Punch: Punch (101.1891)

July 4, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

5

meeting displayed greater enthusiasm and unanimity. Our wretched
opponents may well hide their diminished heads. Another nail has
been struck into the coffin of the Chubsoxs, and the rest of the gang
whom the unfortunate apathy of the Conservatives, at the last
election, permitted to rise to high places in Billsbury politics.
They have earned their doom. Sic semper tyrannis .' "

There's a curious paragraph in a little weekly sort of Society rag
published in Billsbury. It says:—"Mr. Pattle has prolonged his
stay in Billsbury for some time. Can it all be politics ? I say
nothing. But others have been heard to whispier nothings which are
sweet. What price bonnets?" I suppose the idiot means to hint
that there's something between me and Miss Penfold ? Hope Maky
won't hear of this rubbish.

MODERN TYPES.

(By Mr. Punch's Own Type Writer.)
No. XXYI.-THE LADY SHOPKEEPER.

Ladies who, in order to correct the inequalities of fortune, or to
counteract a spendthrift husband, have betaken themselves to the
keeping of shops, form a large and rapidly-increasing body. In
times so ancient as to be scarcely within the memory of a juvenile
dowager, it was held by the high dry exponents of aristocratic
privilege that to touch trade, even when it proffered a bag of money
in a well-gloved hand, was to be defiled beyond the restoring power
of a Belgravian Duchess. To be sure, even the highest and the driest
of these censors contrived to close an indulgent eye when a moneyless
scion of nobility sought to prop his tottering house by rebuilding it
upon a commercial foundation, and cementing it with the dower of
a "tradesman's" daughter. But if these blameless ones, whose
exclusive dust has long since been consigned to family vaults with
appropriate inscriptions, could have foreseen the dreadful inroads of
the trading spirit, if in a moment of prophetic rapture they could
have watched the painful decay of caste which permits a lady to
dabble in bonnets, to toy with the making of fancy frames, to cut
dresses almost like a dressmaker, and, horror of horrors, to send in
bills to her customers, surely they would have refrained from the
tomb in order to stem the tide of advancing demoralisation. But
they are dead, and we who remain are left to deal as best we may
■with the uncompromising spirit of the age.

It is absolutely essential to the proper production of a Lady Shop-
keeper that she should have been at one
time both affluent and socially distin-
guished. If to these qualities she can

for its favours has been launched into commercial activity under a
sweetly symbolical name.

After .this everything depends upon the Lady herself. At first
everything will go swimmingly. Eriends will rally round her, and
she may perhaps discover with a touching surprise that the staunchest
and truest are those of whom, in her days of brilliant prosperity, she
thought the least. But a succes d'estime is soon exhausted. Unless
she conducts her business on purely business lines, delivers her goods
when they are wanted, and, for her own protection, sends in her
accounts as they fall due, and looks carefully after their payment,
her customers and her profits will fall away. But if she attends
strictly to business herself, or engages a good business woman to
assist her, and orders her affairs in accordance with the dictates of
a proper self-interest, she is almost certain to do well, and to reap
the reward of those who face the world without flinching, and fight
the battle of life sturdily and with an honest purpose. Some painful
moments may fall to her lot. It may be that in a crowded assem-
blage of wealth and fashion she inay see one of her masterpieces in
the dress-making art torn into shreds under the clumsy heel of a
Cabinet Minister, or a Duchess may speak unkindly in her hearing
of her latest devices in floral decoration. Or, some brainless
nincompoop may, in his ignorance of her profession, cast aspersions
on the general character and behaviour of all who keep shops. And
it may be that friends, after a prolonged period of non-payment, will
desert her, and speak ill of her business. But she will be able to
console herself for these and similar bitternesses by the knowledge
that on the whole the world honours those who battle against ill-
fortune without complaint far above the needy crowd of spongers
who strive to batten without effort on the crumbs that fall from the
tables of the rich.

ROBERT ON THE HEMPERER'S VISIT TO THE CITY.

Well, we are jest a going for to have a fine time of it in the old
Citty, Ave are! On the werry tenth of next month, which this year
happens for to be Jewly, we are a going for to receeve to Lunshon,
quite in a frendly way, the Hemperer and the Heinpress of all
Germany, not forgitting Ilellygoland which
we so kindly guv 'em larst year, and, in addi-
shun, about twenty other princes and princesses
from differing forren parts, as has all agreed
for to cum at the same time to do 'em honour,
and as if that wasn't epiite enuff for one day,
the noble Prince of AVhales, and the butiful
Princess of Whales, and all the Royal Eamily,
addthe 'supreme aTvantegToTgoorioofe fjjlfif|) ft be werry much'j hall there" for to re-

