Punch: Punch (101.1891)

July 25, 1891.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

47

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM

THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday,
July 13. Emperor William leaves
to-day having taken affectionate
farewell of Grandmamma. On the
whole been most successful visit.
Weather a little Frenchy in its ten-
dency, hut not all rain and thunder.
If things could only have been kept
comfortable to last moment there
need have been nothing to mar
success of event. Unfortunately,
Tanner's active brain discovered
opportunity of casting a stone at
head of departing Emperor. Look-
ing in at Charing Cross Telegraph
Office, intending to send sixpenny-
worth of genial remark to his late
esteemed Leader Parnell on result
of Carlow election, Tanner ob-
served "Gutknecht" on shaft of
lead pencil gratuitously provided.
Much puzzled at this ; thought at
first it was Raikes's way of
spelling good night; found on in-
quiry it was German.

Taottbr's patriotic bosom filled
with storm of indignation. '' What!''
he cried, apostrophising the absent
R, a ikes, "at a time, when trade is
declining, Ireland is unhappy,
strikes are rampant, and human
misery seems to have reached its
bitterest point, at such a time it
might be hoped you woull have
given up your days and nights to
ameliorating the common lot, in-
stead of which you go about im-
porting lead pencils made in Ger-
many, and so taking the very bread
out of the mouth of the British
Workman."

Might have asked question on
subject a week ago when he made
discovery; adroitly put it down
for to-night; and so whilst Emperor
William was taking leave of
Grandmamma in the stately halls of Windsor, Tanker was flinging
a lead pencil at his retreating figure, stabbing him, so to speak, in
the Imperial back with a commercial product retailed at the incon-
siderable price of twopence-halfpenny a dozen.
With some sense of relief House got into Committee of Supply.

" URBI ET ORBI."

Mr. Punch returns his best thanks to all and singular,
the Public and the Press, for the enthusiastic reception
with which the toast of his jubilee, everywhere and by
everybody, has been received. to everyone health and
Happiness, Peace and Prosperity. $35SNCI§.

—commanding; conciliatory, threat-
ening, beseeching, or convincing,
according as the exigencies of the
moment require. As a work of art,
the only contemporary thing equal
to it that I know, and that, of
course, in quite a different way, is
some of the bye-play of the old
gentleman in L'1'Enfant Prodigue."

Business done.—In Committee of
Supply.

Tuesday. — Met Chaplin just
now, striding along corridor, mop-
ping his statesmanlike brow with a
bandana that would, on emergency,
serve as foresail for one of the
cattle-carrying steamers just now
troubling the Minister for Agricul-
ture.

'' Anything gone wrong ? " I
asked, for it was impossible to be
blind to his evident trepidation.

"No, dear boy, it's all right as
it turns out, but it might have
been otherwise. AVhat do you
think? Labby's positively been
moving the reduction of the Vote
by the amount of my salary!
Shouldn't have been surprised if
some Member had got up, and, in
neat speech, dilating on the enor-
mous forward strides made by the
Empire since Ministry of Agricul-
ture was created, moved to double
my screw. But to go and propose
to dock it altogether at the end of
the first year is, if I may say so,
not encouraging."

" Oh," I said, " you musn't mind
Sage of Queen Anne's Gate ; his
bark is worse than his bite."

"Yes, I know," said Chaplln ;
'' but I should be obliged to him
if he'd bark at someone else's heels.
Not, mind you, that I care so much
about the money question. Between
you and me (though don't let it go
further, or they might be holding
me to my bargain), I would rather
pay £2000 a year than not have a
seat on the Treasury Bench in
charge of a department. You've never tasted the delight of stand-
ing up in a full House and reading out answer to a question, whilst
all the world hangs on your lips. Nor have you ever drunk the
deep delight of explaining a Bill, or replying on behalf of Her
Majesty's Government to an Amendment. The joy is all the greater

Various questions brought up on Colonial Vote. P. and 0. Suther- j to me, since it is newly acquired. For years I sat below the Gang-

land championed claims of Sin- way, striving to catch the Speaker's eye
gapore for deliverance from | in competition with the herd, and when I
arbitrary conduct of Govern- j succeeded Members either howled at me or
ment in lewing military con- j left the House. Now I speak without wait-
tributions. Doesn't often take j ing for the Speaker's call, and the House
part in Debate; showed to-night , listens attentively to the utterances of the
that abstention is not due to lack | Minister for Agriculture. That's better
of debating faculty. Set forth j than salary paid quarterly : worth paving
ease of his clients in clear busi- | for as I say. Still it's not pleasant to have

Labby seriously proposing to stop your
wages. Wish he'd try it on someone else.
There's Plunket for example; must put
him up in that quarter."

Business done.—In Committee of Supply.
Thursday.—A long dull night varied by
occasional squalls. An immense relief to
Hon. Members, after sitting through an hour
discussing Alienation of Crown Rights in
Salmon Fishing in Scotland, on which
Caldwell delivers discourse, to have op-
portunity of exercising their lungs. Mor-
ton a benefactor in this respect. As soon
as Alpheus Cleophas is discovered on his
feet there goes forth a howl that shakes the
building. To-night rather awkward cir-
cumstance followed. Alpheus Cleophas
rising for the eighth time, Members broke
forth into agonised howl that lasted several
minutes. Was stopped by sudden commo- A balm<m ±isiier-

ness-like speech, which com-
manded attention of audience,
for whom topic itself not parti-
cularly attractive.

" Sutherland," said the
Member for Sark, one of his
most attentive listeners, "has
introduced a new element into
Parliamentary oratory. His
intercurrent cough is the most
remarkable adjunct to oratory I
ever heard. Suppose the fact
is, when he pauses, he is think-
ing over the next word, or sur-
veying for a new line of argu-
ment. Other men would consult
their notes. P. and 0. indulges
in a kind of clearing of bis
throat, a compromise between a
A Bad Sixpence." cough and an articulate remark