Punch: Punch (101.1891)

July 18, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

35

IMPERIAL IMPRESSIONS.

That they are not accustomed to ultra punctuality in the arrival
of steam-yachts at Port Victoria,

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, July 6.—Don't know what the

That some one ought to catch it for not looking after the water-pipes | House of Lords would do without Wbmtss. How the House of
in the State dining-room. _ Commons gets along without Elcho is another story. Of course we

That it is rather trying to have to remain dignified with your boots j are not absolutely elcho-less. Amurath has succeeded to Amurath,
in three inches of water. ! and there is still* an Elcho in the Commons. Perhaps in time he

That the Eton Volunteers are just the sort of boys to follow the may reacQ the towering height of his illustrious father. He does
tradition of the past, and win a second Waterloo. _ ! T • weU as jt js . ma^e exceedingly smart speech

That still it was a little awkward to have to review them in the j the"other afternoon on adjournment over Derby
pauses of a thunderstorm. r>av> -yye try to bear up; make the best of

That the wedding as a wedding was not bad, but a couple of
hundred thousand troops or so posted as a guard of honour, would
have made it more impressive.

That Buckingham Palace is rather triste, when it is populated on
the scale of one inhabitant to the square mile.

That Covent Garden Opera House, decorated with leagues of flower
wreaths, is the finest sight in the world.

That Sheriff Algesics Glossop Harris deserves a dukedom, and,
if he were a German, should have it.

That one State Ball is like every other, but still it was very well
dene on Eriday.

That the visit to the City was an entire success (although I wish
the audience had made up their minds whether they would stand up
or sit while I was speaking), thanks no doubt to the influence of the
Sheriff.

That Saturday's doings were delightful. I was absolutely deafened
with the cheering.

That it is very pleasant to be so well received, especially when,
three years ago, I was generally snubbed and treated as a nobody.

THE BUSY BISLEY

Scexe—Within measurable distance of Woking. Enter Lounger
and Marksman, e. and l.

things ; but in our secret hearts confess that this
century has seen but one Lord Elcho, and now
he 's Earl of Wemyss.

Was in tine old style to-night, Dorchester
brought on question of Volunteers. They are
g:oing to Wimbledon on Saturday to be reviewed
by that veteran the German Emperor. Dor-
chester, in modest, convincing speech, pointed
out how unfair it was that, in addition to, in
many cases, losing a day's pay, in all cases incur-
ring a day's hard work, that A'olunteers should
be required to pay expenses of their trip to Wim-
bledon. Dorche'ster left nothing unsaid; put
the whole case in brief speech. But Wemyss not
going to be left out. Interposed in tine patronising
manner ; made acknowledgment of Dorchester's
good intention; but, suggesting an absolutely
imaginary case, took exception to the presenta-
tion of the Volunteers in the light of asking for a
day's pay. That, he said, would spoil the whole
case.

No one had suggested anything of the kind.
Wemyss had brought this nine-pin in with him
as if it were one of a set of baccarat countersvhad
set it up, and was now knocking it down. Noble
Lords sat and stared in polite amazement. Crax-

Lounger [heartily). Why, I am glad to see you! And how are
things going on F | brook, in his impetuous way, jumped up and

Marksman [cordially, but abrupt/'/). Capitally! Good-bve ! j raised point of order. Wem yss put him aside

Loung. But I say, what a hurry you are in! Can't you stop a : with sweep of sword-arm, and went on to end of •
minute 'for a chat ? ' his speech, which showed who was the true iriend of the \ olunteer

Marks. Another time, but just now moments are precious. forces.

