Punch (101.1891)

December 5, 1891.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI, 265

QUITE FABULOUS!

(A Story of (lie, Times, dedicated to Professor Munro.)

King Cole, although described as a " merry old sotd,"
was in reality a tyrant. He had a number of subjects
who used to work underground, and their labour was to
bring to the surface the black diamonds of the earth. It
was not altogether a pleasant occupation, but still, the
task had to be accomplished. His Majesty was fond of
ferocious practical jokes, and perchance this may have
been the origin of the jocular description attached to his
name. One day, some of his subjects complained that
their hours of labour were too many.

" How long do you work ? " asked the King.

"May it please you, Sire, sixteen," was the reply.

" Try what you can do with twelve," and they were
about to depart rejoicing, when the Monarch called them
back and added, "But mind you, I shall expect'just as
many black diamonds to be unearthed as before."

So the King's subjects worked only twelve hours, and
strange to say, quite as many black diamonds were pro-
duced as in the olden days. Then the workmen began to
grumble once more, and the King again interviewed them.

"Do you still work twelve hours?" he asked the
deputation.

" Certainly, Your Majesty; but we think half would
be quite enough," returned the spokesman.

" By all means—why not make it three hours ? " and
again his subjects were departing, rejoicing, when once
more he added, "But I shall expect just the same output
as before."

And he got it, for the men worked harder than ever.
And then they came yet again to him. Once more they
considered the hours of labour excessive. They thought
sixty minutes plenty.

"So do I," replied the Monarch, "not only plenty,
but too many. But as it is scarcely worth while employ-
ing you only half an hour a day, I shall make other
arrangements."

And from that time forth he brought up his black
diamonds from the centre of the earth by machinery !

Not "Half a. Chap."—A well-known Clergyman,
who "does nothing by halves." i.e., Dean Hole.

" WHEN A MAN DOES NOT LOOK HIS BEST."-No. 4.

When he just begins to realise what a Suffering he would have saved him-
self, if he had only had the COURAGE to say "3IEDIUM" instead of " hard."

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

In the Christmas Numbers of the numerous picture-papers it is

part of the inquirer, nor any account of what happened after this
reply had been given, but simply " Benson's Watches " followed by
Pry's Chocolate," then a picture (not an advertisement) facing

at first rather difficult to discover which is the genuine article ! that, and then on page i the remainder of the dialogue. It doesn't
illustrated, and which the advertisement, likewise illustrated. In ! much matter perhaps, as the excitement aroused by the story is not

the outside picture of the Christmas Number of The Penny

Illustrated

Paper, which re-

I am not yet quite
sure that the
handsome He-
braic gentleman,
dancing with a
fair Anglo-Saxon
girl, is not as-
suring his fright-
ened-looking
J partner that
" Epps's Cocoa i
Grateful'—Com
M forting,"as stated
in the paragraph
immediately be-
neath the afore-
said picture. On
the next page is
a sad illustration
entitled, "The

The Baron's Retainers, Mesdames Blythe and Gay, giving Qurse of Re
him the results of their readings. Logt ^

Human Aid," which turns out to be not a Christmas story at all,
but an advertisement for Fruit Salt. Then opposite this com-
mences a story by George R. Shis ; and at the foot of this page
some one replies, "Mr. Doolan! There's no one of that name
here now, Sir." Whereupon, being interested, the reader turns
over page 1 to find at the head of page 2, not the continuation of
the above interesting story in the shape of some remark on the

violent, and the mistake of giving somebody else's card for your own
does not occur here for the first time as the motive of a plot. Cuthbert
Bede's name is to a " Christmas Carol," and Mr. John Latey's to a
presents a couple dramatically told tale called " Mark Temple's Trial," in which the
dancing together, | imaginary heroine pays a visit to a very real person of the name of
Madame Katti Lanner, whose pupils are represented as all assembled,
with bouquets and posies, to do honour to the birthday of their
" well-loved mistress," who is at the same time, "the acknowledged
mistress of the choreographic art." In this story, the author is to be
complimented on his invention of the name, " Lord Morgagemore "
as an ancient-looking and highly aristocratic Irish title.

"Up to any game at Christmas, if it's not too high," says the
Baron of Hampershire, who detests all game that is lofty, but is glad
to welcome a Shakspearian Revival by Myers & Co. in the shape of
a Nine Me?i,s Morris, a title the Baron recommends to the notice of
" Epps's Cocoa is Mr. William: Morris,ryclept "Billy," when he is making another
bouquet of poesies. By the way, Bim Bros.' Almanac Cards, one of
the Baron's Lady Helps describes as ''decidedly dainty." Christmas
is specially a card-playing season, a time of Pax to everybody. _

From the Gordon Stables of Hutchinson & Co. issues the night-
mare tale of The Cruise in the Crystal Boat; when finished, try
their Family Difficulty, by Sarah Doudney. Send to the Deanery
of Dean and Son, ask for Babys Biography and The Little One's
Own Beehive. The Spindleside department of the Baron's Booking-
Office recommends both the above for the Tiny Trots; while the
Spearside tells the boys to go in for Manville Fenn's Burr Junior
and Mrs. R. Lee's Adventures in Australia. Then for all-comers,
procure Beatrice H\rraden's New Book of Fairies, for.our "Co."
thus puts it, " This is all concerning those poor little Fairies, about
whom no one takes any trouble, and who are left out in the cold at
Christmas time." Thus for this week conclude the duties of Mesdames
Blythe and Gay, the Baron's Lady Assistant Perusers. "I trust
my gentle Public will benefit by their advice," quoth,

Theirs truly, The Baron de Boor-Worms.

vol, cl