Punch (99.1890)

December 27, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

305

BLACK AND WHITE; OR, THE PHANTOM STEED!

(A Typical Ghost Story for Christmas, by a Witness of the Truth.)

I "was walking in one of the slums in the neighbourhood of Oxford
Street, some years ago, and always fond of horse-flesh (I had driven
—as a boy—a bathing-machine for my pleasure along the wild coast
line of the great Congo Continent) was greatly attracted by a hack
standing within the shafts of a cart

head, and a sign-post in the last stage of hopeless intoxication.
It was here that a police constable turned his lantern upon me with
a pertinacity that apparently was calculated to challenge observation.
Annoyed, but not altogether surprised, I declared my opinion that
it was "all right," and fell asleep. When I awoke, I found that
I had travelled some hundreds of miles, and, strange to say, my
horse was as good as when it had started. From what I could
gather from the signs on the road (I have been accustomed to
Forestry from my earliest childhood), it

belonging to a funeral furnisher. Like iiilllilllll III illllllllllfflWIillllllN seemed to me that, while I was slumber-
many of its class, the horse was jet J|| || )||§|U 1 N IIIM1 IIJ^^lP *n£> 1 must nave Passe(* Macclesfield,
black, with a long flowing tail and a | i IMpM || |l| If/l i^lllil'lilifiWi^^^^^sP' (!) Ranisgate, Richmond (both in Surrey
mane to match. As I gazed upon the I'l WB^mfL&^m^^KBKr .1 | and in Yorkshire), and was now close to
creature the driver came out of the m'nWMiii^ll^p^'''' rrffll IVI « the weirdest spot in all phantom-popu-
shop (to which doleful establishment the II Mli,":'^!gM| tf=<mMH10l¥ V lated Wiltshire—a place in its rugged

equipage belonged) and drove slowly .'' " ■M&BSm ,.....f/y -'M%' •' "'fflJlj !|IJ'| desolation suggestive of the Boundless

away. I felt forced to follow, and soon J^sMRii'/;/ ffin -Mil Prairies and Buffalo Bill — Wild-
found myself outside a knacker's yard. ■,V. '.V:;.,' WB3BSB^I^4fBSSK' S Westbury! Greatly fatigued, I entered
Guessing the intention of the driver to v> ^K^Uj^KX^^^ItSw l!if ill I' a second inn, and enjoyed a hearty meal,
treat his steed as only fit for canine .1 fil'■itiiji'^yIInHHBHjp^v^ lll^BMli'^ w 1 'which was also a simple one. I am a
food, I offered to purchase the seemingly ■ 'i'Wmml'fm^ - '^wtmKNitk. liquidarian, and take no animal or

doomed animal. To my surprise, the i.i:/.j ., ■ ' WBhUII' vegetable food, and have not tasted fish

man expressed his willingness to treat '-mc^ ^^MSBimBil!'; for nearly a quarter of a century,

with me, and suggested that I might lilffllffi^ When I wished to continue my

have the carcase at the rate of 4s llfd. l I !l !j] f 'M^^i^PBKIBBP^ j°umeyto Bath, I found Cats''-meat so

a pound. Considering the price not '¥ "' ^ ^^^^'VnTjoWGil disinclined to move, that I thought the

excessive, I agreed, and, having weighed niw* m*<**mt' t • ^Tr^J^gmtm^m lest thing to do in the interest of pro-

the horse at an automatic weighing 'IwW' Jajf " ^ ~ ~~ ^^&0V™mm,f^- 'I gress, was to carry him myself. He was

machine, I handed over £100—in notes. \m i ySrfSl ---~=- <jilPssJ'rlffiilfs very light—so light that I imagined the

Then the first strange thing happened. cBB^: _ - - cnfBf^" --jtojPjjy" automatic weighing-machine must have

Before I could replace my pocket-book || . ^SlBfe- ~ —- IjE^SL"''''' heen ou* °f order when I tested it.