Loung. But I say, vou see I have found myself here—it doesn't : "Ah," said young Lamixgtox, second Baron, regarding with
take much longer than getting down to Wimbledon. pleased interest the flush of satisfaction that mantled Yv kmyss brow

Marks. Of course it doesn't—whoever said it did? But there when he resumed his seat, "this House would have been nothing
old chap, I must be off! I only for us fellows coming m from the Commons. It s new blood

Loung. You are in a hurry ! Ah, we used to have pleasant days
in the old placeP
Marks. Did we ? I daresay we did.

that does it, T '11 make them a speech myself some day.
Business done.—Quite a lot in the Commons.
Tuesday.—Ferglssox says life at Eoreign Office would be endur-

Loung. Why, of course! Grand old days! Don't you remember j able only for Labby. The Sage has got the Triple Alliance on the
■what fun it used to be decorating your tent; and then, when the -^sg^x brain; spends his mornings in draft-
ladies came down—which they did nearly all the day long—what /.""N " ing questions there anent. That
larks it was getting them tea and claret-cup ? fj Ferglssox wouldn't mind so much,

3Larks. Very likely. But we don't have many ladies now, and ^M^«- only ^ involves his spending his

a good job too—they are a bore. >/. \ afternoons in drafting answers that

Loung. Well, you are a chap ! Why, how can there be any fun ^glfljfcl;'ffism^' sna^ coherent, and yet say

without your sisters, and your cousins, and your maiden aunts P <§Ps|P^iiS^iiSp^ . jdj nothing. Answers often so admi-

Marks. We don't want fun. But there, good-bye! ^' JM. rably suited to their purpose, that

Loung. But 1 say. I have come all this way to look you up. T^l.jtH^B^^^fc^^^ doubts arise as to whether a firmer

Marks, [unbending). Very kind of you. but, my dear fellow, ^Bjp^^^^^§H^^^ hand than Ferglssox's has not

you have chosen rather an unfortunate time. •Sli^^^^^^^B^^ traced them on paper. "A dull

Loung. Why, at Wimbledon you had nothing to do ! «^^^^^^S^3P^\ man,'' was the phrase in which,

Marks. Very likely. But then Bisley isn't Wimbledon. llreSS§§litll§^//# ' ) years ago, Johx Bright dismissed

this year.

Loung. That may be, but you don't have half the fun you had
nearer town.!

Marks, [laughing). Don't want to! Business, mv dear fellow, not
pleasure ! And now, old man, I really must be off ! Ta, ta ! See
you later. ^ {Exit.

Loung. Well, whatever he may say, I prefer Wimbledon. And
a9 there doesn't seem much for me to do down here, I shall return to
town. [Does so. Curtain.

Loung. [dryly . So it seems. Everyone said that, when they ^9§£jSa||^^ S \ from consideration the statesman

moved the camp further away from home, they would ruin the / / then known as Sir Charles Ai>-

meeting. "^^^Sfi^^^^^^B / / herly. To House of Commons

Marks. Then everyone was wrong. Why, we arc going on | gs^J^^^^^^^B,-/ I lis, is a dull man, inca-

swimminglv. x/*^"^3g£^^gyy / pable, as it seems, of framing these

Loung. It must be beastly dull. ''^.^VTHp/ J subtle answers that look as if they

Marks. Not at all. Lovely country, good range, and, after it wK^M2^%^ meant so much, and yet say so little.

rains, two minutes later it is dry as bone, ____WfS^^Bf!^^ Whoever be the author, it must

Loung. Yes, but it stands to reason that it can't be as popular as V/ ^^jlp/ De said that Ferglssox contributes

V imbledon. ^SwC t° success of answers by his manner

Murks. My dear fellow, figures are the best test of that. In all ^g^, of reading them. So portentous is

the history of the Association we have never had more entries than his gravity, so like a stone wall

Sag* of Queen Anne's Gate. Q;s imperturbability, that the Sage
dashes, himself up against it with much the same effect as if he
were attacking one of the buttresses of Westminster Hall. It
is a fortuitous concatenation of circumstances, most happy in its
result, that when in the House of Commons an answer is to be given
which shall convey no information, the Markiss should dictate it,
and Fergtjssox recite it. If, in reply to the Sage's question to-night,
as to the understanding between this country and Italy with respeot
to the status quo in Mediterranean, Ferglssox had stood up_and