Punch: Punch (101.1891)

July 25, 1891,1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 39

WATERLOO 'TO WEYBRILGE.
By the 6"5 r.m.

A young man—it 'b no matter who—
Hailed a cab and remarked "Water-
loo !»

The driver, with bowed
Head, sobbed out aloud,
" Which station ? " They frequently
do.

A poet once said that to Esher
The only good rhyme was " mag-
nesher ; "
This was not the fact,
And he had to retract,
Which he did — he retracted with
plesher.

A fancier cried : " There 's one fault
on

The part of the sparrows at Walton;
And that's why I fail
To put salt on their tail—

The birds have no tails to put
salt on.

The dulness of riding to Weybridge
Pleasant chat (mind the accent) may
abridge,
But not when it deals
With detaching of wheels,
Collisions, explosions, and Tay
Bridge.

The Stolen Pictures. — The
Debats informed us, last week, that
the thief who stole Teniers' pictures
from the Museum at Rennes has
been discovered. His punishment
should " fit the crime," as Mr. Gil-
bert's Mikado used to say, and
therefore he ought to be sentenced
to penal servitude for Ten years.

THE PERSONAL EQUATION.

Dick {who hasn't sold a single Picture this year). "And As for the beastly British Public,

nothing really goob ever goes down with it—nothing but vulgar RoT ! "

Tom {who has sold every Picture he has painted). "Oh, Bosh and Gammon, my dear Fellow<
Good honest Work is always sure of its Market—and its Price!"

[Next year their luck will be reversed, and also their opinions of th^ B. P.

And hampered! Oh ! I should be grateful to you, Ma'am,
If, like Ariadne, you'd give me a clue, Ma'am.
I '11 never—like treacherous Theseus—desert you ;
My constancy \s staunch, like my valour and virtue.
Through Fire, Water, Wilderness trackless I '11 follow,
But astray in a Maze high ambition seems hollow '

LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.

Wednesday, June IMA—Left Bilsbury last Saturday, having in
Dicky Likes's words "broken the back of the blooming canvas."
Luring my last night's round we went into a small house in one of
the slums. The husband was out, but the wife and family were all
gathered together in the back room. There were five children,
ranging m age from ten down to two, and the mother looked the
very picture of slatternly discomfort. We asked the usual questions,
and I was iust turning to go, when I heard a violent fit of convulsive
coughing from a dark corner. The mother got up and went to the
corner. I couldn't help following, and saw the most miserable
spectacle I ever set eyes on. In a sort of cradle was lying the
smallest, frailest and most absolutely pinched and colourless baby
choking with every cough, and gasping horribly for breath. I don't
know what I said, but the mother turned to Likes and said, " He
haven t much longer to cough. I shall want the undertakers for him
f?°n; ' I asked her if nothing could be done, but she merely replied,

It 11 be better so. We've too many mouths to feed without him."
I couldn't stay longer after that, but fairly bolted out of the house.

Our people are jubilant about our prospects. The canvas shows,
they say, a steady increase in our favour, the registrations have
been uniformly good, and, best of all, Sir Thomas Chubson again
voted and spoke on the wrong side, when the Billsbury Main
Drainage Bill came on for Second Reading in the House the other
day. Our point is of course that, if this scheme were carried out,
there would be a great deal of work for Billsbury labourers, and,
somehow or other, a large amount of money would be spent in the
v,°vT'i Te ^ave rubbed this well in at every meeting we have
held lately, and found it a most effective point during the canvas.

?^uS0N and ttie K-aciicals taUc about a great increase of the rates
which would follow on it; but we pooh-pooh this, and point out

that the ultimate saving would be enormous, and that the health
of the town must be benefited. They don't like the business at
all, and feel they've made a mistake.

Have been made on successive nights a Lruid, a Forester, and a
Loyal and Ancient Shepherd. All these three are Benefit Societies,
and the mysteries of initiation into each are very similar. Colonel
Chorkle (who ought to have gone through the business long ago)
was made a Lruid with me. I never saw anybody so nervous. All
the courage of all the Chorkles seemed to have deserted him, and he
trembled like a Volunteer aspen. I told Major Worboys on the
following day that his Colonel, who I was sure might be trusted to
face a hostile battery without flinching, had been very nervous when
he was made a Lruid. Worboys sneered; and said that he'd be
willing to take his chance of Chorkle's facing the battery or not, if
Chorkle would only learn to ride decently. " Give you my word of
honour," said Worboys, " when the General inspected us last year,
Chorkle's horse ran away with him three times, and at last we had
to march past without him. One of the tamest horses in the world,
too. My boy Jack rides it constantly." But Worboys despises
Chorkle, and thinks he ought to command the regiment himself.
He spr ead it all over Billsbury that Chorkle was found hiding under
a table when he was summoned to be initiated, and was dragged out
screaming piteously for mercy.

On my last morning I was interviewed .by a deputation from
the Billsbury Branch of The Women's Suffrage League. The depu-
tation consisted of Mrs. Boser, the President of the Branch, Miss
Amy Gingell, the Secretary, and two others. It was a trying
business. Mrs. Boser is the most formidable person I ever met.
I felt like a babe in her hands after she had glowered at me for
five minutes. Finally I found myself, rather to my own astonish-
ment, promising to vote for a Women's Suffrage Bill, and adding
that Mrs. Boser's arguments had convinced me that justice had in
this matter been too long denied to women, and that for my part,
if elected, I should lose no opportunity of recording my vote on
the side of women. They seemed pleased, but the Meteor of the
next day had a frightful leader about the '' shameful want of
moral fibre in a Conservative Candidate who was thus content to
put the whole Constitution into the melting-pot, if by so doing he
could only secure a few stray votes, and get the help of the women
in his coal-and-blanket expeditions."