautiful features.
The Duke pointed to a small table—" My Liquid Pork!" he gasped.
" Ah! of course!" was her quick response, as she hounded across
the room, and returned with an eleven-and-sixpenny bottle of
"Bolkin's Liquid Pork, or, the Emaciated Invalid's Hog-wash"—
a stimulating, flesh-creating, life-sustaining food; sold in bottles
at Is. lid., 2s. 9c?., 5s. Id., and lis. 8d.,—of whioh she quickly
poured out half a tumbler, and raised it to the quivering lips of the
staggering old nobleman by her side. "How foolish of me not to
have thought of this before! " she oontinued, replenishing the glass,
which he emptied in feverish haste.

"I save threepence-halfpenny in a sovereign," he went on, a
wioked twinkle kindling in his eye as he spoke, "by taking the
eleven-and-sixpenny size—and that is a consideration, my dear. If
you don't think so now, with all your young life before you, you
will when jou oome to be my age!"

He sank back in his arm-chair as he spoke, apparently about to
deliver himself to the calm delights of a retrospective reverie. But
he was not destined to eiijoy it. At that
moment a whiff of stifling smoke, quite choking
in its intensity, forced itself under the door.
In another moment the matter was soon ex-
plained. "With a wild rush the butler burst
into the room.

" Fly, your Grace, for your life! " he cried;
"the place is on fire!"

A blaze of flame that followed the terrified
menial into the room, only too truly cor-
roborated his statement. In a another moment
the fire had seized hold of the new furniture,
and in greedy fury, as if it were some demon
spirit, licked the walls with great tongues of
fiame.

" In the cupboard, my dear," said the Duke,
the proud blood of his race coming to his aid
in a perfect and commanding coolness in
the face of the terrible danger that faced him, "you will find
three cans of Jobson's Patent Fire Annihilating Essence. It is
advertised as infallible. Give one to the butler, take one yourself,
and. give the third to me. This appears to be a good opportunity for
testing its efficacy."

The quick bright girl instantly obeyed his injunction. The cans
were distributed, and opened. A colourless gas was liberated. In
a few seconds the flames were entirely quenched.

" Ah!" said the old Duke, flinging himself back into his arm-
chair with a sigh of relief. "And now, Angelica, my dear, you
can tell me why you came to see me! "

A FAIR WARNING.

"Daddy, I want you to give me Five Shillings a week Pocket-
money 1"

"I couldn't do it, my little Chap. It's too much I*

" Well, I moot have it. If you won't, I shall go and Bet !'

THEORY AND PRACTICE.
(To be Represented during the Performance of the Christmas Pantomime.)
Scene—Interior of Private Sox. Grandfather and Grandchildren dis-
covered listening to the Overture. Father and Mother in attendance.
Grandfather. Yes, my dears, I am glad to Eay that the afterpart
is not to be discontinued. You are to see the Clown, and the
Pantaloon, and the Columbine, and the
Harlequin.

Chorus of Grandchildren. Oh! Oh,
won't that be delicious!

Grandfather. Yes, my dears, you will
see the regular old-fashioned comic butd-
ness that used to delight me when I was
a boy. I remember when I was about
your age, my dears, seeing Tom Mathews,
and it was so amusing. He used to sing
a song—

Chorus (interrupting as the Curtain
rises). Hush, Grandpa! it's going to
begin! (The party subside, and direct their
attention to twenty sets or so of the most Peg-Top after seeing a
magnificent scenery, illustrated by gor- Pantomime.
geous Processions. The hands of the clock revolve, leaving Eight
and reaching Eleven, when Grand Transformation takes place,
amidst various coloured fires. Then enter Old Christmas Clown.

Old Christmas Clown. Here we are again! How are you
to-morrow ?

Chorus of Children. Oh, we are so tired! And we have heard
that before!

Mother. And I am afraid we shall miss our train.
Father. And the roads are so bad!

Grandfather. Well, well, perhaps we had better go; but in my
time we all used to enjoy it so much. (Aside.) And perhaps, after
all, the red-hot poker business is rather stale at the end of the
Nineteenth Century!

[Exeunt the Party, plus five-sixths of the Audience.