Punch: Punch (101.1891)

July 4, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

ii

MEDICINAL MUSIC.

(A Groidfrom a " Quiet Street.")

[" There is a disposition just now to
revive discussion upon a very old subject,
namely the curative influence of Music in
cases of mental and bodily disease."—
Daily Telegraph.]

Curative Music ? Just as well expect
An Influenza-cure from Deniogor-
gon!

Some dolts there be, no doubt, who
would detect
Anodyne influence in a barrel-
organ ;

A febrifuge in a flat German Band,
A prophylactic in a street-piano !
Some quackery a man caw understand,
But Music I '11 not take, even cum
grano. [say,
I don't believe what classic noodles
That Music stopped the haemor-
rhage of Ulysses ;
That Cato's stiffened joints attained
free play
From harmony of sounds. Such
" rot" sense hisses.
I'd just as soon believe the Theban
walls

"Were twangled into place by young
Amphion.
Bah! Minds made sane by Musie's
scrapes and squalls ?
Not mine, though the lyre-thrum-
ber were Arion.
Drums, trumpets, fiddles, organs—
all are bad.
And vocal fireworks are far worse
than vanity.
Stop, though ! 7'm sane, and they
just drive me mad ;
So Music may drive idiots into
sanity!

AT A SMOKING CONCERT.

Distinguished Amateur (with good Method bid small Voice, sudd, enly jumping up from Piano). "Look

here, algy. I do call it beastly bad form for you and SlKES to TALK when" i'>i SUKSING ! "

Algy. "All right, Old Man—awfully sorry—didn't know you were Singing, you know!"

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.F.

House of Commons, Tuesday, June 23, 12*15 a.m.—House just
adjourned ; a little dazed by shock of narrow escape from grievous
danger. Been at it through greater part of night debating Second
Reading of Education Bill. Julius 'Anntbal Picton led off with
speech of fiery eloquence. The Squibe of Maxwood declares he
never listens to J. A. P. without an odd feeling that there have been
misfits. Both his voice and his gestures are, he says, too large for
him. But that, as Algernon Borthwick shrewdly

ffi SB points out, is professional jealous}- supervening on

All right; Cbanborne only a private Member, and modest withal;
not the person to argue with his pastors and masters. So resumed
his seat. If they wanted to use up the time, let some one else speak
through the quarter of an hour. Had things been so left, the listen-
ing Senate and the waiting world would never haA"e heard Cran-
borne in this Debate. As the Speaker gently pointed out to him,
having moved the Amendment he had exhausted his privilege of
speaking. He might sustain his thesis at any length, or, being on
his legs, might continue the Debate without insisting on his Motion
for the Adjournment. But he must speak now, or for ever hold his
tongue as far as the Debate was concerned. This was awkward, but
no help for it; so Cranborxe plunged in and talked up to midnight,
the arrogance "of excessive stature. The Squere, I ^"ben the Debate stood adjourned,
though not lacking in moods of generosity, cannot I Business done— Second Reading of Education Bill moved,
abear a rival in the oratorical field. Had things \ Tuesday.—Another night with Education Bill. Position rather
turned out differently to-night, he might have en- | peculiar; everyone, or nearly everyone, in state of frantic adulation
joyed the advantage of addressing House at this \ of the measure ; and yet everyone passing the cradle in which the
favourable hour, whilst its withers were yet un- j infant slumbers gives it a sly pinch. Here and there a Ministerialist
wrung.^ j gets up and honestly denounces a Bill embodying principle which

Conservatives been led for generations to denounce. Bartley last
night made capital speech in this sense. To-night Lawrence bluntly
declares his regret that good Tories should be asked to support
principles which they, under their present Leaders, violently opposed
at General Election of 1885. Addison blandly and persuasively
attempts to stem this growing torrent of discontent. " The change
of opinion on this side of the House," he said, hitching on one side
an imaginary wig, clutching at an imperceptible gown, and turning
OA"er the pages of an impalpable brief, "is owing to the fact that
circumstances and times have altered. It is the duty of states-
men,"—and here Addison, like another Fat Boy known to history,
wisibly swelled,—"to adapt themselves to the necessities of the

But Julius 'Annibal has not studied his great
||PSiHlSB ancestor's strategy for nothing. As soon as Second
^wWSnKui }>ieacuno °f Education Bill appeared on the paper,
\gBy*»8i§B| he romped in, and put down Amendment. Needn't
m/2BbMSm moye it '■ didn't mean to move it: doesn't move it ;
WKHbBm but he gets first place in principal Debate of Session,
HW and shows himself worthy of it by the luminous
:fiPrair argument and almost passionate eloquence of his
WpsWm oration.
[JBmBg It wasn't that the House was disturbed about.

The particular incident arose a quarter of an hour
fj^b Wjfc before midnight, when Cranborxe suddenly got up
Wmkfi'^^^- aEL(^ moved Adjournment of Debate. J. A. had
V ' M' ' bowled him and others over in the earlier part of
^e String ; but there was a second night, and
rJ3Li " the Hope of Hatfield determined he would collar
^*s§^». that. Had the Motion for Adjournment been ae-
n. ., cepted, he would, in accordance with usage, have

Algernon. opened the ball when the House met again once
more, fresh, and in the mood to listen. But Jokem objected'to losing
the quarter of an hour.

"We can," he said, pleasantly, "bear another speech."

Jenntngp, speaking from the Bench immediately behind Addison,
had no patience with this kind of argument. " Six years I've sat
in this House, Mr. Speaker," he said, " and during that time have
seen! measures which we Conservatives have been encouraged,
almost instructed, to denounce, cordially received by our Leaders
and passed into law. For my part, I cannot flourish on this
diet of broken pledges. One might eat of it now and then, but
when continually invited to the same dish, it becomes a little
monotonous."