in its receptable in my coat, the driver d38Bjjplte^..g^_ -SSlSBSf^ffSi Almost in a trance I walked along, until,

had absolutely vanished! I could not ~~ jgw. • • ~- '"—stumbling, I fell, and dropped Cats'-meat

see him anywhere. I was the more ' into a well. And then another strange

annoyed at this, as I found that (by mistake) I had given him notes
on the Bank of Elegance, which everyone knows are of less value
than notes on the Bank of England. However, it was too late to
search for the vendor, and I walked away as I could, leading by the
bridle the Bteed I had so recently acquired.
It was now necessary to get quarters for the night, but I found,
at that advanced hour, that many of the
leading hotels were either full or unwilling
to supply me with a bedroom-and-stable-
combined until the morning. I was refused
firmly but civilly at the Grand, the Metro-
pole, the Grosvenor, and the Pig and Whistle
Tavern, South East Hackney. At the latter
caravanserai, the night-porter (who was
busying himself cleaning the pewter pots)
suggested that I should go to Bath. Adopt-
ing this idea, I mounted my steed (which
answered, after a little practice, to the name
of Cats'1-meat), and took the Old Kent Road
until I reached St. Albans.
Everything comes to him Jt va, now morning, and the old abbey
who waits. stood out in grand outline against the

glorious scarlet of the setting sun. Entering an inn, I called for
refreshment for man and beast, and, having authority for consider-
ing myself qualified to act as representative of both, consumed
the double portion. Thinking about the whiskey I had just
discussed, as I rode along, I came to a milestone, standing on its

thing happened. The horse with its jet-black tail and mane, emerged
from the water as white as snow! Apparently annoyed at the treat-
ment to which it had been accidentally subjected, it fled away, and
I lost sight of it amongst the hills that
overlook Wild-Westbury. And then
the strangest thing of all happened/and
has been happening ever since!

In clear weather, on the side of one of
these hills, Cats'-meat, in the habit as
he stood when he left the well on that
fatal day, may be seen patiently waiting
until the time shall arrive when he shall
receive a coat of blacking, a companion
steed to share with him his labours, and
a hearse ! I am not the only person who
has seen him thus. The spectre (if it
be a spectre) is known for miles around,
and has been watched by thousands.
Nay, more. On occasions of great re-
joicing, when merry-making has been
the order of the day or night, several Cresting to the Medical Pro-
Cats1-meats have appeared to the carous- f«»»°n. "The Annual Indi-
ing watchers strangely blended together. g

Speaking for myself, if I have seen one I have seen half-a-dozen—nay,
more—with hills to match ! And those who do not believe me can
continue the journey I once commenced, and (after I have wished
them a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Tear) proceed to—Bath!

chbi9tmas "cbackebs."

Plum-pudding never dis-
agrees with me, however
much I take of it. No
more do mince-pies, no
matter how many I eat.
Steaming hot-and-strong
gin-punch is the most
wholesome beverage; so,
also, is brandy-punch. It
can't harm anybody who,
on the Pickwickian prin-
ciple, "takes enough of
it." Both beverages go
admirably with cigars and
pipes. If you have any-
thing like a headache on
Boxing-day morning, de-
pend upon it, it comes
from abstemiousness in
drinking, eating, and
smoking.

SUGGESTIONS FOE PICTORIAL DIRECTORY.

"Hide Pa Corner."

Eatin' Plaice.

Liteeaet and Deamatic.—It is now generally known, and, if not, it is
high time it should be, that A Million of Money, advertised as original, is only
an instance of genuine " translation " from Old Drury Lane to Covent Garden,
where it ought to continue its previous success.

Shakspeabe at Yule-
Tide.—Excellent arrange-
ments at the Lyceum for
Christmas. Genial Mavens-
tcood is to be performed
only on a Friday. For the
rest,—no not "the rest"
where so much work is in-
volved,—for " the remain-
der" of the week, the
Master of the Shakspearian
Revels gives us Much Ado
About Nothing, with our
Ellen and Henet as
Beatrice and Benedick,
and with all its memorable
glory of costume and
scenery,— a Shakspearian
revival well Sworthy to be
reckoned as among the
foremost of all the at-
tractions offered by the
theatres this Christmas.