and a modest demeanour, her career is ifflmf t'eeve ?m and ?heT, T ^Tr^il \Yvlye?1

certain to be a prosperous and a rapid < Slte 111 1 rope' AV.IZ" the bu1tl±ul Gildhall made

one. [f, finally, she has been mated to }>>j3B& ' * mto a bower of roses, and covered with reel

a husband who, having Ions? ago sp u1 ' Y)!^ 'ai' ' sk ^blecloths from top to bottom,

his own cash, contrives in a short time to 4lluV\ I I and them aU c<?*ered mth suct a fairy-like

run a best on record through Mm% W 1 'JN* Lunshun as makes my pore old mouth wider ony jest to think

hers, if he is a good fellow of i»-« I^B H \W.! L ih(rle* one thin? as I 'm afraid _ as His Himperial

a sort, with a capacity fur 'mZ^mwMdl (If ^adjesty will be werry angry at and thai is, as they am t a

making friends which "is as -v--. W4mWBkmlll W$ ?0mg for to V}a¥ hirfl.,free of l!lc,Cl\U'' u,'h l!i ?ne them lU

large as his generosity in .-^ TggOTjfflfflfflfiffik 7 honners as all the cell bry ties of the World pines for. 1>ko\y_\ says

staking money, she may be ' " M'flvlDif /AffiS {t ain't eommy/o,. as the French says, but Beowx don't know

sure that no element will be ''^^^Za^'^^S^SB^^mSt Iim'it evcrvthmk, tho he is a trying his werry best to learn a few German

wantin"- to her success It ^ ■ h'^^^Sk^^F^^9n?cMa w words in ease the Hemperer asks him for sumthink to eat, such as a

is'of course unnecessary'that &f>£(<j|Hfl|V\ little s,ou* kn,wt- The bes< .°f the fun is that he acshally spells sour,

she should have served anv #fJHif#0 1W/ WfM \s?uerA 1 t wot a pertickler good speller myself, but I reedy

apprenticeship to the trade ^MwiJWM^MkWk''mm^ sh2?d bc artlly ashamed «•• sich :l blundl r as that,-. , , . „

that she ultimatelv adopt,. m0JJt Wk'yfiillvffHU The pore Committee, as has to see to hewery think, begins for to

When, after some glittering ^TOo^™mM W^flhMi look jest a little pail and worryed—and who can wander at it, tor

seasons of horses and foot- ^KOBHkSra'^ ™E.»f fMlflMwl I If I I'm told as they is amost torn to peaces with applications for Tickets,

men and brilliant parties, the ^^^mW^BKK^PWr^t^wamM1 •'' Tney ony has two a-peace for their friends, and w on't have one

crash conies upon the little ISflfJlflHHHulPffiInlUuSwi'i'l I ^or theii-selves, but will have to walk about all the time of the

household, her friends will ■hIIIHHHffl|^:911 Bill Wmw' | Lunch, with their long sticks of office, to see as ewerybody xcept

be called into council. Some
vill recommend a retired

life in a distant suburb, where it is currently reported
a year may be made to play the part of £2,000 in the heart of May
Eair. Others will hint that governesses have been known, after
years of painful labour, to lay by a sufficiency for a short old
age ; others, again, will dive into the storehouse of their reminis-
cences, in order to produce for inspection the well-known example
of a colonel and his wife, who defied both the fates and the rheu-
matism in the modest pe?ision of a Continental watering-place. All
these suggestions, however, are eventually put aside in favour of the
advice that a shop should be started, a nom de commerce adopted,
and a circle of friendly customers be acquired by discreet advertise-
ment. After these matters have been decided, but not till then, it
becomes necessary to determine to what special branch the talents
of the prospective Shopkeeper are to be devoted. At last even this is
accomplished, and in a few months more the world of fashion may
learn by private circular or public paragraph, that a new competitor

theirselves is nice and cumferal, and got plenty to eat and drink.
And, forking of drink, jest reminds me of the tasting Committee,
pore fellers! who has got for to go to all the werry best Wine sellers
in the Citty, to taste all their werry best vines, and decide which, of
every kind and description, they shall select for their himperial
royal gests. Why it's amost enuff to give 'em all hedakes for the
rest of their nateral lives.

I don't know of any further arrangements as is quite finally settled,
so praps I may have jest a few lines to add nex week. Bobekx.

Q.UEER QUERIES.—A Flrst Reading—Would some person
kindly inform me of a good Recitation for a Smoking Concert ? I
have been asked to recite "something telling" after the annual
banquet of a Club of local Licensed Victuallers. I am thinking of
the First Book of Paradise Lost. Or would parts of The Excursion
be more likely to create a furore ? I have never recited in public
before, and feel rather doubtful of my ability to "hold" the
Victuallers.—Willing to Oblige.